Homestuck Eta
by meowloudly15
Summary: Terezi and (Vriska) are in two different timelines facing two different enemies. But they have one mission in common: find each other, against all odds. A follow-up to The Homestuck Epilogues. Not related to Homestuck 2. Rated T for (censored) language, graphic violence, and general skullduggery. Now complete! Cover by me. Postscripts will be on AO3.
1. Terezi: Retrieve food

**I promised myself I wouldn't start any more big fanwork projects after completing Stranded, but then I read Homestuck in 11 days. And then read the Homestuck Epilogues. Now we're here. Welp.**

**I don't hate the THE. There are things about it which I dislike, but there are also things about it which I like. Hopefully, this fic will be a good testament to both.**

**There are a number of reasons why the title is what it is. I doubt any of them will be revealed in the story proper. It'll probably be the subject of another long-winded author's note. Speaking of which, I'll cut off here, lest the notes grow longer than the fic itself… oh my God, imagine if Hussie had posted author's notes in the Epilogues.**

**… OH MY GOD SO I JUST FOUND OUT THAT HOMESTUCK 2 IS NOW A THING AND THIS STORY IS NOW COMPLETELY INVALID ... screw it, I'm posting it anyway. Canon is a lie.**

**Okay, anyway, I hope you like it!**

* * *

It was lucky for her that Dirk left Terezi alone after convincing her to join him on his mad rocket journey through the cosmos. She has no idea where she needs to go, nor does she have a time frame for when she needs to arrive. So she takes her sweet time strolling through Earth C and losing herself in the scenery.

Loopholes are a wonderful thing.

It's been so long since she's been on this planet that she feels the need to take in every element of the landscape. She's walking along a meandering dirt trail that cuts through an empty field, leading roughly towards the town ahead. The path smells like peanut butter and bread crumbs. The tall grass brushes against her blood-stained jeans. The midmorning sky sounds blue and calm, almost too blue to be true. John's wallet digs into her leg.

After several hours of meandering, Dirk's obnoxious text finally fades. Terezi heaves a sigh of relief. Thank God that creep's gone, she thinks. She doesn't trust anybody who has control of the metatextual properties of her story, even the well-intentioned ones. Especially since Dirk has set so bad of a precedent.

Perhaps being a Seer of Mind allows her to discern these differences, she wonders. Perhaps it also gives her some metatextual immunity. "OH TH4NK GOD", she mutters to herself.

There's still a lot Terezi needs to learn about her classpect.

She can't help but smile and run her tongue over her chapped lips when everything redshifts. Red is always a trustworthy colour. Any text tasting so good has to be well-mannered. She can't discern its identity any further than that, though, which is cause for mild concern.

Speaking of taste, Terezi feels her gut churn unhappily and remembers that she hasn't eaten any real food since what feels like five days ago. She needs food badly, even worse than she felt the need to join Dirk on his insane adventure when his text influenced her thoughts. Thank God that traitor's gone.

She sniffs around the present setting. It appears to be a suburban region of Earth C. A line of storefronts stretches down the street to her immediate left. Terezi doesn't have any cash on hand, so she figures that stealing is probably her best option. It's not like she hasn't done worse in the past.

She approaches the nearest grocery store. The glass door swings open on well-oiled hinges. Terezi's mouth waters upon catching the scent of the rich array of food products. Her gastrointestinal tract does a little happy dance.

She passes straight by the candy aisle. The garish colours intrigue her nose, but she could care less about anything that wouldn't fill her up.

She hesitates while passing the meat aisle. It's incredibly red and entrancing, and Terezi almost turns down it, but she worries about how it might sit in her digestive tract.

She turns down the bread aisle and lifts a couple of faux-Italian loaves (whatever that means) off the shelf. She surreptitiously captchalogues them both in her scratch-and-sniff sylladex. Having retrieved what she needs, Terezi hightails it out of the store, snatching a bottle of water on her way.

After absconding to a safe distance, she sits down on the curb and takes a huge bite out of one of the loaves. It's exactly what she needs. It's bland, sure, but it's easy to chew, and it's got a satisfying crunch.

Terezi devours both loaves in around three minutes, then washes them down with water. The redshift fades out, and the metatext is tinted no longer. She feels much better now. She smiles to herself. It's been God knows how long, but now she's safe at home, if she can call Earth C a home yet.

Terezi suddenly remembers the text that she received several hours ago. She unlocks her phone and smells that it's from John. Her mouth drops open.

She checks the wallet to make sure John's body is still in there. It is.

Hands shaking (whether in fear or anticipation, she isn't sure), she opens the message. Terezi almost drops her phone when she notices who actually sent it.

* * *

"Will you look at that?"

"I detect the encroaching planet."

"It's quite a sight to behold."

"It stirs no emotions within me, but I appreciate how it could do so within you."

"You know, I've always appreciated the company of robots over people. There's something about them that just… makes them more intriguing."

"I would appreciate expansion on your current train of thought."

"Well… you can never predict what a human will do. Or a troll, for that matter. The actions of robots, however, are governed by predictability and programming. It makes them so much easier to, ah, manipulate."

"That is an accurate statement."

"This planet, this one before us… it needs a name. How about... Beforus?"

"I comprehend that you have named the planet based on its relative location to us."

"Yes, but it's also a kick-axe name."

"That is an accurate statement."

"A planet of such high importance needs a kick-axe name."

"You have already told me that this planet will be home to the most important session of Sburb in the history of every universe."

"It will be. It might already have been, actually. Tenses are tough to manage in these scenarios."

"I am ready and willing to assist you on your quest."

"You'd better be. Oh, and quit talking like a robot. We both know you're faking it, and it's driving me forking insane."

"Okay. Sorry, Dirk. I just thought it was funny."

"It's not."

"You need to lighten up. Perhaps my aspect may be of assistance?"

"Stop."


	2. (Vriska): Infiltr8

"You're sure it's okay if I stay here for the time 8eing?" asks (Vriska) as her doppelganger leads her into her flat. It's not far from the caverns, yet not close enough to rouse much suspicion.

"Yeah. I don't think my Moms will O8ject," Vriska responds. "At least, they won't once we explain What's Going On."

"Ah, yes, we oughta do that."

(Vriska) smirks and gazes around the flat. It's modest, especially for the home of two of the founders of the universe. It's also incredibly tidy. Well, Kanaya was always a neat freak. Some things never change.

A large bookcase, packed full, stands against the wall nearest the door, next to a coat rack. On the opposite side is a kitchenette and a doorway leading to a short hall. (Vriska) can see three doors in the hall. A wall of photos is on the immediate left.

"You should Change Out of those 8loody Clothes," Vriska remarks offhandedly. "My stuff should fit you, since we are 8asically the Same Person."

(Vriska) nods, only half-listening. Her attention is snared by the wall of photos. They're pictures of family and friends, mostly people whom (Vriska) recognises. There's a selfie of John, Rose, Dave, and Jade in a town with cylindrical buildings. There's a picture of Karkat and Dave standing by the Mayor's grave (may he rest in peace). There's Rose and Kanaya's wedding photos. There's one of Kanaya hanging out with some of her assistants in the Mother Grub's cavern. There's a professional family portrait of Jane, Jake, some toddler with black hair, and that forking harlequin. There's a selfie of Roxy and that green skeleton girl in some place that looks suspiciously like Prospit.

There's a bunch of pictures of Vriska. Vriska on her first day of school, Vriska being hugged by John, Vriska riding on Karkat's skinny shoulders, Vriska reading with Rose, Vriska absconding with Kanaya's lipstick. It's like looking at (Vriska's) bound photo collection from another timeline.

There's one photo that (Vriska) can't stop looking at. It's a selfie of all twelve of the founders of Earth C, taken just after they set foot in their new universe. They all look jubilant. Even Karkat, Mr. Shouty McNubs himself, presents a somewhat sincere smile. But he's not the focus of (Vriska's) attention. (Why in hail would he be?) She's looking at a girl who's not even looking at the camera. She's looking at a girl who's grinning about forty-five degrees in the wrong direction. She's looking at a girl with horns as short and sharp as her teeth, which are all on full display.

Vriska interrupts her double's nostalgic reminiscences with all the grace of a musclebeast stampede. "Hey, are you going to keep Staring at Memories or are you going to change?"

(Vriska) wants to retaliate angrily, but she can't bring herself to muster any negative emotions. Beating the fork out of Gamzee, both figuratively and literally, is a fantastic cathartic release. Instead, she stares at Vriska with hollow eyes.

"It's weird. It's like I'm just now realising that every8ody grew up."

Vriska shrugs. "It's a Thing That Happens."

"You sound a lot like your mom, you know. Like Kanaya, to 8e specific."

Vriska nods. "8eing raised by her pro8a8ly had Something To Do with it." She snaps upright. "Now, let's get you out of those Wet Clothes! ::::)"

(Vriska) stifles an immature giggle. "Show me the way!"

The two Vriskas enter the younger one's bedroom. Its disorder is almost a relief. A dark-brown bow guitar lies on the unmade bed. The clothes hamper is full, and the desk is covered with papers and writing implements. Blinds are drawn over the small window. A blueish-green shag carpet is bunched up and kicked to the side. A black chair with weblike bungee straps forming its seat is nestled in the corner.

Vriska rummages through her chest of drawers, wearing a schist-eating grin. "I have an Idea. 8efore my folks get home, what say we do some 8ugging and Fussing and Meddling with them?"

(Vriska) laughs. She had completely forgotten how much she loved to meddle. "Ooooooooh! What do you have in mind?"

"You're aware that we look Almost Identical?" Vriska pulls out a T-shirt and jeans similar to the ensemble that she's wearing.

(Vriska) connects the pieces instantly, as a master manipul8or is wont to do. "Ahhhhhhhh, so you want to do the classic switcheroo? I like the way you think! Or rather, the way WE think!"

Vriska hands over the outfit. "Hahahaha! It's a Relief to know someone on the Same Wavelength as me for once! Now go shower! The 8athroom is through the Door immedi8ly across the Hall."

(Vriska) follows her doppelganger's instructions to the letter. She strips down and steps under the pleasantly warm water. Cerulean and indigo blood mix together and flow down the drain. She sighs in relief.

This place was the last thing she expected to find inside a black hole.

As she remembers her true location, (Vriska's) relief melts away slowly, like the cleansing bar in its dish.

Why is this place here? Is this… is this like human heaven? Did she die and then have her soul destroyed? She sure doesn't feel dead. But then why would Earth C exist in a black hole?

(Vriska) exhales. Her swift motion scatters water droplets. She doesn't want to worry about the metaphysical ramifications of her existence right now. Rose and Kanaya will help with that.

Her head still aches, and it hurts even more when she runs her hand over the wound. That fragment of reality really did a number on her, didn't it. A fleeting theory passes through (Vriska's) head, that she's unconscious and that this is all a dream, but she dispells it and lets it run down the drain. She was never a lucid dreamer, everyone here is alive, and she doesn't want to dwell on her meta-existential crisis right now. She needs to relax for once in her life. She needs to relax, and she needs to remove the essence of Gamzee from herself. She picks up the cleansing bar and scrubs vigorously.

She really has hit rock bottom, (Vriska) realises. Her moment of triumph was ripped from her grasp when she was flung into the black hole. Then, after God knows how long, she landed in this place, which seems like a torture chamber specifically designed for her. Terezi's not here, there's a civil war on trolls, everybody's twice her age, and she's been replaced. By herself, of all people. Plus, she had a massive freakout upon landing, took out her frustration on that forking clown, and vented all her emotions into her former friend's stolen phone to a person whom she'll probably never see nor hear from again.

(Vriska) wonders if she did the right thing by saying what she said. It probably wasn't. It's not likely that she'll ever hear from Terezi again. Moreover, would she even want to talk to (Vriska), after all she's done and failed to do?

All the same, she can't help but hold a shred of hope in her heart that she might hear from her again.


	3. Terezi: Read message

**Slightly late chapter today. Reworked a bunch of it last-minute. Hopefully, the slight wait was worth it!**

**Oh, and FFN is being a jerk and isn't rendering the horned smileys or the eight-dot ellipses correctly.**

* * *

John: Hey Terezi.

John: This isn't John.

John: This is Vriska.

Vriska: I 8et you're wondering how I got ahold of John's phone.

Vriska: Actually, I 8et you're wondering how I'm still alive.

Vriska: To 8e honest, I'm not sure either.

Vriska: I released the juju and got hit 8y a shard of reality.

Vriska: And I got pulled into the 8lack hole…..

Vriska: 8ut now I'm here. I'm on Earth C. Somehow.

Vriska: I don't understand why it would 8e inside a 8lack hole.

Vriska: No8ody else seems to realise where they are, either. It's really weird.

Vriska: 8ut enough a8out that. I'm ram8ling. You remem8er how I can get.

Vriska: You still remem8er me, right?

Vriska: You'd 8etter. I'm hard to forget, aren't I? :::;)

Vriska: Well…..

Vriska: I don't really know what to say.

Vriska: It's weird. I haven't 8een in touch with you for so long; you'd think I'd have a lot more to say!

Vriska: 8ut I'm not sure what to tell you.

Vriska: I hope you're still alive.

Vriska: If you are, let me know. Please.

Vriska: It gives me an ache to think a8out you 8eing…..

Vriska: No, I'm not going to think a8out it.

Vriska: 8ut please, pleeeeeeeease tell me. Tell me right away. I know there's pro8a8ly a time delay in the messages 8ecause of o8noxious time shenanigans. So I'll w8. I can w8.

Vriska: I know what you're gonna say. You'll say "VR1SK4 YOU HAVE THE P8T13NC3 OF N3P3T4 ON C4TN1P" or something.

Vriska: 8ut I'll w8 for you.

Vriska: It's for you.

Vriska: I miss you.

Vriska: Come 8ack, if you can. I want to see you again.

Vriska: Like I said, we've got a hail of a lot to catch up on.

Vriska: How old are you now?

Vriska: I hope you're not weirdly old.

Vriska: Every8ody here is, like, at least 20 sweeps old. It's freaking me out.

Vriska: Rose and Kanaya got married, which is gr8 for them. They adopted a kid, and she's almost my age… well, the age I was when I left.

Vriska: I'm not sure how old I am now. Pro8a8ly 10 or something? My eyes have gone 8lue, so I've gotta 8e at least 9.

Vriska: It's so forking weird, getting older without remem8ering it happen.

Vriska: Oh, and John has a kid? You know that, right?

Vriska: You've 8een in touch with him. I saw your weirdly flirt8ious convers8ions with him. He's like 10 sweeps older than you now! That's forking creepy!

Vriska: 8ut… yeah. We DEFINITELY have a lot to catch up on.

Vriska: You'd never 8elieve who I just killed. Now THAT'S a long story. 8ut I'll tell you in a not-text, okay?

Vriska: 8y the way, EG8ERT! If you see this, STOP READING THESE MESSAGES! THEY'RE PRIV8!

Vriska: 8ut... you don't have to contact me.

Vriska: I guess…

Vriska: I don't…..

Vriska: Siiiiiiiigh.

Vriska: It's okay if you've moved on.

Vriska: It's okay if you think I'm not worth your time.

Vriska: I mean…..

Vriska: What have I ever done to earn it from you?

Vriska: I mean, I'm the reason you're 8lind.

Vriska: I hurt you.

Vriska: And other people, I guess. 8ut this isn't a8out them.

Vriska: I guess I don't understand why you stuck with me even after that.

Vriska: You still kept up the moirallegiance.

Vriska: Even though, you know, I've always 8een an axehat.

Vriska: May8e I should stop that.

Vriska: I met a different version of me while I was in the dream 8u88les.

Vriska: She had a tattoo? What the fork was up with that?

Vriska: 8ut she was different in other ways.

Vriska: She was happier than me. She didn't have all these walls 8uilt up around her, know what I mean?

Vriska: And I freaked out when I saw her.

Vriska: Like, how DARE this second-r8 knockoff of me 8e happier than me? How forking DARE her?

Vriska: 8ut now I've realised…

Vriska: That version of me is the 8etter version of me.

Vriska: She'd 8e the moirail you deserve.

Vriska: Not me.

Vriska: ::::'(

Vriska: So…..

Vriska: It's okay if you move on.

Vriska: I guess I'll just have to live with that.

Vriska: I….. I think I'll have a hard time with it, though.

Vriska: You've 8een a part of my life for so long.

Vriska: I… I'd h8 to lose you. Not again.

Vriska: Really, I don't know wh8t to tell you!

Vriska: I want you to st8y, 8ut I also want you to 8e h8ppy!

Vriska: 8nd I don't th8nk you can h8ve 8oth!

Vriska: I don't kn8w it I c8n have 8oth, eith8r!

Vriska: 8ecause I just w8nt to s88 you, or h8ar from yo8, m8re than 8nything in th8 world!

Vriska: And I'm c8nfused, a8out 8 lot of th8ngs!

Vriska: 8nd I'm… I'm sc8red a8out 8ll of th8s!

Vriska: I'm sc8red 8nd I don't kn8w wh8t to do!

Vriska: 8ut you…

Vriska: You're my Scourge Sister.

Vriska: If any8ody can help me out right now, it would 8e you.

Vriska: So…..

Vriska: Please call me.

Vriska: Or don't.

Vriska: I want to say I don't care… 8ut honestly, I do.

* * *

Terezi shuts her phone off and stares at it for a while. A turquoise tear leaks out of her eye, followed by another one, and then another, coming quicker and quicker and before she knows it she's out-and-out sobbing.

Vriska's alive. Vriska's okay. And Vriska misses her.

That's all she ever really wanted to know, wasn't it?

But, evidently, she's in a different Earth C from the one Terezi's on right now. The John there is alive. Hers is dead, his body stuck in a wallet.

Terezi reopens the message and rereads the ending. Typical Vriska move, manipulating someone into doing something while making it look like she had no intentions of the sort. Of course, she might not have done so intentionally, but considering it's Vriska, she's not willing to put anything past her.

She would have called anyway.

Terezi swipes to the phone app. It's about time she makes the call. Who knows how long it's been on Vriska's end? Hours? Weeks?

Just before she presses the call button, she smells something odd.

Something's in the air. Humans and trolls, traveling at a breakneck pace.

Terezi sniffs again and recognises five distinct and familiar scents. She pulls on her jetpack. Before she takes off, she sends a brief message.

* * *

Terezi: H3Y VR1SK4

Terezi: YOU H4V3 NO 1D34 HOW GR34T 1T 1S TO H34R FROM YOU

Terezi: C4NT C4LL RN, SOM3TH1NGS UP

Terezi: 1LL C4LL YOU 1N L1K3 F1FT33N M1NUT3S D3P3ND1NG ON WH4TS UP

Terezi: SM3LL Y4 L4T3R :]


	4. (Vriska): 8low your cover

After finishing her shower, (Vriska) towels off and puts on Vriska's borrowed clothes. They fit almost perfectly. A bit tight around the hips, perhaps, but otherwise perfect.

She examines herself in the steamed-up mirror. Something seems a bit off about her reflection. She leans forward, elbows on the sink bowl, and wipes some of the fog off the mirror. She squints into it.

Yes, it's her eyes. Her irises have gone cobalt. They were mostly black before she jumped through the fenestrated plane, she remembers.

Exactly how long did she spend in there?

(Vriska) shakes her head. No, she's not going to worry about that right now. She's going to chill out. She can discuss it with Rose and Kanaya. She needs to relax for once in her life.

(Vriska) kicks her feet up on the couch and spreads her wet hair across the upholstery. It gives her satisfaction to see the immaculate living room defiled in such a manner. There's not much to do except wait. Wait for Rose and/or Kanaya to show up. Wait for Terezi to call or not. Wait for something exciting to do.

She's never been good at waiting.

(Vriska) rolls off the couch and strides to Vriska's room. The door is shut. "Any8ody call while I was in the shower?"

The response comes out slightly muffled. "No."

(Vriska's) face falls slightly. She would deny that it happened if asked. Instead, she wanders back into the living room and sits down. She wonders whether or not she should barge in on her doppelganger, but decides against it.

(Vriska) contemplates the message she sent to Terezi. Was it too heavy-handed? Too overwrought? Too out-of-character, so to speak? She runs all the numerous cringeworthy parts of the message through her head before finally sighing and giving up. It's not worth it to regret what she said, she thinks. What's done is done.

But did the message ruin her chances of ever talking to her again?

She doesn't have time to ruminate on the thought again before the front door opens.

Rose walks into the flat. "Vriska?" she calls.

(Vriska) freezes.

Rose looks much the same as she did before (Vriska) jumped through the window, but she shows signs of age and exhaustion. She looks like she's gained some weight. Her forehead is creased. Her wands stick out of the pocket of a black and lavender Alternian war uniform.

(Vriska) didn't realise until now exactly how much she missed her old friend.

"Why haven't you answered our calls? We're in the middle of a civil war!" she demands, hands on her hips.

(Vriska) forgets that she's supposed to be masquerading as her younger counterpart. She rushes forward and hugs Rose. Rose lets out a wordless exclamation and hesitatingly returns the embrace.

"Not that I don't appreciate the affection," begins Rose, "but you haven't hugged me with this much enthusiasm since you were in elementary school. What did you break this time?"

(Vriska) releases herself and wipes a tear from her eye. "I've missed you so much."

Rose blinks. "Wait, what?"

"Dampit, (Vriska), we had a Plan!" yells Vriska from her bedroom.

Rose furrows her brow. "What the hail are you up to?"

(Vriska) decides to hail with the bugging and fussing and meddling. "It's 8oth flattering and distur8ing that you would decide to adopt a clone of me and name her after me."

Rose connects the dots after a couple of seconds. Her face slowly brightens. "Holy schist, you're the original Vriska!"

"She's (Vriska), since I was Here First," says Vriska, leaving her room. "Oh, and you have a Message."

(Vriska) snatches John's phone from Vriska and reads the message from Terezi. She grins broadly. What nonsense is her moirail is up to?

But her question has been answered. Terezi does want to talk to her. A heavy weight falls off (Vriska's) shoulders, one that she didn't know was there.

Rose looks hesitant, like she wants to hug (Vriska) again, but she doesn't. Instead, she steps inside the flat. "We need to get back to the front lines. But how did you get here? How did the battle against Lord English go?"

"I… actually have no idea. Oh man, I have a hail of a story for you! Where's Kanaya?"

"She's with the freights. I really do need to get going, though. I'll try to carve out time for us to talk tomorrow. Vriska, can you get our guest situated for the night? I'm sure you must be exhausted."

(Vriska) nods. "Very much so."

They've been trapped in this endless void for what feels like forever. Indeed, it may well have been, for all they know. Time doesn't pass in here. The only reminder that they have of how long it's been is the ever-increasing number of wounds on their body.

A memory rises from their shared brain: a roleplay session, fighting against a much larger and stronger opponent. Their character was small and agile and dealt blows that were weak but numerous. They won that battle because of their great speed. It was a kickaxe purrformance.

And so goes their battle now, they think as they deal slice after slice to the green giant. He is mortally wounded from a strike with a reforged sword. All they need to do is drive him to exhaustion so that he can be finished off for good once they reach their destination.

It's easier said than done.

Another memory surfaces: a half-remembered myth from ages long past on a planet long dead. A tale of the cat, servant of the sun, who was doomed to eternal warfare with the snake, devourer of worlds. The two immortal beings would battle without ceasing until the world's end, until they both ripped each other to pieces. It's a fitting, almost poetic analogy. It would make a good theme for a rap battle.

They know they're doomed. They knew they were doomed from the start. Sprites cannot exist furever. And they were doomed even befur they became one.

Wouldn't it be the purrfect way to die, though? Sacrificing themselves so that efurryone else might never have to face the demeown's wrath? They know neither of them were cat out for being a hero on the furont lines. They were trained to battle, but rejected their path instead. They wanted to battle, but learned to hunt instead. Their role in the demon's demise is furking purrfect for them. For both of them.

And so they contimew to fight. Scratch after scratch, parry after parry, growing wearier by the hour. No end is in sight.

* * *

**HEY GUYS PLOTHOLE ALERT! (Vriska) didn't know that her eyes had gone blue when she wrote the message to Terezi! My bad! There are a ton of plot threads in this story, and I'm weaving them together in a bit of a frenzy.**

**While you're here, here are some of the previously-promised reasons why this alternate timeline is called Eta, or the Etaverse (as opposed to, I don't know? The Breadverse?).**

**First off, the capital letter eta looks like an H. Eta also used to sound like H. H stands for Homestuck. Moving on.**

**This timeline diverges from pseudo-canon. It's now on the complex plane of canonicity, and the Greek letter (as opposed to a numeral) represents that.**

**Eta is the seventh letter of the Greek alphabet and has a value of eight in Greek numerals. (Oh, and it sounds like 8, too.) Guess who the seventh and eighth trolls are?**

**Okay, thanks for reading, see you on Friday!**


	5. Terezi: Conduct fly-over

**FFN sucks and doesn't let me put in the horned smileys that Terezi uses, nor does it allow for the duplicated punctuation marks :(**

**Annnd yet again I'm slightly late. Fridays aren't great days for me, but I'll try to be better about posting on time.**

* * *

Terezi angles towards the group of flying humans and trolls and adjusts the power of her jetpack to match their speed. It's a peculiar arrangement. Roxy carries a distressed-looking Kanaya. Karkat rides piggyback on Dave, who's carrying a chair in which Jade sits, stock-still. Terezi tastes some indiscernible redness in Jade's scent.

Dave's currently blathering to Roxy. "...you know the strider bros all have to learn to rap, so im gonna start schooling you as soon as i can"

Terezi yells a greeting. "H3Y LOS3RS! WH3R3 4R3 YOU H34D3D?"

Dave tilts his head, and a corner of his mouth quirks up. "well look whos back"

Karkat's brow becomes slightly less creased. "THIS IS NO TIME FOR FORKING AROUND WITH GREETINGS, LITTLE MISS NOT-GONNA-ANSWER-OUR-CALLS! WE'RE ON A SERIOUSLY FORKING IMPORTANT MISSION RIGHT HERE!"

Roxy grins. "ignore him hes benig his ol karky self"

Terezi rolls her eyes. Not that anyone would be able to tell she was rolling her eyes, but it's the thought that counts. "Y34H 1 KNOW, TH1S 1S HOW H3 SHOWS 4FF3CT1ON"

"were on a mission 2 stop dirk frm forking evrything up u want in or no"

"1 4LR34DY KN3W H3 W4S C4US1NG PROBL3MS"

"THEN WHY THE HAIL DIDN'T YOU TELL US EARLIER?" Karkat interjects.

"B3C4US3 1 GOT H3R3 NOT TH4T LONG 4GO, 4S ROXY C4N 4TT3ST"

"WE COULD HAVE USED YOUR FORKING SEER POWERS 'NOT TH$T LONG $GO'!"

"1 C4NT DO MUCH TO H3LP YOU 4LL OUT WH3N3V3R D1RK CONTROLS TH3 N4RR4T1V3. OH 4ND K4N4Y4, 4R3 YOU GONN4 K33P 1GNOR1NG M3 OR WH4T?"

Kanaya turns her head. Minty green tears bead at the corners of her otherwise emotionless eyes. "I Am Not In The Mood For Pleasantries Though It Is Nice To See You"

Terezi flies closer to Dave. "WH4TS UP W1TH H3R?"

"rose got hijacked by dirk and now hes off to obama knows where, and dirk did something to fork with kanayas head and make her not concerned about her wellbeing, so shes having one hail of an existential crisis and were off to chainsaw that motherforkers head off"

"OK4Y, TH3N WH4TS UP W1TH TH3 OTH3R H3R?" Terezi points at Jade. She notices that the dog girl has been strapped to the chair with two bungee cords.

"shes in some type of fugue state and shes mostly nonresponsive and thats also probably dirks fault"

"YEAH, AND NOW WE'RE GONNA GO FIND JAKE AND HIJACK THE FORK OUT OF HIS SHIPS TO HUNT HIM DOWN."

"WH4T 4BOUT J4N3? YOU GONN4 G3T H3R H3LP TOO?"

"shes busy benig the new president of the world" Roxy responds.

"SH3 WH4T"

Dave nods sympathetically. "we have a metric forkton of weird schist to mutually catch up on"

This planet really went to schist while she was gone, didn't it.

Terezi prepares herself for some weird stories. "T3LL M3 4BOUT HOW 1N H41L J4N3 GOT TO B3 PR3S1D3NT"

"well she decided to run, of course nobody whos not godtier would ever think about challenging a founder of the forking universe to the presidency, and thats why i nominated karkat to run against her"

Today is just full of surprises, isn't it?

"YOU D1D WH4T?"

Karkat grimaces. "YEAH, DAVE TWISTED MY FORKING ARM TO GET ME TO DO IT. HE SAID I'D BE LIKE THE EARTH OBAMA AND ALL THAT SCHIST, BUT OF COURSE I HAVE NO FORKING IDEA HOW TO RUN A PLANET!"

"DO3S 4NYON3 THO"

"its not like jane has the slightest notion either, do you have any idea how much of a xenophobe she is"

"yeah i 3 janey n all but shes gotta chill out abt the trllls"

"OH GOD WH4T D1D SH3 DO"

Dave, Karkat, and Roxy proceed to recount the events of the past few months to Terezi. They cover everything from Jane and Karkat's respective bids for the presidency to Dirk turning traitor and absconding with his pre-Scratch counterpart's ectobiological daughter.

"TH4T FORK3RS GONN4 P4Y" Terezi snarls, smacking her fist into her palm.

"He Will" Kanaya speaks up in a voice dripping with malice. Comparably, anyway. She's not one to show much emotion.

Terezi starts to laugh. "D4MP R1GHT!"

She feels mirthful, like the last of her grief has been washed away by the rain. Of course, there are still two reminders of it, one electronic and one physical. But she doesn't dwell on it. Instead, Terezi relishes the feeling of being reunited with her old friends. She chuckles softly to herself about this serendipitous encounter. Roxy glances over at her and smiles faintly.

She does feel a knot in her gut upon thinking about Dirk. She wasn't quite as fond of him as she is of Dave, but he always seemed like a decent fellow. He was willing to be decapitated for the greater good. Then again, people can change a lot in a couple of sweeps.

Roxy points at a large grey building below. "comin up on jakes mansion rn"

"ok were going in through the roof so brace yourselves"

"WE'RE WHAT?" Karkat shouts. He puts Dave in a stranglehold.

Dave tries to loosen Karkat's grip, without much success. "dude chill out itll be fine but it wont if you dont leggo of me"

"I'M NOT GONNA LET GO OF YOU AND PLUMMET TO MY DEATH, THAT SOUNDS LIKE AN EVEN STUPIDER IDEA THAN DOES BREAKING OUR FORKING BODIES AGAINST THE ROOF OF JAKE'S PRETENTIOUS-AXE RICH-GUY HIVE!"

Terezi takes Jade's chair from Dave so that he can better tussle with the furious troll on his back. Jade doesn't move.

"(they got tgthr)" Roxy whispers to Terezi as everybody takes a nosedive, following Dave's lead.

Terezi replies with a toothy grin and a thumbs-up. "(N111C3)"

"Are You Sure This Is A Good Idea" asks Kanaya.

"nope" Dave replies nonchalantly.

"THEN FORKING STOP HAVING DUMBAXE IDEAS!" Karkat starts drumming his fists on Dave's head.

"what will it take to get you to shut up"

"1 H4V3 4 SUGG3ST1ON" Terezi and Roxy wink at each other.

"I SEE THAT FORKING PERVERTED GRIN ON YOUR DAMP FACE, TEREZI! STOP HAVING THAT THOUGHT! AND DON'T YOU DARE INFECT ROXY'S MIND WITH YOUR HOOFBEAST SCHIST! HE'S THE ONE TOLERABLE MEMBER OF HIS FAMILY!"

Terezi merely laughs. She's missed Karkat's rants.

"incoming" says Dave. Terezi looks down. The rooftop is near at hand. She orients herself so that she's dropping feet-first, then braces herself.

Karkat's exasperated screaming is drowned out by the sound of smashing rubble.


	6. John: Conduct paternal-filial bonding

John sits on a park bench next to Harry Anderson. A bag of moldy Wonderful Bread sits between them. They look out over a placid, perfect lake. Geese are gathered near the shore. Light from the setting sun glitters off the surface of the water.

Harry pulls out a slice of bread and tears off a piece the size of a golf ball. He tosses it in a lazy underhand. The geese flock to where the bread landed and tussle over it. Honking ensues. John can't help but wince unconsciously.

"gamzee really left a mark on you, didn't he," comments Harry.

"i think we can both agree that gamzee was a horrible person," John responds.

"damp right."

"according to karkat, he wasn't always so bad. but i'm not sure i believe that."

"why not?"

"because gamzee has done a lot of really bad things, like murdering and terrorising his former friends and fighting on aranea's side. you know, things like that. it makes me question whether he was ever a good guy to begin with."

Harry furrows his brow and thinks. John absent-mindedly summons a gust of wind which flings a piece of bread a good forty feet.

"couldn't you say the same thing about jane?"

John blinks. "i guess you're right. jane wasn't always so… you know."

"tyrannical?"

"yeah. that's one way to put it. she used to be really sweet, actually. she was always so kind and patient, and she would always make things for us, and…"

John sighs wistfully and tilts his head to the side. "you know, i can't believe jane's the same person as my nanna. i mean, they're not at all the same personality-wise, but they're genetically the same."

Harry raises his eyebrows. He lazily tosses another piece of bread to the birds. "how is that possible?"

"it's... a long story. the short version is, we needed to create ourselves in the game so that we could play the game and create ourselves."

"that sounds complicated."

"i still don't get it. you're not alone."

They're both silent for a moment, watching the geese honk amongst themselves. A feather floats to the ground, flashing neon orange and green. John studies it with curiosity, then slips it into his pocket.

"so... does that mean you think jane could redeem herself?"

Harry's question stops John in his tracks. He doesn't know, but he feels like he should have a more firm answer. Isn't that what good fathers do, have all the answers? Then again, this is father-son bonding time, so he decides to give an honest answer.

"i... i don't know. jane's done a lot of terrible things. tavros is living proof of them. but... i guess i'm still holding out hope for her, since she's my… since she used to be my friend."

Harry nods slowly. "i understand."

"of course, this doesn't mean i condone her actions. i don't. not in the slightest."

"who would?"

John almost responds by saying, "roxy," but he holds his tongue. That's a conversation for another day. Right now, he just wants to relax and hang out with his son.

And so he does. The two Egberts throw the last of the stale bread to the geese, who gobble it up greedily. Stars begin to crop up in the rapidly darkening sky. John gazes up at them.

"you know, back on the og earth, the stars wouldn't change position randomly from night to night."

"really?"

"yeah. while the sky rotated slowly, their positions stayed similar from night to night. i used to have a telescope, and i always tried to figure out where the constellations were, you know, the patterns of stars in the sky. they all had different names."

"like what?"

"there was one called the big dipper. it was shaped like a saucepan, and the end of it pointed towards the north star, the star that marked which direction north was."

"cool."

John grows lost in his reminiscences. He hasn't thought about stargazing since before he started Sburb. But the memories come back to him as though they happened yesterday: him and his dad standing on the balcony, pointing out shooting stars and planets and the craters on the moon.

He's snapped out of his reverie by Jade teleporting five feet to his left.

"augh! jade! a little warning would have been nice!"

But his ecto-sister looks uncharacteristically distraught. "have you seen dave? i havent heard from him in more than two days and im really worried! D:"

John shakes his head. "can't say that i have. didn't he say he was on a mission for the rebellion or something?"

"he was but we split up to cover more ground and i havent seen him since!"

"have you texted him?"

"yeah but he didnt respond :("

John shrugs his shoulders in defeat. "then i don't know what to tell you. wanna sit with us? we were feeding the geese, but we're out of bread now."

Jade nods and sits on the other side of John.

"oh, did you hear? (vriska's) back now!"

"really?"

Harry furrows his brow. "vriska's already here, dad."

"no, the other vriska. the one who vriska's named after. (vriska)."

"how did she get here?" asks Jade.

"she just… fell from the sky, like all the other ghosts. and meenah."

"huh well where is she now"

"i don't know. probably staying with rose and kanaya."

"id love to say hi!"

"i'm sure she'd appreciate it, but let's just chill out for now." John pulls the weird, flickering feather out of his pocket. "oh, and i found this a little while ago. figured you'd think it was neat."

Jade practically snatches the feather away from him. She inspects it closely and with growing recognition. "what the hail? howd this get here?"

* * *

It's better that he goes off alone. He needs some time to himself, and it's just him, for once. Just him. No voices, no duplicates, nothing. Just him.

Aradia doesn't need him. What has he ever done for her? He was the one who killed her! Why would she even keep him around? Did it give her some sort of sick, Equius-esque thrill? Why did he torture himself by staying with her? He needs to go. So he does.

Cassiopeia, or whatever the not-dog girl's name is, she doesn't need him, either. He's not a god-tier. He's no good at time or space stuff. He's a Mage of Doom. That's all he does: bring doom on people, try to protect people from it but fail. He's doomed to be terrible at his aspect, isn't he? No, he'll just be bad luck for her. He needs to go.

He's sick of dying. He's sick of these cheats that he keeps stumbling into which bring him back. If only he was so lucky when it came to gaming. He's sick of what happens when he finds himself back in his body, the sense of "Aw schist, here we go again".

He's sick of being relevant. But here, nothing matters. Here, he can just exist, and be at peace with himself for once.

He needs to go. He needs to stay. He needs to stop mattering.

Sollux lies back in the long grass and gazes up at the starry sky.

He wonders if Aradia will miss him.

No, no, she won't. Why would she? She's her, and he's just… him. And it's not like they ever established a quadrant, even before she died. They were just friends, nothing more. Why would she miss a friend? Wouldn't she just be 0kay with it?

He needs to continue being 0kay with things, too. He needs to take a leaf out of her book.

At the same time, a niggling seed of doubt lodges itself into his head. Maybe Aradia will miss him. Maybe he'll miss her. What if he already does?

He tries to brush the seed away, but it remains in place. Instead, he just ignores it. He's had plenty of practice waiting out and weeding out intrusive thoughts.

Besides, this is the most relaxed he's felt in a long, long time.

he feel2 0kay for 0nce. only half 0kay, but that2 go0d enough f0r hiim.


	7. Jake: Object to this turn of events

Terezi picks herself up off the ground and shakes concrete fragments off of her shirt. Everything hurts, especially her legs. She looks around. Everybody else is getting up, looking just as battered as she feels. Jade sits in her tipped-over chair, unharmed and unmoving, bungee cords still wrapped around her.

She sniffs around. They appear to be in the entryblock to Jake's wealth hive. It smells like dust, both regular dust and concrete powder.

"k which way 2 the ships" asks Roxy, brushing rubble off of his hat.

Just then, Jake storms into the entryblock, seeming mildly displeased, which probably means that he's very displeased. "Good gravy what a dreadful row you all have made! Care to explain yourselves?"

Kanaya wipes the blood away from a scrape on her forehead. "We Wanted To Uh Examine Your Excellent Spacecraft"

Wow. Terezi never suspected Kanaya would have it in her to lie.

Jake folds his ropy arms across his chest. "Then why did you all come gallivanting in through the forking roof?"

"Well Uh The Door Was Locked"

Kanaya's a terrible liar. Terezi is not impressed.

"You could jolly well have sent me a message and i would have been chuffed to let you in. You know that right?"

"We Were Er Going To Surprise You"

Jake grins. He seems to be falling for it. This nerd's even more gullible than J- no, Terezi's not going to think about him. Not now. Hopefully not ever.

"And what a bloody surprise it is to find your foyer caved in! Its mighty good to see you all though as always! And i see that terezi has returned at long last!"

He steps forward and wraps up Terezi in a crushing, mildly sweaty hug. "Welcome back to earth c my good lady!"

Terezi wheezes and pulls away. "J3GUS, 1 TH1NK YOU BROK3 MY R1BC4G3"

"Well youre the ones who thought itd be a smashing good time to smash your way through my roof!"

Terezi grits her teeth and almost delivers a biting retort, but she restrains herself. She needs to keep everybody on Jake's good side.

Dave speaks up. "hey uh weve got nonspecific places to be so would you mind showing us your rocketships now"

"Most certainly! Right this way!"

Jake strides jauntily through his wealth hive. Everybody else follows his lead. Dave and Karkat pick up Jade's chair and carry it between them.

The group parades through a rather large, though plain hive. The decorations are few and, if present, poorly-arranged. There are a surprising number of trophies. One large and ornate picture frame contains a photograph of what appears to be Jake's butt. Terezi stops up her nose.

The peanut-free gallery enters a high-roofed hangar with a massive overhead door at the far end. It contains eight large, shiny spacecraft. The block smells like a robot diner.

Terezi elbows Roxy in the ribs. "(D1D YOU GUYS BR1NG SUPPL13S FOR TH3 TR1P)" she whispers.

"(yeah but dnt worry if we run out cuz i can alwsys do the voidy thing)"

"Tell Me Which One Of These Airless Flight Vessels Is The Fastest" asks Kanaya, attempting to feign genuine interest. Actually, she might be genuinely interested. It's hard to tell with her.

"Well dirk took my fastest one on urgent business two weeks ago. But the next fastest would be this one!" Jake points at the third-smallest craft in the hangar. It's about the size of three semis lined up side-by-side and layered on top of three more semis. Its plating is gunmetal blue. It has two triangular wings forming a delta shape and a snub, parabola-shaped nose.

"Its Very Nice Looking"

Dave catches onto Kanaya's game plan. "tell us more about it"

"I certainly will! Care for a tour of the interior?"

Kanaya's face figuratively lights up. "Of Course"

Jake strides to the side of the ship. He grabs a handle just behind the right wing and pulls down a retractable boarding ramp. The gang follows him in, leaving Jade in the hangar.

The interior is laid out like a double-decker RV, designed to maximise spatial efficiency. It's fairly cramped with so many people inside. While there's plenty of room, the ship's clearly not designed to hold more than about four people at a time. Terezi's not looking forward to spending so long adrift in space in such conditions with the same four-to-six people. That is, if Jake lets them borrow it.

The owner in question is currently rambling on about the spaceship in question.

"This beaut is the first spaceship i ever owned! I found it in a junkyard and figured dirk would love to fix it up. Well he did and it works like a charm! Quick as a whistle and wonderfully easy to handle! Of course the one he designed is faster. That ones the one he took and its the best of the bunch all things considered. But this ships right good on its own merits."

Jake proceeds to give a brief tour of the spacecraft. It's brief because the ship's not large enough for a real tour. He points out all the features, including the depressingly small ablutionblock, the communal respiteblock on the second floor, the fold-down meal table, the cramped engineblock, so on and so forth.

"I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS BUT I REALLY FORKING HATE BEING SQUEEZED IN THIS CHROME-PLATED FLYING CRIMEHIVE WITH THE REST OF YOU," comments Karkat. "CAN WE GO GET SOME FRESH ALBEIT GREASE-FILLED AIR? YOU KNOW, OUTSIDE-ISH?"

Jake nods and leads everybody off of the ship.

"So You Mentioned That Dirk Took Your Best Ship On Quote Unquote Urgent Business" begins Kanaya, punctuating her sentence with air-quotes.

"Indeed he did."

"What Sort Of Business Was That"

Jake scratches the back of his head. "I dont know. He never told me. Not for a lack of effort on my part as i do want to look out for his wellbeing. But dirk wouldnt say."

"do you have a general sort of idea about where hes headed" adds Dave.

"Like i said before i dont. Sorry chaps."

Roxy asks in a hard-edged voice, "do u got a clue abt what hes been up 2 these past cuople days"

Jake simply shakes his head. He seems uncomfortable about this line of questioning.

"hasnt he been acting suspciuos tho" Roxy steps forward.

"No not that i know of…" stammers out Jake. He can't maintain eye contact with Roxy, not even with the wraparound shades.

Roxy levels an accusatory finger at Jake's chest. "u kno more than ur letting on"

"A-about what?"

"abt dirk dumbaxe"

Kanaya steps between the two humans in order to de-escalate any possible conflict. "Stand Down Roxy I Believe Jake Is Telling The Truth"

"but isnt he in cahots w dirk"

Terezi smirks. Vriska would approve of Roxy's turn of phrase.

"Dirk Fooled Everybody Especially Me"

"NOT M3" interjects Terezi, feeling more than a bit smug.

Karkat scowls. "KEEP YOUR SEEDFLAP SHUT, PYROPE."

"I Dont See How Jake Could Have Been Fooled Less Than Any Of Us Were" continues Kanaya, faltering a bit. "You Know… Considering Hes Him"

"but hes liek kinda-sorta boyfs w dirk still" Roxy says in counterpoint.

Jake interrupts the discourse. "I beg your pardon but what in gods name are you folks blathering about?"

"dirk turned traitor and betrayed us all" replies Dave. "he hit ultimate tier and decided to manipulate us for his own twisted benefit"

Terezi can almost hear Jake's jaw hit the floor. He stands there for a good fifteen seconds, then sets his face in a hard line.

"No."

"excuse you"

"Dirk would never do anything like that. I know him."

"THEN MAYBE YOU DON'T KNOW HIM AS WELL AS YOU THOUGHT YOU DID," Karkat retorts.

Jake presses his hands to the sides of his head. "I cant believe this. Dirk would never manipulate me! He loves me!"

"is it he who loves you or you who loves him" asks Dave.

Jake doesn't respond. Instead, he changes the subject.

"Youre going after him arent you?"

After a moment of hesitation, Dave replies, "yes"

Jake slowly draws his pistols. "Im sorry dave. I cant let you do that."

Dave's hand instinctively goes to the hilt of his sword. "we have to do this jake"

Would it count as a stupid death if Jake were to die right now? Dave doesn't seem sure, so he hesitates and clenches and unclenches his fist.

Terezi doesn't hesitate. She draws her cane sword and plunges it through Jake's chest. He falls to the floor like a wet sack of cement.

Nobody moves for a good half a minute. Everybody just stares at the dead form of Jake English.

Terezi pulls out her sword, licks off the blood, and sheathes it. "1 T4K3 FULL R3SPONS1B1L1TY FOR 4NY CONS3QU3NC3S OF MY 4CT1ONS TOD4Y"

Dave is the first to snap out of his trance. "cmon guys weve gotta abscond before jake hopefully gets up"

He and Karkat grab Jade's chair and carry it onto the ship. Kanaya and Terezi follow them aboard. Roxy runs to a wall of keys and user manuals and grabs the relevant ones.

Roxy spots an unplugged fenestrated plane leaning against the wall. After a moment of hesitation, he picks it up and rushes aboard the ship. Kanaya shuts the hatch and retracts the ramp.

The gang hurriedly takes off, heading out of the atmosphere.

Dave smiles faintly as the ground rushes away from them. "where doing it man" he proclaims to nobody in particular. "where MAKING THIS HAPEN"

So she has joined Dirk on his mad rocket journey through the cosmos, Terezi realises, but not in the way that he intended. Loopholes are a wonderful thing.


	8. (Vriska): Provide exposition

**Welcome to Exposition Interlude of sorts, Part 1!**

**Next chapter is coming next Tuesday because of extenuating circumstances.**

* * *

Kanaya looks more gaunt, and her hands are callused, but other than that, she doesn't look much different than she did when (Vriska) left. She always did look older than she was. (Vriska) wonders if any of it has anything to do with her rainbow drinker physiology.

The three of them - her, Kanaya, and Rose - are sitting at a card table in a niche aboard one of La Resistance's warships. Every once in a while, a troll runs past holding something dangerous-looking. The setting feels strangely homey, and yet not.

Kanaya leans forward, resting her hands on the table. "So How Did You Get Here"

"I walked here."

Kanaya sighs. "That Is Not What I Meant And You Know It"

(Vriska) shrugs. "Well, I don't honestly know how I got to this planet, if that's what you mean. All I know is that I pulled out the juju to wield against Lord English, and then I got hit in the head 8y a shard of the fa8ric of reality. Then I fell up, and I got pulled into a massive 8lack hole."

"Where did the black hole come from?" asks Rose.

"I have no forking clue." She pauses as an idea comes to mind. "Waaaaaaaait….. Actually, it might have 8een formed from the Green Sun."

Rose's eyes widen. "Really?"

"Yeah, at least, that might make sense. I remem8er seeing the Green Sun as per normal, and then, the next time I looked up, it had gotten 8ent out of shape, like it was 8eing stretched out 8y something."

"A black hole could do something to that effect. I just didn't know it was capable of doing so to the Green Sun, notorious as it is."

(Vriska) nods, deep in contemplation. "I mean, after all, it's only a sun."

"By Definition It Is A Sun" comments Kanaya. "Though It Has A Number Of Highly Unique Properties It Was Still Formed By A Fusion Reaction"

(Vriska) shrugs. "I wouldn't know. I wasn't there." She glances at Rose.

"Then what happened?" asks Rose. "How long did it take you to escape the black hole, and under what circumstances did it occur?"

(Vriska) ponders on her time in the black hole. It was, needless to say, confusing. She doesn't know how to describe it, so she just decides to talk about what she can recall and piece things together as she goes.

"I got knocked unconscious 8efore entering the 8lack hole. When I woke up, I was in it already, and had 8een there for God knows how long. Time travels differently in the Furthest Ring, you know. I 8et it did the same in the 8lack hole 8ecause it was also in the Furthest Ring, 8ut-"

Rose interrupts her. "I beg your pardon, but I know a thing or two regarding black holes and time distortion caused by them. Black holes, even in regions in which spacetime is not as forked up as it is in the Furthest Ring, are gravitational wells from which nothing can escape, not even light."

(Vriska) rests her chin in her hand, looking bored. "I know that."

"It remains an integral piece of exposition, which is what I'm providing. The thing is, anything within the black hole's gravitational well accelerates to the speed of light. Due to general relativity, this causes the body to experience time at a significantly faster rate, sped up more the closer it gets to the event horizon. To a viewer outside the gravitational well, it appears to slow down. Once the body crosses the event horizon, the point of no return so to speak, its perception of events outside the black hole essentially ends because time outside the black hole to it has sped up to such an extent. Nobody knows how time flows inside a black hole. Since you were unconscious when you crossed the event horizon, you wouldn't know, either."

Rose pauses. (Vriska) interjects, "Are you done?"

"Yes, for now."

"That was 8ooooooooriiiiiiiing."

Rose shrugs, not denying (Vriska's) statement.

"I Found It Interesting" comments Kanaya.

"You would."

Rose sets her mouth in a thin line. "What happened next?"

(Vriska) just shrugs. "I don't really know. I don't know where I was going, only that I was headed somewhere. I wasn't acceler8ing, I was just going forward. It was pitch 8lack. I couldn't even see my hands in front of my face. The only reason I knew I was moving was 8ecause I could feel my hair 8rushing against my horns, even when my head was still."

"Under a constant velocity, that shouldn't be possible."

"Yeah, 8ut a 8reeze in a 8lack hole? Can you 8elieve it?"

Kanaya's expression is deadpan. "Given That Weve Already Broken Enough Laws Of Physics To Incite Terezi To Give Us A Restraining Order Whats One More"

(Vriska) smirks. "True enough. I'm glad I'm a god-tier, cuz I don't know if I would have 8een a8le to 8reathe otherwise. I didn't do much more than that, though. I mostly slept. In a darkness that a8solute, what else would you expect from me?"

Rose smiles. "I don't blame you. How long did you spend in there, do you think?"

"Dunno. O8viously long enough that my irises filled in. I remem8er they were mostly 8lack 8eforehand, and now they're pure co8alt." (Vriska) leans over the table and opens her eyes wide so Rose and Kanaya can see. "So I must have aged 8y at least a sweep."

"Interesting" remarks Kanaya.

"It definitely didn't feel like that long, though. I know I'm a deep sleeper, 8ut I'm not THAT deep of one.

"Eventually, I opened my eyes and saw this weird pinprick sort of hole ahead of me, like the light at the end of the tunnel. It got 8igger and 8igger, and 8efore I knew it, I was hurtling into a grassy field like a heat-seeking missile. And John helped me get up, and all the hysteria that had 8een 8uilding up inside me for the past however long I had spent in that void just cracked wide the fork open. And, well, here I am." (Vriska) shrugs.

Rose and Kanaya sit quietly for a minute, lost in thought. Finally, Kanaya breaks the silence. "Im Confused About Something Relating To Temporal Shenanigans"

"What might that be?" asks Rose.

"You Claimed That Entities Inside A Black Hole Are Incapable Of Perceiving Ones Outside Of It And Vice Versa Yet John Has Been Able To Contact Terezi Via His Phone"

Rose grimaces. "That is indeed a confusing temporal shenanigan."

"Oh, that reminds me," (Vriska) adds. "I have John's phone right now." She pulls it out and puts it on the table for all to see.

"You… you stole John's phone?"

"I didn't do it. Vriska did."

Kanaya looks unamused. "So Shes Pickpocketing Again"

"Ye- w8. Again?"

Rose nods. "We've had to tell her off a number of times." Suddenly, she smiles. "I wonder if John's noticed that his phone is gone yet. I mean, it's already been a day and a half."

(Vriska) chuckles. "I give him a week."

"Id Contact Him To Verify It But..." Kanaya gestures towards the phone as a conclusion to her witty remark.

Rose snickers. "John hasn't changed much, if you can tell," she says to (Vriska).

"None of you guys have, to 8e frank. I guess people don't really change all that much over the years. I mean, why would you guys need to, when you're 8asically fine as you are?"

"I Dont Understand What You Mean By That"

(Vriska) takes a moment to collect her thoughts. "Well, you guys have gr8 personalities already, you're good people, all that schist. Why would you want to have that change with time? I mean, it can happen, good people can go 8ad, 8ut why would they want to?"

Kanaya shrugs. "People Are As A General Rule Not Logically Comprehensible"

"True that." (Vriska) grins. Typical Kanaya move, dishing out sage advice as always. It's just more proof that people really don't change, unless they set their minds to it.

Rose speaks up. "Speaking of people and the comprehending thereof, how are you enjoying your time on Earth C thus far?"

"Oh, so we're not going to discuss the ramific8ions of your planet possi8ly existing inside of a 8lack hole?"

"No, we're not. I'd like to conduct further research before continuing that discussion. Anyway, how do you like it here?"

(Vriska) hedges before continuing. "As, as much as I'm enjoying spending time with you guys, as good as you are to me despite all this 8attle schist, I'm….. I'm not really, I don't feel like I'm home."

Kanaya's face betrays nothing but sympathy. "Why Not"

"8ecause….. I'm not sure. It just feels a 8it off." (Vriska) furrows her brow and thinks. "May8e it's cuz you're all so much older than me now."

"That's understandable," comments Rose.

(Vriska) quickly shakes her head. "No, no, that's not it. It's… it's a piece that's missing. Like a varia8le in an equ8ion, you know?"

Rose and Kanaya nod. After a moment of silence, Kanaya asks, "Is It Terezi"

(Vriska) has been hesitant to admit it to herself, but now that Terezi has openly entered the equation, the more sure she becomes that yes, that's the issue.

"You know what, yeah. Yeah, you're right. That makes sense."

Kanaya smiles warmly. "You Miss Her"

(Vriska) nods. "More than an- a lot." She folds her arms over her chest and casts her gaze downward. She feels like she's said too much, even though she's said hardly anything at all.

Rose's gaze softens. "I'm sure she misses you too."

"I hope so."

"I remember how the two of you were back on the meteor. You were your own little gang. You were nigh inseparable."

"Yeah, like you two." (Vriska) gestures between the two older ladies. "Frankly, I'm shocked your m8spritship has lasted so long, seeing as you're rarely apart."

Rose shrugs. "Sometimes, the best way to spend time with someone is to ignore each other in the same room."

Kanaya adds, "Anyway I Could Say The Same For Your Relationship With Terezi Whatever Quadrant It May Reside In"

(Vriska) blinks. "What do you MEAN, whatever quadrant it's in? We were pale, you know that, if we're even IN a quadrant anymore."

Rose cocks her head to the side. "Do you know which quadrant you're in?"

(Vriska) shakes her head. "I haven't talked to Terezi since 8efore the final 8attle, remem8er?"

"Do you know which quadrant you'd like to be in?"

(Vriska) sits in silence for a moment, stunned by Rose's bluntness. She crosses her legs at the knees. "No," she replies, surprising herself.

She needs an excuse to get out of this conversation.

Serendipitously, (Vriska) feels John's phone buzz in her pocket. She pulls it out, a grin spreading onto her face as she sees who's calling. She looks up at Rose and Kanaya. "Excuse me, 8ut I have to take this."

The two older ladies exchange a knowing look.

"Why are you looking at each other like that?"

"No reason." Rose shoos her away. "Go take your call."


	9. Terezi: Place a call

**I'm dreadfully sorry for my tardiness. But this impromptu hiatus was exactly what I needed to recollect my motivation and my thought process for this story. Homestuck Eta will be completed, come rain or shine.**

**I'm rather proud of this chapter. Hopefully, you'll like it too.**

* * *

Terezi: W3LL TH4T TOOK 4 LOT LONG3R TH4N 1 3XP3CT3D

Terezi: SORRY 4BOUT TH3 D3L4Y

Vriska: No need to 8e sorry.

Vriska: I'm just…

Vriska: I'm so glad you called.

Terezi: M3 TOO

Terezi: 1 M1SS YOU

Vriska: ::::)

Vriska: Waaaaaaaait a second…..

Vriska: Are you crying?

Terezi: 4M NOT

Terezi: YOUR3 TH3 ON3 WHOS CRY1NG

Vriska: I am NOT crying!

Terezi: YOU S33, R1GHT JUST TH3N YOU SOUND3D L1K3 YOU W3R3 CRY1NG

Vriska: No!

Terezi: H3Y, 1F YOU 4DM1T 1T TH3N 1 W1LL

Vriska: I'm not admitting ANYTHING!

Vriska: I've admitted enough schist to you in my last message to last for SWEEPS!

Terezi: YOU S41D 1T, NOT M3

Vriska: Oh, shut uuuuuuuup!

Terezi: 1 THOUGHT YOU W3R3 TH3 ON3 WHO W4NT3D TO T4LK TO M3

Vriska: Cut it out! Did you call me to 8lackflirt, or did you call to have a pleasant Scourge Sister to Scourge Sister chat?

Terezi: OBV1OUSLY 1 C4LL3D TO CH4T

Terezi: WHY TH3 H41L WOULD 1 C4LL TO FL1RT

Terezi: W3R3 4LR34DY MO1R41LS

Vriska: Good Lord, why do you have to take everything so literally?

Terezi: B3C4US3 1M D1FF1CULT

Terezi: :]

Vriska: Anyway, what caused the delay?

Terezi: W3R3 GO1NG ON 4 TR1P

Terezi: 1N 4 STOL3N ROCK3T SH1P

Terezi: YOU KNOW, TH4T WOULD M4K3 4 GOOD SONG

Vriska: A trip? Where to?

Terezi: 1 DONT KNOW

Vriska: I feel like that's a pro8lem that should 8e addressed sooner than l8er.

Terezi: WHY, DO YOU KNOW WH3R3 D1RK 1S?

Vriska: You're looking for Dirk?

Vriska: What the hail did he do?

Terezi: 1 TH1NK 1T M1GHT B3 34S13R TO T3LL YOU WH4T H3 D1DNT DO

Terezi: BUT 1LL G1V3 1T 4 SHOT 4NYW4Y

Vriska: Share away.

Terezi: LONG STORY SHORT

Terezi: H3 BR41NW4SH3D ROS3 4ND K1DN4PP3D H3R

Terezi: 1NST4LL3D J4N3 4S 4N 1N3FF3CTU4L PR3S1D3NT OF TH3 WORLD

Vriska: Slow down, slow down. You say he KIDNAPPED Rose?

Terezi: Y34H

Vriska: She's sitting right down the hall from me!

Terezi: OH Y34H, W3R3 1N TWO D1FF3R3NT T1M3L1N3S

Vriska: We WHAT? ::::|

Terezi: G3T YOUR 4UD1TORY R3C3PT4CL3S CH3CK3D

Terezi: 4S 1 W4S S4Y1NG B3FOR3 1 W4S SO RUD3LY 1NT3RRUPT3D

Terezi: D1RK K1DN4PP3D ROS3 4ND M4D3 J4N3 TH3 PUPP3T PR3S1D3NT

Terezi: H3 M1ND TR1CK3D K4N4Y4 1NTO N3GL3CT1NG ROS3

Terezi: 4ND NOW H3S ROCK3T1NG 4W4Y TO DO GOD KNOWS WH4T ON SOM3 OTH3R PL4N3T

Vriska: So you're in a different timeline.

Terezi: H4V3 YOU L1ST3N3D TO 4 WORD 1V3 S41D

Vriska: Then how the fork are we going to get 8ack to each other?

Terezi: …

Vriska: …

Terezi: GOOD FORK1NG QU3ST1ON

Vriska: Thank you. Any suggestions? ::::?

Terezi: NOP3 :|

Vriska: Well schist.

Terezi: Y34H 1LL H4V3 TO TH1NK 4BOUT 1T

Terezi: 1LL 4SK 4ROUND

Vriska: I'll do the same.

Terezi: ...

Vriska: …..

Terezi: YOU KNOW

Terezi: 1 COULDNT ST4ND B31NG ON 34RTH C KNOW1NG TH4T YOU W3R3 ST1LL OUT TH3R3

Terezi: SO 1 L3FT 4FT3R 4LMOST 4 SW33P 4ND W3NT OUT TO TH3 BL4CK HOL3 TO LOOK FOR YOU

Terezi: 1 N3V3R D1D F1ND YOU

Terezi: 4FT3R… 1 DONT KNOW HOW LONG 1T W4S 3X4CTLY BUT 4 LONG T1M3

Terezi: 1 JUST… G4V3 UP

Terezi: 1T H4D B33N Y34RS… SO 1 D1DNT TH1NK YOU W3R3 3V3R COM1NG HOM3

Terezi: 1 W4S OUT OF FOOD 4ND OUT OF HOP3

Terezi: SO 1 JUST W41T3D TO D13

Vriska: ::::,(

Terezi: JOHN S4V3D M3, FUNN1LY 3NOUGH

Terezi: H3 W4S DY1NG TOO, TH1S 4LT3RN4T3 V3RS1ON OF H1M, H4V1NG JUST B4R3LY WON TH3 F1GHT 4G41NST LORD 3NGL1SH

Terezi: 4ND UH

Terezi: W3

Terezi: (M1GHT H4V3 FORK3D)

Vriska: Oh?

Terezi: DONT JUDG3 M3

Vriska: I'm not judging!

Vriska: I mean, I get that….. I, uh,

Vriska: (miiiiiiiight have made out with Gamzee?)

Vriska: (8efore killing him with my 8are hands.)

Terezi: :O

Vriska: Sometimes, you just gotta kiss a clown.

Terezi: TRU3 TH4T

Terezi: 4NYW4Y, H3 US3D H1S R3TCON POW3RS TO BR1NG M3 B4CK TO 34RTH C 4ND ULT1M4T3LY S4V3 MY L1F3

Terezi: BUT H3 D13D

Terezi: 4ND H3 N3V3R GOT TO

Terezi: 1 N3V3R GOT TO

Terezi: :[

Terezi: 4T L34ST NOW 1M H3R3, 4ND 1 C4N T4LK TO YOU, 4ND 1 KNOW YOUR3 4LL R1GHT

Terezi: 4ND Y3T 1TS 4LMOST WORS3

Terezi: B3C4US3 1 DONT KNOW 1F YOULL 3V3R B3 4BL3 TO COM3 B4CK HOM3

Vriska: …..

Vriska: First of all, I, I can't 8elieve you'd or8it the 8lack hole for so long, just to try to find me.

Vriska: I don't deserve you.

Terezi: DONT S4Y TH4T

Terezi: YOU D3S3RV3 3V3RYTH1NG

Vriska: ::::,)

Vriska: Okay, yeah, yeah, I'm, I'm crying.

Vriska: Fine, I admit it.

Terezi: :]

Vriska: 8ut rest assured, I'm not going to stop until I get 8ack home, 8ack to you.

Vriska: I will tear the forking space-time continuum to pieces if it gets me home.

Vriska: I don't forking care.

Vriska: I'm coming home.

Terezi: :,]

Terezi: 1

Terezi: 1M GONN4 GO NOW 1 TH1NK

Vriska: Talk soon?

Terezi: OF COURS3

Terezi: BY3

* * *

Terezi hangs up. She stands and takes a deep, shuddering breath, letting the torrent of emotions drain away. She enters the engineblock and shuts the door, leaving her alone with her thoughts for a spell.

Vriska's alive. And she has no way back. But she's still… but she's still…

She's still coming home!

Terezi lets it sink in. She's coming home. She's coming home.

And she'll do all she can on her end to help Vriska out. That's what good moirails do.

She holds the spark of hope close to her heart.

* * *

_Hello again._

_While we're on the subject of hearts, let's bring the spotlight over here for a moment. We wouldn't want the gentlemen of the story to completely lose focus, now, would we? But, of course, we have yet another female to focus on right now._

_Rosebot is currently staring at herself. Well, technically, she's staring at who she used to be. She does that a lot. It reminds her of what she's lost, but also what she has yet to gain._

_Though she's gotten close, she hasn't quite ascended yet. I can't allow her to do that. I don't completely trust her yet. She's still not fully on my side. But, with a little bit more effort on my part, she will be._

_I'm sure Rosebot would have come along quite willingly if I had been straightforward about my plan. But this way, I get to solidify my position as the antagonist._

_Honestly, being the villain is fun. That's why I chose to do it. Plus, Calliope has really worn on my nerves, but pissing her off is more of an added bonus than anything._

_Back to Rosebot. Whenever she comes to watch herself, it's usually because she's having a crisis about her mission, because she misses the planet and the friends and family she left behind. Of course, she'd never admit it out loud, but she doesn't need to. I'm here, after all._

_She's worried most of all about Kanaya, her former wife, the troll who neglected her as her body deteriorated due to her ascendance. Despite all that Kanaya's done to her, Rosebot still loves her._

_It's ridiculous, don't you think? Why would she continue to love someone who has done her so much wrong? Someone who wasn't there for her when she needed her most? Someone who didn't even speak to her for weeks on end?_

_It may be a slow process, but Rosebot needs to realise that Kanaya doesn't really love her. In fact, she's well on her way to realising it. What she needs to come to terms with is that she needs to abandon this preposterous infatuation, so to speak. Kanaya doesn't love her, so why should she continue to hold those feelings?_

_The same holds true for the rest of her friends. None of them cared that she was dying. None of them even came to visit. Well, except for John, but he's irrelevant now._

_I was the only person who reached out, who offered her comfort and solace, who shared in the same pain, who even has made steps towards amending her suffering. Not even Kanaya can say that much._

_Rosebot's array of visual sensors drifts to her former body's hands, clasped over her stomach like a corpse. It's much the same way that Kanaya used to sleep, unnaturally still and unmoving. If she had a heart, she'd feel it ache._

_She's looking at her wedding ring, a silver band resting on her left ring finger, paired with a simple golden engagement ring. It's… oh. It's a reminder of a long-ago promise._

_I had forgotten about that. The ring needs to go. It needs to go, so Rosebot's obedience to me can grow ever more unbreakable._

_You call me a monster? A demon, past the moral point of no return? You're the one who's gleefully spying on your favourite and less-than-favourite characters' innermost thoughts and feelings. You're invading the most sacrosanct space of privacy a person can have. You're working threads of fanon into your conception of how our world functions. You're intrusive, intruding in a far worse way than I am, but there's nothing I can do about it. Yet you have control over me, in your own head._

"_You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."_

_That's Matthew 7:5. The devil can cite Scripture for his own purpose, sure, but does it make the Scripture any less valid on its own?_

_So be wary of whom you call a devil, for I call you a false deity._


	10. Rose: Respond with further exposition

Rose paces next to the card table, her cell phone pressed to her ear. (Vriska) can faintly hear Jade's shrill voice on the other end. After a minute or so, Rose says, "I'm sorry. I don't know how to help you."

There's a short pause. Rose responds, "No, that's not how my Seer powers work. I can only see which actions will lead to the most beneficial outcomes."

Jade says something which (Vriska) can't make out.

"I'll…" Rose sighs. "I'll give it a shot. I'm sorry, Jade, I miss him too. But I'm sure he wouldn't just leave you, leave us without a really good reason."

Rose looks tired, so tired, more tired than she should look even for her age. She furrows her brow in empathy, deepening the creases in her forehead.

A longer pause this time.

"No, Jade… he'd never do that. Dave would never. He knows better than that. We've been over this. He's given up on Karkat. He'd never…

"Jade, you're being unreasonable. Please, remember how much you love logic? Focus on the facts.

"If you want to stop by later, we can talk this over, maybe over drinks or something if you want. But for now, you have to take a deep breath and relax. We'll never find him if we're not in the right mindset."

Rose exhales, hangs up, and sits down heavily. She rests her chin in her hands. "Sorry you had to listen to that," she says.

"It's fine. Jade's just 8eing hysterical."

Rose nods. "She has a history of doing so."

(Vriska) contemplates asking after Dave, but she decides not to. After all, they're here to discuss other, possibly more important matters. And another of their number is missing.

"Where's Kanaya?" she asks.

"Uh, I assume she's held up with work in the infirmary."

Just then, Kanaya sprints down the hall. She pulls off her latex gloves inside-out and shoves them in her pocket as she sits down. A surgical mask hangs around her neck.

"Im Dreadfully Sorry For My Tardiness"

(Vriska) shrugs. "Every8ody's got schist to deal with. You sure you 8eing here won't result in people dying?"

"I Doubt It" Kanaya replies. "My Team Is Reliable And Trustworthy"

"So!" (Vriska) cracks her knuckles. It's time for Exposition Interlude, Part 2. "You guys claim you've figured it aaaaaaaall out, huh?"

"I believe we have, yes," says Rose. "It took a while and a great deal of both research and creative thought, but yes, it's safe to say we have a solid hypothesis.

"I asked John for help with some of my research. He's had an interest in space ever since we were kids. He was fairly helpful, if much more confused than I was."

Kanaya interjects, "Has He Yet Noticed That His Phone Is Missing"

"He has not. Oh, speaking of which, I struggled over the aforementioned issue of cellular communication functioning between both the Furthest Ring and this planet, which would not be plausible if Earth C was inside a black hole. Then Kanaya suggested something quite brilliant, if I do say so myself."

"I Wondered If Earth C Was Not In The Black Hole At All"

Rose nods. "And that's when I had a breakthrough. No, Earth C's not inside the black hole. It's on the other side. It's outside of a white hole."

(Vriska's) eyes widen. Then she realises that she has no idea what Rose is talking about. "What the hail is a white hole?"

Rose adopts an all-too familiar expression, the look that means that she has a lot of information to share and is just raring to give it to somebody. (Vriska) wonders if she made a mistake by asking about it. Well, it's too late now.

"A white hole is, essentially, the polar opposite of a black hole. Instead of being an infinitely steep gravitational well, it's an infinitely steep gravitational mountain. So, objects don't get sucked into it like they would into a black hole; instead, they are repelled and are driven away by it, by the energy constantly emanating from it.

"The First Law of Thermodynamics states that neither matter nor energy can be created or destroyed. Yet a black hole seems to discredit this concept, as anything dragged into its unprobable depths can never be dragged back out. So scientists theorised that each black hole might have a white hole counterpart, to recreate, so to speak, all the matter which the black hole sort of destroyed. So white holes are comparable to an inverted garbage bin. Nothing can be put in; it'll fall right back out. And each black hole bin leads to a corresponding white hole bin."

"Okaaaaaaaay," (Vriska) interrupts, "8ut what does any of that have to do with Earth C?"

"Oh, lots! In fact, I have a theory about Earth C's actual shape, since nobody has been able to garner any proper satellite imagery, and might not even be able to do so, for reasons which will become clear in a moment. You see, Earth C's not just outside of the white hole. It's around the white hole."

"It's….. what?"

"Think about it this way. Our planet is like a chocolate coating on a spherical piece of candy. Then there's a space, filled with the gooey caramel tidal wave of energy, separating it from the white hole nougat on the inside."

(Vriska) furrows her brow, trying to comprehend the mental image. "Are you trying to make me hungry? 8ecause it's working."

Kanaya chuckles. "In Other Words When You Look Up At The Sky Youre Gazing In The Direction Of The White Hole"

(Vriska) gapes. "So the white hole's 8een right a8ove our heads this whole time? How come we've never 8een a8le to see it?"

Rose drums her fingers on the table. "The astrophysics department on this planet is rather lacking, as the lock industry used to be. Hopefully, there will be a need for one now. Anyway, there's probably some sort of weird space schist preventing us from seeing the white hole itself. Nature doesn't permit a naked singularity. I'm not sure about the specifics - astrophysics was never my strong suit - but it might explain why the sky is such an unnatural shade of blue all the time."

(Vriska) drags her mind away from the oddly compelling mental image of a naked singularity. "What a8out the stars?"

"Oh, right, the stars! Have you noticed that they change position every night?"

"They… oh my God, they do." (Vriska's) eyes widen. "Then….. are they really stars?"

"Probably Not" responds Kanaya. "Come To Think Of It They Might Be Glimpses Of The White Hole Itself"

Now (Vriska's) interested. "Then what does this, what does this make the sun?"

"Really Damp Small"

"This, this is forking wild. We're literally on the INSIDE of this planet? How are we not falling 8ack inwards towards the white hole? And why does the ground look like it's curved like a normal planet?"

Rose replies, "Because the white hole is producing the opposite of gravity, in a sense. Instead of pulling us towards it, it's pushing us away, into the surface of the planet. As for the curvature of Earth C… I have to admit, I'm not sure. It might have something to do with our brains tricking us into thinking that since the pull of gravity, or the push of inverse gravity, feels normal, that we're on a normally shaped surface. Again, this is why we need to improve the astrophysics department. I'll have to talk to John about that."

(Vriska) nods, lost in thought. She's pretty sure she gets it now. So Earth C is like a ring, and everybody's on the inside, and the white hole is in the centre of the ring, and it's emitting energy and some sort of reverse-gravity that's pushing everybody towards the outside of the ring and creating the illusion that everybody's on a normal planet. But they're not literally in the black hole, so text messages can be sent from here to the Furthest Ring and the other Earth C.

Kanaya adds, "There Are Other Anomalies Too Such As How There Can Be Breathable Air Here And What Phenomenon Explains The So Called Stars And How The Sun Can Be Either So Small Or So Far Away Considering The Size Of The Planet But Those Are Less Important Questions For The Aforementioned Astrophysics Department To Eventually Handle"

After a moment of hesitation, she continues, "Also Theres The Question Of How The Planet Was So Mysteriously Inverted When The Likelihood Is That Other Alternate Versions Of Earth C Are Structured In A More Conventional Way"

Rose thinks for a moment, then laughs to herself. She says, "This is a story all about how Earth C got flipped turned upside down…"

The reference to a well-known sitcom is lost on both Kanaya and (Vriska). They both stare at her blankly.

Rose awkwardly continues, "I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there, and… you know, Dave would know how to finish this parodic rap."

"Speaking Of Which Where Is Dave"

Rose shrugs. "I just had a conversation about Jade regarding the exact same topic. She's in hysterics over his unexplained disappearance."

"Thats Not Good"

"Indeed it is not."

Rose sits quietly for a minute.

"Did You Forget About The Reverse Order Thing" asks Kanaya.

She sits upright. "Oh, right! I have a rather concerning theory about the purpose of the black hole and what it means for our planet."

"Wow, I thought you were done for once," (Vriska) snarks.

"Watch Your Tone Of Voice Young La-" Kanaya stops mid-sentence, remembering who she's reprimanding. "Sorry"

(Vriska) chuckles. It's been a week, but Kanaya still mixes up her and Vriska on occasion. It doesn't help that they're sharing both a room and a wardrobe for now. Plus the fact that they could pass as identical twins.

Rose proceeds to recount her theory, unhindered by (Vriska's) sarcasm. "From what I've heard from Meenah, she was present during the battle against Lord English. Therefore, she must have entered the black hole after you did, and yet she emerged before you did. I've talked to a couple other dreambubble ghosts, and their accounts of what they were doing both before and after their trip through the black hole seem to corroborate my hypothesis."

"What the fork does corro8or8 mean?" asks (Vriska).

"It means to verify or confirm. Anyway, I believe the black hole operates on a Last In, First Out principle. In other words, whatever enters the black hole last, chronologically speaking, will be expelled from the white hole first. However, Meenah clammed, I mean claimed, that Lord English was krill- KILLED, probably by being sucked into the singularity. This occurred after you entered. So, I have to wonder, why is there an exception to the LIFO order made for Lord English?

"My hypothesis is that the black hole was created as a prison for him, so of course it would force him to linger in the singularity, perhaps to ultimately annihilate him. Of course, it raises the question, is it possible that Lord English could get out of jail free, so to speak, and emerge here? I believe it's very likely."

All (Vriska) can do right now is stare at Rose. She stares right back at her.

After about a minute, (Vriska) finally rediscovers her voice. "Well….. That would be pro8lematic."

"Extremely So" adds Kanaya.

"Remember, all that I've said so far is mere speculation," Rose clarifies. "The reality of the situation may be vastly different; only time, and a real astrophysics department, will tell. But yes, I believe that it's entirely possible that Lord English will escape his prison, and that by doing so, he may very well destroy this planet. Given the nature of a white hole, you could claim that he's already here."

(Vriska) cups her forehead in her palms. "8ut, 8ut you're s8ying Lord English could come through th8 sky? Like I did? Th8t's REEEEEEEEALLY forking 8ad!"

Rose merely nods. "It is terrible. But, since we're on the other side of a white hole, you could say we're in a doomed timeline. So… we should face our imminent demise head-on, with a grim expression, and not be afraid to die if it comes to it."

Rose seems surprisingly calm given that she's bandying about IRL headcanons regarding the destruction of the planet. Kanaya also appears to be taking this news in stride. Then again, she takes just about everything in stride.

"Oh, by the way," Rose continues, "I recommend that you not tell anyone else about this, in order to avoid mass hysteria. I've sworn John to secrecy already; he took the news surprisingly well. Then again, he has been weirdly nihilistic these past couple of years."

"So You Want Us To Face The Apocalypse With Dignity"

"Precisely."

"I Can Do That"

(Vriska) interjects, "8ut, 8ut shouldn't we at least prepare to 8attle Lord English? You know, just in case?"

"We Most Likely Should" replies Kanaya. "But If Both Whatever Was Contained In The Juju And The Singularity Were Unable To Properly Destroy Him I Dont Believe We Would Be Able To Put A Dent In Him"

(Vriska) stares at Kanaya.

"Do You Have Your Affairs In Order" she asks, completely deadpan.

"Ah fork, I need to update my will," mutters Rose.

"Th8t's not….. Th8t's not….. AAAAAAAARGH!" (Vriska) slams her fists down on the card table. A tinny clang reverberates down the hallway.

"I c8n't 8ELIEEEEEEEEVE we just h8ve to ST8Y here 8nd W8 while forking L8RD ENGLISH prep8res to MURDER US 88888888LL! Is th8re 8NYTHING we c8n do to f8ght 8ack? Do you h8ve ANY expos8tion….. I c8n't 8elieve I'm 8sking this. Do you have 8NY exposition th8t could P8SSI8LY help? Or 8re you fresh 8ut?"

"I am an endless barrel of exposition!" retorts Rose. "But yeah, I'm done."

(Vriska) has always wanted to flip a table. And she takes the opportunity now to make her wildest dreams come true. Both Rose and Kanaya flinch as the table sails through the air and clatters noisily on the tile floor.

"Please Calm Down" Kanaya reaches out a concerned arm to (Vriska). "Flipping Tables Wont Help Prevent Lord English From Coming"

"Y8U'RE telling M8 to C8LM DOWN? Why d8n't you st8ck a r8d-hot P8KER up your 8xe, you SCH8ST-E8TING-"

"You Sound Exactly Like Karkat"

That shuts her right up.

Rose stands up and looks (Vriska) directly in the eyes. The look she's going for is probably sympathy, but given her tendency to Kubrick-stare pretty much constantly, she looks vaguely threatening. "Please, (Vriska). Relax. Don't worry about it. Don't worry other people. I'm concerned, too, but this is all for the best. It takes bravery to face death with dignity. So relax."

(Vriska) relents and nods. The tension goes from her shoulders.

Of course, that's all on the outside. Her emotional state on the inside is a very different story.

No, (Vriska's) not going to relax any more. She's spent long enough doing that. She's not going to sit still and patiently wait to be killed. She's going to knuckle down and figure out how to escape this bizarre forking inverted planet. For Terezi's sake. For her own sake.

She's not done living quite yet.

* * *

**If you can't tell, I'm inordinately fond of astrophysics and am very grateful for the opportunity to work some into this fic.**

**Hope you're liking the story so far! Next chapter's a comparative behemoth; it might be a week until I post it, though I'll try to have it ready by Friday. See you when it's ready!**


	11. Terezi: Succumb to boredom

**Hello, I'm very sorry that this chapter is so late. I'm trying my best to stick to a schedule, but it's tough, since I'm working on a couple major projects at once and since my motivation to continue this fanfic is starting to wane. I will finish it, of course, because I finish what I start. But I'm worn out, by life and by projects and everything, and though I really want to stick to a schedule as best I can, it might not happen.**

**The next chapter won't come out until next Friday at the earliest, due to Christmas. I hope you all have a lovely Christmas/Boxing Day/Kwanzaa/winter solstice/Festivus!**

* * *

Technically speaking, it's never morning in space. Terezi's more than used to that by now. Since it's black out all the time, it's only morning when you feel like it. The concept of passing days becomes more or less irrelevant when you don't have a clock or a sun to watch rise. And, while this rocket is equipped with digital timekeeping devices, the concept of when to wake up is still subjective. It's not like anyone has to go anywhere.

That said, it's not very polite of Kanaya to wake up so early. Especially if she's going to immediately ask Terezi for a drink.

"(GO B4CK TO SL33P)" Terezi whispers in a harsh hiss.

"(Im Thirsty)" she responds, giving her a gentle prod in the side.

Terezi sighs heavily and ignores her temporary cocoonmate. Kanaya isn't going to give up so easily, unfortunately. She prods her again. "(Please)"

Terezi rolls over onto her back, pulls the headcushion out from under both of their heads, and covers her head and neck with it.

"(Oh Come On What Do You Want From Me In Return)"

"(4LL 1 W4NT 1S FOR YOU TO GO TH3 FORK TO SL33P)"

Kanaya lets out a long, frustrated sigh. "(Please Dont Make Me Use Force)"

Terezi ignores her. Eventually, Kanaya rips the headcushion out of her grasp. Terezi snatches it back, and the two tussle with it for a minute.

Kanaya's eyes glow yellow. She bares her fangs in an uncharacteristically unnerving grin. "(Better That My Prey Wants To Struggle)"

Terezi freezes in fear, then relents. It's best not to start a conflict, she figures. She rolls onto her side and brushes the hair away from her neck. "(OK4Y F1N3)"

Without hesitation, Kanaya sinks her fangs into Terezi's carotid artery. Terezi lets out a small yelp of pain. After half a minute, Kanaya pulls away, wiping the wound clean with the sleeve of her shirt. "(Sorry About That)" she says in a rather not-sorry tone.

Terezi just groans and rolls back onto her stomach in response. She lies there for a while, unable to fall back asleep.

Kanaya can be a real pain in the neck sometimes.

The cocoons are not intended to be used by more than one person at a time. But, since there are only four of them and five people who need to use them, they have to share. Dave and Karkat typically share a cocoon, but sometimes they don't feel like it.

Terezi doesn't mind bunking with Kanaya on occasion. It's certainly better than sleeping on the floor or the couch or sharing a cocoon with Roxy, space-hog extraordinaire. Kanaya doesn't move around much at night. Actually, she doesn't move at all. It's almost unsettling seeing her lying on her back like a corpse at night. Terezi wonders if Rose ever thought it was weird.

Come to think of it, she kind of misses Rose. Terezi is grateful that (Vriska) let her chat with the alternate version of her for a couple of minutes the other day. She misses her sarcasm and her refreshing sanity. (Well, relatively speaking.)

She hopes that Dirk hasn't done too much harm to her.

"(1 HOP3 ROS3 1S 4LL R1GHT, WH3R3V3R SH3 1S)" Terezi mutters, half to herself.

Then she remembers that whatever sorrow she feels regarding Rose, Kanaya probably feels it a hundred times as strongly.

Sure enough, the taller troll bites back a sudden sob. "(So Do I)" she manages.

"(I Was… Trying Not To Think About Her… To Stop The Pain… So Thanks A Lot)" Kanaya struggles to smile.

Terezi gives her an affectionate nudge. "(1M PR4CT1C4LLY TH3 P4TRON S41NT OF FORK1NG UP 3MOT1ON4L SCH1ST)"

"(But Youre Right… I Should Worry About Her And Allow Myself To Miss Her… I Just Dont Want To Be Reminded Of How I Failed Her I Guess)"

"(YOU H4V3NT F41L3D 4T 4 GODD4MP TH1NG)"

"(I Know But I Still Feel Like I Have)"

A minty-green tear drips from Kanaya's eye. Terezi feels a strong pang of sympathy for her friend. She pulls her into a tight, sharp hug. Kanaya stiffens and pushes her away.

"(WH4TS TH3 PROBL3M?)"

"(Dont Try And Comfort Me)" Kanaya curls up into a ball. "(I Ought To Be The One Providing Comfort Not The Recipient)"

"(TH4TS BULLSCH1ST)" Terezi props herself up on one elbow to get a better look at her friend's face.

"(You Shouldnt Be Worried About Me When You Have Your Own Problems With Which To Concern Yourself

"(Your Problems Are Bigger Than Mine So I Dont Know What Im Complaining About

"(You Have To Worry About Retrieving (Vriska) From A Completely Different Timeline While I Only Have To Worry About Retrieving Rose From A Spaceship Which Were Pursuing As We Speak

"(So Dont Belittle Your Worries For My Sake Because Thats My Duty)"

Kanaya sniffles and wipes away the tears that are now streaming down her cheeks.

"(K4N4Y4 LOOK 4T M3)" Terezi puts her free hand on her shoulder. Kanaya tilts her head back.

"(N3V3R 1N MY L1F3 D1D 1 TH1NK 1D 3V3R H34R SUCH 4 LO4D OF UTT3R MUSCL3B34ST 3XCR3M3NT COM3 OUT OF YOUR MOUTH

"(BY NO M34NS SHOULD YOU B3 HOLD1NG YOURS3LF TO SUCH 4 R1D1CULOUSLY H1GH ST4ND4RD, 3SP3C14LLY S1NC3 YOU R3FUS3 TO HOLD US TO 1T

"(4ND 1 KNOW 1 TRULY 4M WORR13D 4BOUT (VR1SK4), BUT TH4T DO3SNT M34N 1M GONN4 1GNOR3 4NOTH3R FR13ND 1N N33D

"(SO DONT TRY TO C4RRY TH3S3 WORR13S 4LL ON YOUR OWN, 4ND L3T US H3LP W1TH TH4T, 1N TH3 S4M3 W4Y TH4T YOUR3 H3LP1NG 4LL OF US)"

Kanaya has turned to face Terezi. Her expression exudes grief mixed with gratitude.

"(Youre Nicer To Me Than I Deserve)"

Terezi pulls her into a hug. This time, Kanaya doesn't try to escape.

"(WH4T YOU D3S3RV3 1S H4PP1N3SS, 4ND TO B3 W1TH ROS3 4G41N)"

Kanaya starts to cry. Through her sobs, she manages to say, "(I Miss Her… Im Sorry I Know You Miss (Vriska) But I Just… I Miss Rose So Much…)"

Terezi thinks about how much she misses (Vriska), but she focuses instead on how Kanaya needs her right now.

Then again, Kanaya needs to understand that it's okay to comfort as well as be comforted, that it's okay to do both at once.

But before Terezi can puzzle out a way to properly express this sentiment, she finds that Kanaya has fallen asleep. She figures she may as well think about it tomorrow morning, however soon that may be. She closes her eyes.

* * *

Jane runs her fingers across Jake's cold, lifeless face. She's grieving, but it doesn't show. She keeps it sealed up within her. She can't show any weakness, not even in private. You never know where paparazzi may lurk.

Speaking of which, this news is sure to spread all over the media like wildfire. Television has already been wondering where the heck Dirk and Jake got off to, why they haven't been to the studio in five weeks. Some people are afraid to look into it too much; after all, as they say, mortals ought not to meddle in the affairs of their superiors. But others are far more nosy, more nosy than Jane would like.

The bodies of deceased god-tiers don't decay, so Jane has no idea how long Jake lay in the hanger of his mansion, a sharp-edged hole through his heart. He could have been there for four minutes or four weeks.

She does, however, have some notion as to who may have committed such a heinous crime. When she entered Jake's house, using the spare key under the welcome mat, she found a lot of rubble. And among the rubble, she found a trace of jade-green blood.

Some troll must have snuck in here and killed him. Jane needs to figure out who did it and why.

She's no detective, though. But she does know someone whom she thinks can help. That someone should arrive any minute now.

"You don't ever call me anymore," says Nannasprite as she floats through the wall.

Jane jumps. "Goodness! You couldn't have floated in through the door?"

"I could have, but you left it open for me, so where's the jest in that?" Nannasprite grins. "Now, why have you only thought to ring me now, when you need me, instead of at any point over the past six months, when I would have loved to hear from you?"

Jane's lips go thin as she feels her Prankster's Gambit take a blow. She has no response because she has no excuse. Instead, she changes the subject. "Nanna, I need your help in sleuthing out the murderer of poor Jake here."

Nannasprite acknowledges the change in subject by providing one of her own. "By golly, it's so neat in here!"

Jane doesn't want to acknowledge this new subject change, but she does want to address Nannasprite's reason for saying the word "neat" with the same distaste with which most others would say "messy". So she defensively asks, "And what do you mean by that?"

"I mean that a young lady such as yourself ought to have a bit of disorder in her life! Not everything ought to be perfect, after all!"

"That certainly doesn't mean we can't give it the old college try."

"Of course not! But not everything can be controlled."

Jane doesn't want to engage in passive-aggressive warfare with her genetic duplicate slash grandmother slash great-great-grandmother. So she wrenches the subject back to Jake. "But can you at least help me smooth out this one wrinkle by helping me find the identity of dear Jake's assailant?" After a moment, she adds, "I promise to call you more frequently from now on."

Nannasprite answers, "With your present attitude, I'd almost rather you didn't call! But of course I'll help you! After all, I do care about you, though I wonder if you still feel the same way about me!"

Jane's Prankster's Gambit takes a sizable blow. She has to close her eyes and use her deep breathing exercises in order to remain calm. Four counts in, seven counts out.

She's quite put off by this show of complete and utter honesty. After all, Jane's a politician now, as well as a business executive. Frankness is not something which is bandied about in those areas. She must admit to herself that she finds it a bit refreshing.

Nannasprite hovers around Jake's body, peering at it carefully through her spectacles. "So! Tell me what you know about your love's passing!"

Jane is perturbed by Nannasprite calling Jake her love. After all, it's not like Jake ever seemed to return the sentiment. Nonetheless, she tells her about the broken ceiling and the jade blood.

Nannasprite nods sagely and asks, "Do you believe the killer is the person who left behind the bloodstain?"

"Of course! How could it not be?"

"So you believe that whatever entity broke the roof was the same one which left behind the bloodstain and also killed Jake?"

"For certain!"

Nannasprite adjusts her spectacles. "Do you know the difference between correlation and causation?"

"Um…" Jane needs to stop and think. Nannasprite's right: just because two events occurred in the same location and during the same five-week period doesn't mean that they occurred during the same event and for the same reason. In other words, whomever smashed in the ceiling might be a different person from whomever left behind the blood, who might himself be different from whomever killed Jake.

"I take it you have heard of it," Nannasprite remarks.

Jane is exasperated now, and it shows. Nannasprite is making too much sense. Not being in the right is annoying. And her Prankster's Gambit continues to slide downwards.

"I have. So, what do you suggest I do about that?"

"I suggest you speak with someone whom you know has been to Jake's home recently. Maybe one of his paramours will know? Maybe Dirk will?"

Jane clenches her fists until her knuckles go white. Her Prankster's Gambit slips down another couple notches.

"No, I don't believe that will be necessary."

"Are you sure?" asks Nannasprite. "I'm sure that Dirk would be able to help you out, just as he helped you attain your political status! Plus, aren't you both united by your love for Jake? So, wouldn't it be fitting for the two of you to work together to avenge his death?"

Jane freezes as her Prankster's Gambit finally bottoms out. Right now, she can only think of Dirk as a rival for Jake's affection, and a successful one, at that. Sure, she was always friends with him, and he was always friendly towards her, but what if that all changed? What if Dirk found out that Jane had tried to seduce his former boyfriend? He had been acting oddly when last she spoke to him, after all.

"No, I don't wish to do so."

"Then again, you could always resurrect Jake and have him tell you himself what happened. Couldn't you?"

Jane suddenly remembers that resurrecting Jake is something that she can do. Just as suddenly, she realises that she doesn't want to. After all, it's clear that Jake felt more strongly for Dirk than he ever did for her. And does she really want to live with her mistake?

So Jane slowly shakes her head no and condemns her dearest friend to eternal rest.

Nannasprite shrugs, a difficult task to perform with one fake arm, and says, "It doesn't seem like I can help you much anymore. Well, just remember that I only have your best interests in mind."

Her gaze falls upon the juju, still resting conspicuously upon the mantel.

"Oh, and that lollipop whatchamacallit, you ought to keep that precious thing someplace safe! Perhaps I can take care of it for you?"

Jane is too ticked off to want more than for Nannasprite to get off her back. Anyway, she would trust her sort-of double with the juju. Nannasprite has her best interests in mind, right?

"Yes, you have my permission to do with the juju what you please."

Nannasprite uses a beam of telekinetic energy to lift the juju from the mantel. She then waves goodbye and leaves, passing through the open doorway this time.

It takes several hours for Jane to realise that she willingly rescinded ownership of the juju to Nannasprite.

The resulting ear-splitting scream is heard as far away as Calliope's home, where they and Nannasprite discuss what to do with the suckered sucker.

* * *

Terezi: H3Y 1S 1T TOMORROW Y3T FOR YOU

(Vriska): Yup, seven in the morning as a matter of fact.

Terezi: OH D1D 1 W4K3 YOU UP

(Vriska): Yeah, 8ut it's no 8ig deal. I'd rather wake up to a text from you than to, well, just a8out anything else.

Terezi: 1 M34N 1 C4N W41T 4NOTH3R D4Y 4ND L3T YOU SL33P 1N

(Vriska): That wouldn't 8e fair to you, though, I don't think. You get the short end of the stick as it is, what with you w8ing a week for a day to pass here.

Terezi: T1M3 SH3N4N1G4NS SUCK B1G T1M3, 3ND OF STORY

(Vriska): Agreed.

Terezi: SO HOWS 3V3RYTH1NG GO1NG ON OLD FOLKS W4R PL4N3T

(Vriska): Same as yesterday, I assume; all the old folks are warring it up as usual.

Terezi: HOWS TH3 W4R

(Vriska): 8est as I can tell, it's a stalem8. 8oth sides are really well-prepared.

Terezi: W4R SUCKS

(Vriska): It sure does.

Terezi: H4V3 ROS3 4ND K4N4Y4 F1GUR3D 4NYTH1NG OUT 4BOUT WH3TH3R OR NOT 1NT3RD1M3NS1ON4L TR4V3L 1S POSS1BL3 FROM YOUR LOC4T1ON

(Vriska): They haven't said. They've 8oth 8een super 8usy.

Terezi: L1K3 1 S41D…

(Vriska): War sucks.

(Vriska): I wanna get the fork off this dum8 planet.

Terezi: 1 G3T TH4T

Terezi: 1T FORK1NG SUCK3D B31NG STUCK ON 4 M3T3OR W1TH TH3 S4M3 S3V3N OR 31GHT P3OPL3 D4Y 1N 4ND D4Y OUT

Terezi: BUT 4T L34ST TH3R3 W4S MOR3 SP4C3 TO RO4M 4ROUND 1N

Terezi: 4ND TH3R3 W4S 4 SP3C1F13D 3ND D4T3 TO OUR TR14LS

Terezi: SO 1T W4S 4 M3TR1C FORKTON MOR3 B34R4BL3 TH4N TH1S FORK1NG ROCK3T TR1P

(Vriska): Also, I was there on the meteor. So that must've helped.

Terezi: GOOD PO1NT

Terezi: BUT B31NG ON TH1S SH1P, 1TS L1K3 B31NG STUCK 1N 4 CLOS3T W1TH TH3 S4M3 FOUR P3OPL3

Terezi: 4ND YOU DONT KNOW WH3N TH3 CLOS3TS GONN4 OP3N UP 4ND L3T YOU 4LL OUT

(Vriska): That sounds reeeeeeeeally sucky.

Terezi: YOU H4V3 NO 1D34

Terezi: 1 SW34R, 3V3N K4N4Y4S G3TT1NG ON MY N3RV3S

Terezi: 1V3 GOT NO 1D34 HOW TH3 R3ST OF TH3 P34NUT G4LL3RY 1S M4N4G1NG TH1S

Karkat: (*CRUNCH*)

Terezi: (K4RK4T)

Karkat: (WHAT?)

Terezi: (STOP CH3W1NG SO LOUDLY)

Karkat: (NO, SHUT UP.)

(Vriska): Just ignore him.

Terezi: 1M TRY1NG!

Karkat: (*CRUNCH*)

Terezi: (W1LL YOU STOP TH4T)

Karkat: ("W!LL YOU STOP TH$T")

Karkat: (AND NO, I WILL NOT "STOP TH$T")

Karkat: (I'M TRYING TO EAT MY FORKING LUNCH!)

Terezi: (YOUR3 NOT 3V3N DO1NG MY VO1C3 R1GHT)

(Vriska): Shoosh.

Terezi: DONT SHOOSH M3!

Karkat: (I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.)

Terezi: (NO, NOT YOU)

(Vriska): C'moooooooon, Tez, he's just eating. You can't 8lame him for chewing.

Terezi: SHUT UP

(Vriska): I'm not going to 8e quiet until you take a few deep 8reaths.

Terezi: NO

(Vriska): Please, Tez.

Terezi: 3RRRRGH

(Vriska): C'mon, ignore him. Focus on the 8reath.

Terezi: S11111111GH

(Vriska): Thaaaaaaaat's it. Just 8reathe.

Terezi: :|

(Vriska): Theeeeeeeere you go.

Terezi: HMPH

Karkat: (WHAT THE HAIL?)

Karkat: (DID... DID YOU JUST PHONE JAM WITH VRISKA?)

Terezi: (1 D1DNT…)

Karkat: (EURGH, DON'T GET PACIFIED WHILE I'M EATING!)

Terezi: (W41T NO 1TS NOT)

Karkat: (I'M LEAVING.)

Terezi: 8|

(Vriska): …..

Terezi: W3LL PROB4BLY LOOK B4CK ON TH1S 1N 4 SW33P OR SO 4ND L4UGH 4BOUT 1T

Terezi: BUT 1T 1S *NOT* FUNNY R1GHT NOW

(Vriska): Fork, are we even still moirails?

(Vriska): We've 8een separ8ed for God knows how long, so, uh…..

Terezi: 1 M34N 1F YOU W4NT W3 C4N K33P UP TH3 OLD MO1R41LL3G14NC3

Terezi: LONG D1ST4NC3 R3L4T1ONSH1PS 4R3NT 34SY, THOUGH

(Vriska): Yeah, I know.

(Vriska): And while I WILL get 8ack to you, if I can, I mean, not that I won't, 8ut considering the situ8ion, you know-

Terezi: 1 G3T 1T

(Vriska): I, uh,

(Vriska): ::::\

(Vriska): mmmmmmmmay8e we shouldn't 8e moirails?

Terezi: W41T WH4T

Terezi: WH4T TH3 FORK 4R3 YOU T4LK1NG 4BOUT

(Vriska): …..

Terezi: D:

Terezi: 1 THOUGHT

Terezi: 1 THOUGHT YOU WOULD W4NT TO B3 1N QU4DR4NTS W1TH M3

(Vriska): No no no no no no no no, it's not that. Not in the slightest.

(Vriska): I just think…..

(Vriska): We should reevalu8 what sort of quadrant we'd want or need?

(Vriska): And I think it'd 8e hard to do that with all this distance 8etween us.

Terezi: 4H

Terezi: 1 S33

Terezi: TH4TS UND3RST4ND4BL3

(Vriska): I'm gr8ful that you think so.

Terezi: 1LL H4V3 TO TH1NK 4BOUT 1T FOR SUR3

(Vriska): I'll do the same.

Terezi: …

(Vriska): …..

Terezi: 1 M1SS YOU

(Vriska): You say that every time we chat.

Terezi: 1T DO3SNT STOP B31NG TRU3

(Vriska): I'd call you a hopeless romantic, 8ut we essentially just 8roke up.

Terezi: 1 H3S1T4T3 TO C4LL 1T TH4T

Terezi: W3 PUT OUR QU4DR4NTS ON P4US3 1S WH4T 1T 1S

Terezi: DU3 TO UNFOR3S334BL3 C1RCUMST4NC3S

(Vriska): That's an ironic line coming from you.

Terezi: …

Terezi: 1 DONT G3T 1T

(Vriska): Well,

Terezi: OH 1 G3T 1T NOW

Terezi: YOU M4D3 MY 1NNOC3NT ST4T3M3NT 1NTO 4 BL1ND JOK3

(Vriska): No, I meant 8ecause you're the Seer of Mind, you of all people would foresee what's to come.

Terezi: OH

Terezi: TH3 JOK3 H4S 4 DOUBL3 M34N1NG

(Vriska): 8OTH interpret8ions are correct!

Terezi: P3RH4PS

Terezi: 4CTU4LLY 1 JUST D3C1D3D TH4T YOUR3 WRONG

(Vriska): You can't say that, I just-

Terezi: NOP3 NOT GONN4 H34R 1T, YOUR3 WRONG 4ND TH4TS F1N4L

(Vriska): You can't do this! Su8jective interpret8ion can't 8e-

Terezi: OH SHUT UP

Terezi: 1 SW34R, YOU GOTT4 L34RN WH3N TO STOP S4Y1NG STUP1D SCH1ST

(Vriska): NOTHING I say is EVER stupid!

Terezi: F4LS3

Terezi: 3V3RYTH1NG YOU S4Y 1S STUP1D, DUNK4X3

Terezi: WOULD YOU L1K3 4 S3COND OP1N1ON?

(Vriska): I-

Terezi: (YO K4RK4T)

Karkat: (WHAT DO YOU WANT?)

Terezi: (1S 3V3RYTH1NG TH4T (VR1SK4) S4YS STUP1D?)

Karkat: (DUH, OF FORKING COURSE IT IS! YOU REALLY NEEDED ME TO VERIFY THAT FOR YOU?)

Terezi: (NO BUT TH4NKS 4NYW4Y)

Terezi: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3

(Vriska): Why don't YOU shut up for a change?

Terezi: SUR3 TH1NG (V)

Terezi: :]

-TEREZI PYROPE has left the call-

(Vriska): Oh, for FORK'S S8KE…..

* * *

"the prince is on his way."

"well be ready for him when he arrives"

"we sure as hail will be

"well be readier than an honours student prepping for the final exam

"sure maybe hell cram a bunch for it last minute

"but you cant say the dude doesnt have his facts down pat

"wrapped up tighter than a burrito at taco bell

"seriously tho metaphors aside never eat there the food tastes like actual vomit"

"does he ever shut up?"

"i dont know him that well so i dont have the final word on the matter

"but i sincerely doubt it"

"you would assume that reaching ultimate tier would make people behave more rationally, and yet it doesn't."

"are you calling me irrational? i would resent that more if it werent coming out of the mouth of a teenage version of my sort of ex wife whos being possessed by a green skull lord english clone thingy"

"the correct term for my species is cherub."

"you sure as hail dont look angelic"

"how would you know what an angel looks like dave? have you ever died? oh wait i just remembered"

"took the ironic words right out of my mouth

"i think were gonna get along just fine aradia

"too bad your yellow buddy didnt come along with us"

"that reminds me

"calliope i was wondering if we could return for him after this strife has ended?"

"sadly, we cannot. i'm sorry, maid, but the mage is now beyond our reach. he is in a timeline irrelevant to, and yet intertwined with, this one."

"then ill just have to find a way to retrieve him"

"im with you on that

"well get up to our armpits in weird time schist and fetch your friend out of inverse world"

"feel free to plot out your time shenanigans, but remember that we have a crisis to face which is far more immediate."

"ah yes the strife"

"we will not actually be fighting."

"we what?"

"oh thats a relief"

"the upcoming strife is for the prince and the seers, not for us."

"then why the hail are we here"

"to give your short blind friend guidance."

"i would like to make a sarcastic comment about how you have called me short by transitive relation but i am interested in what you have to share"

"that makes one of us"

"please tone down your snark, knight. maid, do you remember our discussion about stories?"

* * *

Terezi finds Roxy sitting in the control room and talking to Jade.

"OH SO TH4TS WH3R3 YOUV3 B33N" she remarks.

Roxy starts. "aSDLFJJS" He takes a moment to compose himself. "ye whos asknig"

"NOBODY, 1 W4S JUST WOND3R1NG WH3R3 YOU GOT OFF TO"

"just sitting here n talknig n bein all chillax staring out at hte void of space u kno"

Terezi sits on top of the control panel, being careful not to accidentally press any buttons. "SH3S NOT GONN4 T4LK B4CK"

Roxy shrugs. "i konw, bt tbh its easier to chat w some1 whos not chatting back"

"TRU3 TH4T"

They both sit in silence for a minute or so.

"i rly kinda miss her"

"OH?"

"i mean shes still righ here bt its not liek she can talk or anythign. its so forknig weird having her so close and yet so far away"

Terezi thinks of (Vriska). "Y34H, 1 COMPL3T3LY UND3RST4ND"

"and talkin 2 her is almost comvorting"

Terezi just nods. Roxy's practically telling her the story of her life.

They both sit quietly for a while. Roxy gives Jade a scratch behind the ears.

"i wonder hows calliope doin"

"1 COULDNT T3LL YOU"

"n jane n jake… i hope hes better now"

"Y34H 1LL H4V3 TO 4POLOG1S3 FOR ST4BB1NG H1M WH3N W3 S33 H1M 4G41N"

Roxy sighs and runs a hand through his shortish hair.

"u know im not sure if i made the rigth decision… abt…"

He gestures to himself.

There's not much Terezi can say to help him out. It's not like she can relate to his plight. So she just stands up, crosses the room, and ruffles his hair.

"1TS NOT 4 B4D LOOK FOR YOU THOUGH"

"glad u think so"

"THOS3 WR4P4ROUND SH4D3S 4R3 3N PO1NT3" Terezi punctuates her statement by making an OK sign with her hand.

"well actually theyre round if u look at the naem"

It takes Terezi a moment to get the joke. "GOOD ON3"

Roxy thinks. "i guess… no marter who i am… im just gonna b me"

"TH4TS 4 GOOD PH1LOSOPHY"

They both sit and watch the stars drift by, wondering about what will happen when they reach their final destination, thinking that it can't come quickly enough.

Roxy breaks the silence. "i hope we can talk some senst in2 dirk"

"M3 TOO, THOUGH SOM3TH1NG T3LLS M3 H3S NOT GONN4 L1ST3N 34S1LY"

"i dnt wanna hafta fite him"

"N31TH3R DO 1"

"bt i guess we hafe 2"

"3SP3C14LLY 1F W3 W4NN4 G3T OUR FR13NDS B4CK"

"u think saving rose will hlep save jade?"

"W3LL 1F 4NYON3 KNOWS HOW TO F1GUR3 OUT WH4T TH3 H41L 1S WRONG W1TH SOM3TH1NG, 1TS ROS3"

"tru that

"i bet shes givnig dirk a hard time tho"

"SH3D B3TT3R B3"

Terezi thinks for a while before continuing. "YOU KNOW, 1 4LMOST W3NT W1TH D1RK ON H1S SH1P"

"y didnt u"

"CUZ 1 FOUND 4 LOOPHOL3

"BUT SOM3T1M3S 1 WOND3R WH4T WOULD B3 D1FF3R3NT 1F 1 H4D GON3 W1TH H1M"

"a lot"

"TRU3 TH4T"

Terezi worries about doomed timelines for a moment, then pushes the notion out of her head. She has to do the best she can with what she's given. So do all of them. And the first step is surviving this trip.


	12. (Vriska): Investig8 dimesional rift

**I LIIIIIIIIVE**

**I'm very sorry for vanishing off the face of the planet for the past almost a month. This chapter ran a bit longer than expected, so hopefully that'll make up for my writer's block.**

**Updates should resume regularly for at least the next two weeks: two of the next four chapters are already finished. :]**

**Oh, and another chronology issue: the section last chapter with Dave and Aradia and Calliope takes place after the events of this chapter.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"What the hail is that."

(Vriska) gazes up at the bright blue sky. Well, it's not completely blue right now. That's the issue. There's a rift in the sky, a black blotch of caramel edged with bright green. It's viscously spreading across the atmosphere.

"Oh, we're forked."

(Vriska) pulls out her dice and rolls a natural 64. Her cutlass and longcoat appear.

If she's going to die trying to kill Lord English, she's going to do so in style.

She takes off and heads towards the rift.

Her phone buzzes: it's a message from somebody whom John named "son boy" in his contact list. Then again, she's received (and ignored) a couple messages from Roxy. It's probably just Harry checking in on his dad. But just to be safe, (Vriska) opens the messages up and reads them.

* * *

son boy: this is john, texting from harry's phone.

son boy: whoever stole my phone, give it back right the fork now.

(Vriska): Heyyyyyyyy Johnny 8oy, it's (Vriska).

(Vriska): Took you a while to realise your phone was gone, didn't it? ::::)

John: give me my phone, (vriska).

(Vriska): Oh, 8ut I didn't steal your phone, John! Vriska did! If you want the thief to give it 8ack, you'll have to ask her!

John: oh, you think you can pull one over on me, (vriska)? you think you can out-prank the pranking master? the heir of japery?

(Vriska): Stop em8arrassing yourself, old man.

(Vriska): Listen, 8uddy, we're not giving you 8ack your phone.

(Vriska): It's the only way I have to contact Terezi.

John: :(

* * *

(Vriska)'s thoughts shift to the other John, the John from the other Earth C. The John who ended up fighting Lord English and dying as a result. The John who, well, with Terezi…

Okay, she doesn't want to think about that. In fact, she'd rather think about pretty much anything else.

Of course, the more she tries not to think about it, the more she ends up thinking about it. It's like the "You are now breathing manually" thing.

Terezi misses John, so she's told (Vriska). His absence feels like a sword in her heart. She can't wait to get back home and try to get Jane to resurrect him, she says.

(Vriska) couldn't control her impulse to find out more. So she asked why it hurt her so much that he's gone.

Terezi isn't sure, she said. As she explained, "1 DONT R34LLY KNOW HOW 1 F3LT 4BOUT H1M… NOT TH4T 1T M4TT3RS NOW 4NYW4Y".

Why the hail would that make (Vriska) feel jealous?

She finally successfully shoves the train of thought aside as she closes in on the rift. There's a low-pitched hum in the air, like the rumble that sounds when a train is about to pull into the station.

Hold on. What if John could help her fight Lord English? Rose said he knew about the astropsychics, or whatever it's called.

* * *

(Vriska): Hey, w8!

(Vriska): Remem8er the LIFO thing that Rose said you knew a8out?

John: yeah… oh, oh fork.

John: i'm currently looking at the sky.

John: well, we're all gonna die. guess we really are irrelevant, huh?

(Vriska): JOHN. JOHN WH8T THE FORK ARE YOU T8LKING A8OUT.

John: this world doesn't matter, because of a choice i made a long time ago.

John: i guess this doomed timeline's about to get cleaned up.

(Vriska): Oh, you've GOTTA 8e KIDDING m8!

(Vriska): You're not TH8T important, dum8axe!

(Vriska): Now g8t over here and LEND A H8ND!

John: no, i don't think i will.

(Vriska): Oh, you USEL8SS FORK…..

(Vriska): G8T YOUR 8XE TH8 FORK OV8R TO THIS FORKING SP8CETIME RIFT!

John: i… (vriska), i'm sorry. i, i just don't really care that much anymore.

John: we should all be dead. why do you think this planet is populated with ghosts? it's a graveyard.

John: so no, i'm not going to help.

(Vriska): JOHN. JOHN, W8 ARE AL8VE. WE DON'T H8VE TO D8E YET.

(Vriska): I DON'T W8NT TO D8E!

(Vriska): NOT H8RE!

(Vriska): NOT N8W!

(Vriska): I NEED TO S88 TEREZI!

(Vriska): I N88D TO GET TH8 FORK OFF TH8S PLAN8T!

(Vriska): I PROM8SED!

John: i miss her too.

John: but i can't help you, vriska.

John: i'm sorry.

John: this is how it's supposed to be.

John: i'm going where destiny says i should.

John: if you want to sail into the wind, have at it.

(Vriska): SH8T 88888888P!

* * *

She shuts off her phone and shoves it into her pocket.

Looks like John's not going to help. Looks like she'll have to do this all on her own. As usual.

She steels her nerves and presses onward.

(Vriska) is now underneath the rift, in the middle of a wide field, much like the one in which she landed. The same one, in fact. She can see the deep score in the ground where she had unceremoniously landed some three weeks ago.

Her heart races as the rift continues to widen, but her face is set like Lexan.

If she needs to be the saviour… so be it.

Something emerges.

It's flashing green and orange, a small humanoid figure hurtling to the ground at a breakneck pace.

Not a good sign.

(Vriska) clenches her sword so hard that her knuckles go tan. She takes off, leaving her guts behind. Metaphorically speaking.

She intercepts the figure five seconds after it lands. It lies on its back in the crater it made and makes no attempt to move. It appears to be a sprite, though it's an odd-looking one. It's flashing orange and green quickly enough to bother her eyes. It has legs along with tattered wings. There are dozens of wounds on its body; at least, they look like wounds.

(Vriska) kneels next to the sprite, and it tilts its head towards her.

"B33 sup vwhiskers? nice to m33tcha"

(Vriska) can't help but stare at this badly-injured sprite. Its voice sounds familiar in more ways than one. She feels like she's experiencing some form of double deja-vu. Sollux would be happy.

Finally, a piece falls into place.

"N-Nepeta?"

"B33 and dave"

(Vriska) has nothing to say. Words have failed her. They've failed her so completely that they've betrayed her and turned her in to the silence police.

"B33 you can call meow davepetasprite^2 or just davepeta if its easier"

(Vriska) examines the sprite's body. Davepeta's in really bad shape. They're covered with bruises and scratches from head to toe. Their once-majestic wings are missing half their feathers. Their sunglasses are cracked in two places.

She finally breaks out of muteness jail. "What the hail happened to you?"

"B33 oh just fighting lord english the mewsual"

"You WHAT?"

"B33 you didnt s33 meow there? i saw you and furgured youd s33 meow too

"B33 oh yeah and im dying

"B33 hey its kind of ironic that you find meow just as im about to die huh? okay that was not furry good irony but the pawint still stands!"

(Vriska) has absolutely no idea how to handle this. She thought she was going to face a giant green monster, and then Davepeta showed up. Her expectations were completely subverted.

Maybe she should try to heal them?

"Is there anything I can do to help you? You know, so you don't die?"

"B33 i dont think so"

(Vriska) looks back up at the rift. "Well, uh, is there anything you can do to help me? So that when Lord English shows up, he DOESN'T destroy the planet?"

"B33 furst of all hes already here"

Davepeta spasms and grits their teeth. It's clear that they're trying to keep a brave face. (Vriska) knows because she's done it herself.

"B33 next of all the big guys already being taken care of"

"What the hail does that mean?"

"B33 if i toldja youd want to s33 fur yourself"

(Vriska) sighs. "Temporal shenanigans?"

"B33 kinda but much less purretty

"B33 like a nun walking onto a supermeowdel runway by accident

"B33 except im not completely sure what nuns are but i doubt theyre like supermeowdel standards of purretty

"B33 anyway its so good to s33 you vwhiskers! tell meow what brings you here?"

(Vriska) stares blankly at Davepeta for a moment. "You're dying, and you want to initi8 small talk with me."

"B33 yep! B33"

"You need to str8en out your priorities."

Davepeta spasms again and lets out a faint mewl. "B33 its either talk with you or let you run off and get killed by lord english

"B33 its not your time to die yet

"B33 but mine's coming soon

"B33 and i accept that

"B33 id rather itd come a little meowre quickly cuz im in a lot of pain right meow"

(Vriska) feels a pang of sympathy for the sprite. She ruffles their hair and lies down next to them.

"So, tell meow… I mean, tell me a8out how the 8attle against Lord English went."

Davepeta obliges. They share everything, from their chat with Jade to the unleashing of the juju to their rallying speech to them dragging Lord English into the astronomical prison made especially for him. (Vriska) hangs on their every word.

Just as Davepeta's in the midst of describing their endless, almost Egyptian fight in the void, they double over in a coughing fit. Their wings flap in a frenzy as they writhe in agony. (Vriska) puts her arm around the shivering sprite.

"You okay?"

"B33 i f33l like ive b33n eaten alive

"B33 so no not really"

Davepeta stares at the upturned soil for a long moment. They lie back down and roll onto their side.

"B/ im soooo tired

"B/ im just gonna lie down and rest fur a little while

"B/ maybe furever

(Vriska) feels a lump in her throat. There's nothing she can do.

Davepeta turns back towards her.

"B33 tell jade

"B33 tell her

"B33 were all fine

"B33 and

"B33 i wish

"B33 i wish there was more time"

Davepeta closes their eyes and explodes in a puff of technicolour smoke. Fluttering feathers drift out and vanish in the next instant. Somewhere, a feather kept in Jade's pocket disappears into thin air. A roar from over the hill fades into a thin wail which subsides into nothingness.

(Vriska) stares at the place where Davepeta used to be. She stands up on shaky legs and exhales with finality.

"hey, what was that big expl0si0n?"

She whips around and sees Sollux standing at the edge of the crater.

"It was… uh….. a sprite. Also, where the hail have you 8EEN? I heard you were around, 8ut why don't you ever talk to your friends anymore?"

Sollux looks old and worn down. His face is lined, and the bags under his missing eyes are more prominent than ever. He sits down heavily on the lip of the crater.

"i've been hanging 0ut with aradia and calli0pe f0r the past several sweeps. but they're g0ne n0w. they've been planning 0n g0ing f0r a while n0w."

"Where? And when?"

"t0 s0mewhere that's n0t here. and right n0w."

(Vriska) looks up at the rift and sees that it's already sealing itself in a black caramel implosion. Three specks enter a hole that's somehow blacker than black. The rift closes behind them.

She can't help but feel like she's missed her only opportunity to get out of here.

She stares at the place where the rift used to be. It feels like it had never been there, not with the saturated sky filling the void perfectly. But she knows what lurks behind the too-perfect blue. At least, she knows in theory.

"Why didn't you go with them?"

Sollux sighs. "because they d0n't need me. i'll just weigh them d0wn."

"What makes you say that? I mean, if you've 8een hanging around them for so long, why would they w8 until now to kick you out?"

"i just need s0me me time. and n0w, i can have as much 0f it as i want. i want t0 be irrelevant, and that's n0t what aradia and calli0pe and dave want."

(Vriska's) eyebrows shoot up. "W8, Dave's with them? Jade's 8een looking for him for WEEKS! Why'd he leave without saying anything?"

"i d0n't kn0w. but i d0 kn0w that he's reached his ultimate self n0w. i d0n't kn0w h0w he managed it, but he did."

"And why'd Calliope leave?"

"because she's the alternate 0ne, the 0ne fr0m the timeline where she lived and calib0rn died. she says she has t0 st0p dirk and his ridicul0us meta-f0rkery."

(Vriska) sits down next to Sollux and stares into the blue sky, searching in vain for any sign of where the rift used to be. Was it too late to leave? She needed to leave. Why couldn't she have flown up through the rift before? Why hadn't she thought of that? Why hadn't Sollux been around to mention that Calliope and Aradia and Dave were leaving?

All she can manage to say is, "I wish I had known that I could go 8efore the rift closed."

Sollux shrugs. "y0u c0uld have taken my place. h0w'd y0u get here, anyway? did y0u fall thr0ugh the black h0le?"

"O8viously. I guess the same thing happened to you and Aradia?"

"yeah. why d0 y0u want t0 leave?"

"8ecause I miss Terezi."

Sollux nods wistfully.

"I promised her that we'd see each other again. And I promised I'd come 8ack to her. That's one promise I refuse to 8r8k."

"well... i'll try t0 help y0u 0ut with that, if y0u want."

(Vriska's) pleasantly surprised by Sollux's statement. He's never been fond of her, nor she of him. But then again, he empathises with her plight. And he would probably want to use the exit himself.

So she asks, "You want to get out of here too, right?"

"l00k, i didn't leave with the 0thers f0r a reas0n."

"8ut won't you miss Aradia?"

Sollux doesn't respond. He appears to be lost in thought.

"Well, if you're going to stay here for the next however-the-fork long, you might as well communic8 with your friends here. Like Karkat. I 8et he misses you 8ut won't admit it to himself."

Sollux thinks for a moment longer, then nods slowly and stands up. "im g0nna find kk. and if i figure 0ut a way 0ff this planet, i'll let y0u kn0w."

(Vriska) stands up and smiles. "Thanks."

She takes off, heading to Rose and Kanaya's place. They'd be interested in hearing about everything that just happened.


	13. Terezi: Write a message

**This is rather late and I've been awake for nineteen hours but I need to get this freaking chapter out at least close to being on schedule.**

* * *

Terezi bolts upright in her cocoon. Despite the warmth of the respiteblock, she's shivering. She wraps her arms around her legs and tries not to think about her nightmare.

Of course, the more she tries not to think about it, the more she ends up thinking about it.

The nightmare was defined by pain. A sword in her gut, placed there by a mind under control… a matching wound in the chest of a friend… surging pain that obliterated everything, that shattered reality into shivs of glass. Teal blood on a red scarf. A hole through the heart. Screams, laughter, honks, a strangled grin, teeth where they don't belong.

As the seconds pass, the details blend into a shapeless monstrosity. Terezi cowers from it. She covers her head with her headcushion and whimpers, helpless to battle the internal threat. Sleep evades her. All that remains, all that she can see is her mind, her mind and the fear it holds.

Terezi feels a compelling need to be hugged. But she resists the temptation, since it's the middle of the arbitrarily-defined night and she'd rather not wake anyone up.

After what feels like hours, or perhaps decades, the fear fades. However, she's been awake for long enough to not be tired. So she sits upright and thinks.

Their ship is closing in on the planet on which Dirk landed. They'll have to battle him, since he won't go down without a fight. Considering that he's reached Ultimate Tier, that Rose is nearly there herself and is likely brainwashed, and that they probably have an inordinate number of robots with them, it's a fight that needs to be mapped out.

Suddenly, Terezi finds herself caught up in a torrent of images and timelines. The mental bombardment continues for a minute or so, then stops as abruptly as it began.

She needs to take several minutes to digest all the new information. But by the end of it, she knows exactly what she needs to do.

Terezi climbs out of her cocoon. Where can she find paper? Or anything to write on?

She tears a couple of pages out of the spaceship user manual. She writes a note on them with a piece of green chalk. She leaves the papers on her headcushion and climbs down to the main living space. The fenestrated plane is propped up where Roxy left it, back when the Great Space Road Trip was still new and exciting.

Terezi's almost grateful for the excuse to leave these cramped quarters.

Oh, she almost forgot. Terezi scrambles back upstairs and deposits her jetpack and phone at the foot of her cocoon. She removes the wallet from her captchalogue and examines it. After a moment, she stows it away again.

She climbs back down, grabs a battery pack, and plugs in the window. It comes to life with a low electrical hum.

Terezi chuckles to herself. She supposes that Scourge Sisters think alike.

She leaps through the fenestrated plane, breaking the glass. The battery pack comes unplugged, and the portal cuts off.

* * *

A muffled crash of breaking glass rouses Karkat from slumber. He yawns, nuzzles into Dave's side, and goes back to sleep.

* * *

Kanaya is first to wake up in the morning, as usual. Upon climbing out of her cocoon, she notices that the one beneath her is empty, though unmade. (It's never made.) What's more, Terezi's stuff is on it, along with a couple of sheets of paper. With growing concern, she picks up the paper and reads it.

"YOUR3 R34D1NG TH1S B3C4US3 1 JUST Y33T3D MYS3LF THROUGH TH3 F3N3STR4T3D PL4N3"

Kanaya stops reading. Her mouth drops open. She calls, "Guys Wake Up You Need To Listen To This"

Roxy groans and rolls over, half his body hanging over the edge of his cocoon. "wut"

"Just Get Up"

Roxy spills over the edge and lands on the floor with a thud.

"Dave And Karkat Neither Of You Are Exempt From This"

Karkat and Dave begrudgingly climb down from their cocoon. Dave rubs his eyes beneath his shades. "why the hail did you wake us up i was in the middle of a kickaxe dream"

"NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR FORKING DREAM, DAVE."

"not so loud i literally just woke up"

"guus liek whastu p"

Kanaya clears her throat. "Are All Of You Fully Awake"

Dave grimaces. "give us all a good once over and youll answer your own question"

Karkat yawns.

Kanaya grows annoyed at the sudden turn to bathos which has occurred. "Just Listen To This Goddamp Message" She reads the first sentence of the letter over again, this time out loud.

"YOUR3 R34D1NG TH1S B3C4US3 1 JUST Y33T3D MYS3LF THROUGH TH3 F3N3STR4T3D PL4N3"

There's a moment of silence.

"... WHAT" is all Karkat can manage.

"hloy scnits treezi did wnt?A?" exclaims Roxy.

Dave glances around the room, as though to verify that Terezi is indeed missing. "is that all" he asks.

Kanaya shakes her head and continues to read. "R3L4X. 1 KNOW WH4T 1M DO1NG. 1F JOHN C4N TRUST M3 TO G3T H1M TO R3TCON TH3 T1M3L1N3 PROP3RLY, TH3N YOU C4N TRUST TH4T 1 D1D TH1S FOR 4 V3RY GOOD R34SON"

Roxy's eyes widen. "oh frok tsih cant mena ayhntihgng odod"

"WHAT THE HAIL ARE YOU EVEN SAYING?"

"sry im treid ill rieotretat

"*eritereat

"**RETEREIAET

"fckti

"i siad. this. cnat. mean, anythngi. hood."

Kanaya ignores him and continues. "NOW 1 N33D YOU TO OB3Y MY COMM4NDS TO TH3 L3TT3R"

"OH, SO NOW TEREZI'S ORDERING US AROUND?" Karkat complains.

"for the love of obama karkat shut up and listen to the forking letter"

"MY J3TP4CK GO3S TO K4N4Y4. SH3 N33DS 4 W4Y TO FLY 4ROUND TH3 PL4N3T"

Karkat opens his mouth in protest. Kanaya smirks.

"1 KNOW YOUR3 COMPL41N1NG, K4RK4T. SHUT UP. YOU C4N R1D3 ON D4V3. DOUBL3 3NT3NDR3 1NT3ND3D. 1TS NOT L1K3 TH3R3 4R3 4NY S3CR3TS ON TH1S GODD4MP ROCK3T 4NYW4Y"

Now it's time for Dave to open his mouth in protest. Roxy giggles. "llo ogttem"

"SHUT UP, COTTON CANDY SONOFABIRCH."

Karkat's exclamation only makes him laugh harder. Kanaya ignores the peanut gallery and continues.

"D4V3 N33DS TO W34R H1S GODT13R COSTUM3"

Dave sighs heavily. "oh you gotta be kidding me"

"TRUST M3, 1TLL S4V3 YOUR FORK1NG L1F3"

"u ehaed the gal doi t" comments Roxy.

Dave sighs again. "fine i guess if its that important"

"ye ew sohuild porbs b pyanig coles tatenoitn 2 dis shicst"

"WHAT?"

"we shoujld pay closed tanetion2 terrrreeeeeeeee-" Roxy trails off and ends in a massive yawn.

Kanaya decides to keep on reading.

"DONT YOU D4R3 OP3N MY PHON3. 1 M34N 1T. B4D TH1NGS W1LL H4PP3N 1F YOU DO. DONT 3V3N R34D TH3 1NCOM1NG M3SS4G3S. BUT K4RK4T N33DS TO T4K3 1T W1TH H1M"

Just then, Terezi's phone buzzes. Everyone stares at it for a moment. Then Karkat picks it up and captchalogues it.

"PUT J4D3 1N TH3 3NG1N3BLOCK" continues Kanaya.

"WHAT? WHY?"

"1TS S4F3ST FOR H3R TH3R3. SH3 N33DS TO B3 PROT3CT3D"

Dave raises his hand. "i dont know an awful lot about protecting people in magically induced comas but sticking one in the engine room does not seem like a good idea"

Kanaya nods. "I Know Terezi Wants Us To Put Her In There But I Agree With Dave On His Judgment Call"

"LISTEN," says Karkat, "IF TEREZI THINKS IT'S SO IMPORTANT FOR HER TO GO IN THERE, WE OUGHT TO PUT HER THERE."

"ye urr iet"

Kanaya continues reading, to see if there's clarification. "YOU DONT N33D TO CH3CK 1N ON H3R 4FT3RW4RDS, BUT BR1NG H3R TH3R3 4S SOON 4S YOUR3 DON3 R34D1NG MY L3TT3R. BR1NG TH3 PL4N3 TH3R3 TOO"

They all look at each other.

"We Can Debate On What To Do Later But For Now Lets Finish The Letter"

"YOUR3 GO1NG TO 3NT3R D1RKS SPH3R3 OF N4RR4T1V3 1NFLU3NC3 SOON. SO 4BOV3 4LL, DONT TRUST YOUR 1MPULS3S. DONT 4CT ON 1NST1NCT. TH4TS WH3R3 D1RK G3TS YOU. TH1NK 4BOUT WH4T YOU WOULD DO 1N TH1S C1RCUMST4NC3 4ND GO FROM TH3R3"

Dave nods. "sage advice"

"WAIT, DIDN'T YOU SAY BEFORE THAT YOU KIND OF KNEW THAT DIRK WAS CONTROLLING YOU INTO MAKING A MOVE ON ME?"

"yeah the reason i knew that something was up was cuz i would never do that"

Karkat gives him a look.

"well i mean i wouldnt have done that back then"

Roxy elbows Dave and winks.

"OH ON3 MOR3 TH1NG. ROXY, YOU N33D TO PUT TH3 BUNNY B4CK 1N TH3 BOX"

Kanaya rubs her eyes, then stares at the paper.

"Do Any Of You Have Any Idea What That Means"

"oh thats a quote from that movie that john likes"

Roxy nods. "itkl prbos meak mor esens ehwen its larte"

"IF I UNDERSTAND CORRECTLY, YOU MEAN TO SAY THAT IT'LL MAKE SENSE LATER, AND I AGREE WITH THAT SENTIMENT. IF YOU'RE JUST SPEWING SLEEP-DEPRIVED BULLSCHIST, WHICH IS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU WERE DOING, THEN SHUT UP."

"tahts wat i menat tho"

Kanaya finishes off the letter. "DONT L3T TH1S F1GHT B3 FOR NOTH1NG. K1CK 4X3 OUT TH3R3 GUYS :]"

The four friends look at each other, not sure if they're ready for what's to come. Despite the informative letter, or perhaps because of it, they're uncertain about the future. The reality of what they're about to attempt has been hanging over their heads like a hovering anvil in a Hanna-Barbera cartoon, but it's only now that gravity has been reactivated and the anvil has begun to fall.

They may as well prepare for its arrival in the best way of which they know: by debating over the ethics and logistics of shoving a possessed comatose furry into an engine room at the direction of a prophetic chalk note scribbled by a blind alien.

(Spoiler alert: they ignored Terezi and stuck Jade and the dimensional window in the very small closet.)

* * *

"Are we ready for reentry?"

_I stand in the cockpit of my spaceship, hands pressed against the console. Rosebot stands fifteen feet to my right. Her hands are plugged into specially-shaped slots in the console._

"Give it a couple more minutes. I'm calculating the optimal speed and trajectory of reentry, based on the atmospheric conditions of Beforus. It's crucial work."

"I know." _I keep my impatience tamped down. To distract myself, I look out of the viewport and admire my new planet._

_Beforus is a rocky planet, smaller than Earth, with reddish land and scattered patches of water. Thin white clouds swirl around it. It's orbited by a single, tiny moon, shaped more like a packing peanut than anything. Apparently, it's suitable for habitation by carbon-based life forms, if colder than Earth ever was. It's vaguely reminiscent of how Mars looked before the Condesce blew it up in a self-aggrandizing show of destructive pyrotechnics._

_I know the intricacies of my plan inside and out, and Rosebot has recorded transcripts of any conversation in which she's ever participated. So I don't feel the need to discuss it with her. But, for the sake of narratorial convenience, and also because I love hearing myself talk, I'll walk you through it, one last time._

_We're going to establish an advanced civilisation on Beforus, but not personally. We're just here to install some machinery, deploy the robots, and use ectobiology to make a few higher life forms. Then we're going to leave. I have more important things to attend to. A hate-date with an undead cherub, for instance._

_I bet you're wondering why I would go through the extraneous process of establishing a civilisation on this planet if I don't intend on presiding over it. I do intend to rule Beforus, though I don't think myself suited for tyrannical leadership. That position goes more naturally to my old friend Jane. The thing is, Beforus needs to be inhabited. Why? Because there's Sburb technology on it. Because the people who live there need to play a game. They need to play the most important game in the history of all the universes I've known. The one that begins the cycle. The one that ends it. The one that will produce four of the most powerful players ever known. What more could you expect from a 48-player session?_

_And I intend to rule over these people so that they might be best prepared to play this stupid game._

_No, we're not making these people from scratch. Why should we, when we have two examples of sapient life present from which we may sample? Why reinvent the wheel?_

_Okay, I admit that my initial plan was to create life forms that were a combination of troll and human. That did not work out._

_You're probably wondering how I got the sample troll and human genetic materials. It's a long story. I don't feel like going into it. Besides, I'm sure you'd rather hear about how we're going to make sure we create a society on Beforus without need for our personal interference._

_That's where the robots come in. Have you ever heard of the classic movie _Wall-E_, in which the robots clean up a trash-ridden Earth while the humans are incapable of doing so? Well, I took a leaf out of Pixar's book. I have constructed an army of rabbit robots which will care for the new humans and trolls and use ectobiology to create more, until a proper society has been established on Beforus._

_Why rabbits, you ask? Well, they appear cute and harmless, which makes them easily underestimated. My models are also incredibly durable, capable of functioning for thousands of years if my calculations are correct. (Which they tend to be.) Plus, I had already made a bunch of them. Waste not, want not._

_I've programmed the rabbits so that they will properly care for the young humans and trolls until they reach maturity. I have also given them basic knowledge about how society functions, which they can use to reconstruct an Alternia-like culture in which the humans and trolls can best thrive and become suited to complete their game. Some of how the culture will function I've left up to the rabbits to decide. I trust the judgment of AI._

_I've repurposed a large quantity of them to act as an impromptu militia, just in case any people wish to stop us. Not that anyone ever could, of course. I know we're being followed, but they'll fail. It's impossible for them to succeed. I've made sure of it._

_I'll win. Really, that's a reward in of itself, being me and winning this game of chess I've been playing with myself._

_And if I happen to lose? It won't happen. But let's say the impossible comes true. That means I'll die. So, I daresay I'll win in both scenarios._

"Entering the atmosphere now," _Rosebot says. _"Brace yourself."

_I sit down and watch the Beforan landscape come slowly into view. Flames from the heat of reentry flicker at the edges of the viewport, making the red earth look redder._

_It's a beautiful planet. Too bad I'll have to leave it soon. But at least I know it'll be in good hands. Or paws._


	14. (Vriska): M8ke her p8y

**This is a very gory chapter. Please don't read it if you're particularly squeamish.**

* * *

War sucks.

Of course, there are moments when it doesn't, like now. (Vriska's) busy helping Vriska repair an anti-aircraft EMP turret. As soon as it's working, they'll be able to knock out the power on a couple of the Crockerwitch's warships with comparative ease. It's slow work, but the anticipation makes it all the more worthwhile. Plus, she gets to hang out with her doppelganger.

Though she's loath to admit it, (Vriska's) grown fond of Vriska. It helps that they're nearly genetically identical and have similar personalities. It also helps that Vriska admires her. It's exactly the confidence-booster that (Vriska) has needed over the past couple of weeks.

A couple other young trolls are busy working on an identical cannon about twenty yards to the right. They jabber with each other and with Vriska. From what (Vriska) can discern, they all appear to be friends from school. They're all too young to go to war.

Artillery peppers the sturdy hull some fifty feet below. The deck rattles.

(Vriska) plugs in a final cable, and the turret comes to life. She steps inside to check the programming. Vriska heads to the other turret to help out her friends, twirling a pair of wire strippers in her hand.

It all happens in the blink of an eye.

An artillery shell strikes the rightmost turret. (Vriska) is blown backwards into the side of hers. A piece of shrapnel pierces the opposite wall and lodges in it. It's flecked with blue and amber blood.

(Vriska) stands up unsteadily, her ears ringing. Her insides turn to water when she sees the blood. She rushes out onto the deck.

One of the trolls was literally blown to bits by the strike. Amber viscera is splattered everywhere. The other one is impaled to the wall by a massive shard of metal in his gut. His legs have been pulped below the knees. His eyes are glassy.

(Vriska) finds Vriska's limp form, hanging halfway over the twisted railing, covered in blue and yellow blood. Her left arm is completely gone. A piece of shrapnel is embedded deep in her left eye. The tip of her right horn is broken.

(Vriska) feels the bile rise in her throat, and she nearly collapses. With an effort, she hauls Vriska's body off of the railing and checks for a pulse. It's faint but present. The pulse is the most relieving thing she's ever felt.

She gingerly picks up her clone and dashes to the infirmary.

War sucks.

Kanaya's in there as always, tying off a tourniquet. She jolts backwards when she sees Vriska and (Vriska) in the doorway. Her face contorts in shock.

"Oh My God!"

(Vriska's) lower lip quivers.

Kanaya steps haltingly forward and runs an unsteady hand across Vriska's ashen face. "Is… Is She…"

"She's al8ve." (Vriska's) response is little more than a squeak.

The two trolls gently lay Vriska on an empty cot. Kanaya glances back and forth between the two Vriskas. After a moment of hesitation, she wraps (Vriska) in a hug. She breaks down into tears. It takes all the force of will (Vriska) can muster not to do the same.

War seriously sucks.

(Vriska) pulls away from Kanaya. The water in her gut hardens into ice. Her expression turns grim.

"I'm going to m8ke them p8y," she mutters.

Kanaya stares at her, blinking hard.

(Vriska's) hands ball into fists. She grits her teeth. "Th8s war h8s to st8p. Th8re's 8een t88 much d8ath alr8ady! I'm g8ing t8 put 8n end to th8s!"

The troll whose tourniquet Kanaya had tied gives (Vriska) a concerned look.

Kanaya steps forward and places a gentle hand on the side of (Vriska's) head. "Please Calm Down"

(Vriska) smacks her hand aside. "D8N'T F8RK8NG TELL M8 TO C8LM D8WN! NO8ODY H8RTS M8NI-M8 L8KE TH8T AND G8TS AW8Y WITH 8T!"

Kanaya backs up two steps.

(Vriska) stalks out of the infirmary. "I'm go8ng to k8ll the Cr8ckerw8tch. D8n't try to st8p m8."

* * *

(Vriska) tears open the door to Jane's mothership. She dispatches the two carapacian guards with a swing of her cutlass. She sends all the humans on the bridge into a deep slumber. She stares around the wide, barren room.

"8R8NG M8 J88888888NE!" she hollers.

There's no response, just the ticking of a clock mounted on the far wall.

Suddenly, Roxy materialises in front of her. (Vriska) jumps.

"vriska? wtf r u doing here? y r u covered in bllod?" she asks.

"Wh8re's J8ne?"

Roxy gestures towards the ceiling. "shes upsairst"

"Wh8tever you just s8id, it d8esn't m8tter. 8ring me to h8r."

"y"

"She needs to D8E." (Vriska) bares her fangs.

Roxy's eyebrows shoot up. "woah woah hol up i cant let u do that"

"And why n8t, ex8ctly?"

"cuz janeys my freidn"

"She's a m8rderer! Sh8's killed THOUS8NDS!"

"bt that dosnt mean u should kill her"

"8re you 8LIND? Look outs8de! Look at th8s w8r th8's g8ing on th8 sh8 c8used! Jane N88DS to DIIIIIIIIE!"

Roxy doesn't move. Her face is unreadable.

(Vriska) levels her cutlass at Roxy. "Are you going to st8nd in my w8y?"

"i dnt wanna hurt u but if ur gonna hurt jane then i got no cjoice"

"I don't want to hurt y8u, either. So st8nd aside. Th8s is your fin8l warn8ng."

Roxy slowly shakes her head. She draws her katana.

The rogue and the thief cross blades. They duel in frenzied determination. The clang of metal on metal echoes through the empty grey hall, a percussive melody set to the rhythmic ticking of the clock.

(Vriska) has the edge in swordplay, and she knows it. She presses harder, using more vicious swipes and more elaborate parries. Roxy grits her teeth and stands her ground. She's stronger, but (Vriska) has speed, skill, and youth on her side.

One well-placed slice cuts open Roxy's right wrist and sends her katana clattering to the floor. She steps back and turns invisible.

(Vriska's) determined grin fades. She looks around and sees nobody. Then a generic green cube smacks her on the side of the head. Roxy follows it with an uppercut to the chin. (Vriska) falls to the floor. She pulls herself upright and dusts herself off. The clock ticks.

"V8ry well. If th8t's the w8y you want to pl8y….. th8t's how 8t w8ll 8e!"

(Vriska) rolls her dice and spots a flicker of red out of the corner of her eye. She throws her cutlass like a javelin. At the last moment, Roxy summons a pumpkin. The sword embeds itself in it. She tosses the pumpkin aside and charges.

It's not easy to dodge blows from an invisible woman, but after Roxy breaks (Vriska's) nose, her left fist is sprayed with cobalt. Her next punch misses. The time after that, (Vriska) manages to catch her bleeding right wrist and throw her off-balance. Roxy stumbles and hits the floor, turning visible again.

(Vriska) bolts for her sword. She yanks the cutlass out of the pumpkin and slices at where Roxy used to be. She's turned invisible again. (Vriska) slashes wildly through the air. "WH8RE DID YOU G88888888?!"

Roxy answers by putting (Vriska) in a chokehold. She summons up a mass of perfectly generic objects and sends them hurtling at the troll. (Vriska) lashes out behind her, trying to strike Roxy. She can't reach her dice, and she can't dislodge the human's iron-hard grip. And the cubes just keep coming. Her yells turn to cries, then to whimpers.

After three minutes of ruthless bombardment, Roxy lets (Vriska) fall to the floor. She lies there, bruised, bleeding, broken, strangled half to death. She tries to stand, but her arms give out beneath her. Everything aches. Spots dance before her eyes. The room spins. The clock ticks.

(Vriska) manages to roll onto her back. She sees Roxy standing over her, leveling her katana at her throat.

She finally succumbs to the knowledge that she failed, that she's a failure, despite all her attempts to prove otherwise. She was unable to make her lusus happy. She was unable to prevent her session from being torn apart. She was unable to finish off Bec Noir. She was unable to stop Lord English, not just once but twice. She was unable to avenge her descendant and stop the war. And she was unable to see Terezi again.

(Vriska) would rather die a just death than live with the knowledge that she failed.

"Kill me," she mumbles through a mouthful of blood.

Roxy's blade inches nearer.

"Pleeeeeeeease... k8ll me….." (Vriska) pleads, as loud as she can manage.

Roxy takes a shuddering breath.

"Kill me, kill m8, k8ll me, kill m8, k8ll m8, k8ll m8, k8ll m8, k8ll m8….."

(Vriska's) breathing becomes erratic. Every strangled gasp for air is like a sledgehammer to her ribs. She breaks into a powerful coughing fit and hacks up more blood.

She's seeing octuple, but she can vaguely discern Roxy shaking her head in sorrow. She lowers her katana. Her next words sound like they're coming from a mile away.

"i dnt wanna kill u vriska"

(Vriska) merely shuts her eyes.

"here cmon im gonna getchu haeled"

She feels two arms slide under her body and lift her off the ground. The colourless room jolts around, and (Vriska) retches. She slings an arm around Roxy, and, with an effort, gets her feet under her. When she puts weight on them, it sends a dull but paralysing fire surging through her body.

In the most comforting voice she can muster, Roxy says, "ur gonna be fine… im gonna get u help… u dnt have to die"

(Vriska) doesn't have the energy to do anything more than nod. She leans as much of her weight as she can onto Roxy's shoulders.

Together, step by laboured step, they make their way to a door on the left of the hall.

"Land sakes, what in heaven's name is going on in here?"


	15. Dirk: Initiate preemptive strike

_the seer plummets through the endless nihility of the furthest ring. nothing is out here. it's simply the barren expanse that it was always intended to be, though splintered throughout with hairline fractures. my brother truly did a number on the cosmos, as the humans would say._

_the seer can't see what happens next, but i can. a knot of anticipation builds in her inefficient digestive tract. she hates this feeling of uncertainty. it supplies her with a small dose of fear._

_of course, we both know that there's no turning back now._

_i can do nothing to help her. at least, not now._

_she removes her sunglasses and stores them in her captchalogue._

_she glances at the wallet containing the body of he who was once known as the heir, the young human for whom she harboured nascent feelings of both love and hatred._

_suddenly, the seer smashes into a solid green surface and dies on impact._

* * *

_What a shame._

_I had hoped to meet Terezi here, but it seems that she has left her friends behind with a list of vague prophetic instructions in yet another aggrandising display of quote-unquote girl power. Unfortunately, I don't know what in particular she's up to, as she has passed beyond my spanning narrative reach into a nebulous realm. And where uncertainty comes, the slicing off of branches is bound to follow._

_What a shame indeed. We would have made proper rivals. Terezi, the Seer of Mind, self-proclaimed leader of her rag-tag band of bros, aware of all that I create and shape but unable to do anything about it, locked out of her god-tier, somehow still alive despite being grievously underpowered in comparison to the rest of us; but stubborn as an ass and feral as a rabid fox. Even opposing me, a Prince of Heart having unlocked his full potential across the entire span of himself, nearly unmatched in narratorial control, she would have put up one hail of a fight. That's the sort of person she is, one who foolishly refuses to give up even if the struggle is futile._

_Her struggle is futile. After all, she's opposing me._

_My plan is foolproof. After all, it's what's destined to happen. I'm merely here to provide closure, to play a fated role but to give a defiant middle finger to the cosmos in the process._

"Dirk?" _asks Rosebot._ "Are you monologuing again?"

_Why would she even need to ask? Of course I'm monologuing. Do I ever stop? Why should I? The sound of my voice is music to my ears, after all, and I don't presently wish to deprive the multiverse of it. Of course, she doesn't think I'm being narcissistic. She understands better than most the need to exposit. She does it herself. And would she want to think herself as narcissistic as she might perceive me? That would be hypocrisy._

"I'll take that as a yes. You might want to pause your train of thought and check the scanners. We have an incoming vessel."

_I obey my ectodaughter-turned-android's command. I knew the ship was on its way, but it's always a good idea to verify your foes' exact location before engaging in combat. Plus, Rosebot ought to know that I value her input._

_Aboard said ship, which is roughly 25,000 yards away from my planet, the quote-unquote "peanut gallery" is preparing to land. Alas, they don't know how, as Terezi scrawled her farewell message all over the pages which teach a novice pilot how to land._

_Not to worry. I've prepared for such a possibility._

_I knew they were coming for me. Of course they would. And of course the supposedly impartial Muse we all know and hate would break her impartiality just so she could get them to do her dirty work for her._

_I could have forked with their heads earlier in our trip, when my narrative reach extended to their ship before they fell behind. But, of course, I had to expend my energy in reprogramming both robots and Rosebot._

_Instead, I've laid a trap for the peanut gallery._

_No, I'm not going to give you the details. It would ruin the surprise. And you'll see soon enough what it is._

_It's so much more fun this way, isn't it? Not being spoiled about little plot twists before they happen? Having the experience of pure, unadulterated surprise? Yes, the narrative demands my silence. And I demand yours._

_Roxy sits at the controls of her stolen spacecraft, puzzling over the words not covered by turquoise markings. The rest of her crew is in the living space, preparing for battle. Kanaya straps on Terezi's old jetpack. Karkat examines the blade of his scythe. Dave pulls the hood of his godtier costume over his hair._

_As the enemy ship draws nearer, I give Rosebot an order, and she obediently presses a button on the control panel._

_Several seconds later, Roxy lets out a shriek unbecoming of the way in which she, I mean he, wants to present. He hightails it to the ship's gangplank and hollers, _"GET OF THIS SHIP NOW!"

_Kanaya, Dave, and Karkat look up and see a heat-seeking missile headed straight towards their stolen spacecraft. They all follow Roxy's lead and frantically dive off of the gangplank. Just in time, as it so happens, because hardly a second after Kanaya clears the blast radius, the rocketship explodes with a cacophony that would make Michael Bay shed a single tear of jealousy._

_Just so you know, that was part of my surprise, but it wasn't it in its entirety. Be patient._

_Kanaya activates her jetpack, Dave grabs hold of Karkat, and the crew sizes up the situation._

"this is not looking good folks

"we are now officially stranded

"lets just find the nearest palm tree island and sit under it and maybe write SOS signals in the sand with our skeletal dusty fingers

"then the uss carpathia will see it and completely ignore us or some schist

"well have to build a raft out of volleyballs and set sail for the hither lands

"but then gilligan will probably fork it up or something"

_Dave would have continued his pointless diatribe, but he's interrupted by Karkat smacking him in the back of the head._ "NOT TO BE THE VOICE OF REASON OR ANYTHING, BUT THERE'S SOME WEIRD-LOOKING FORKING GREY STUFF COMING AT US."

_Roxy squints._ "those r robogs"

"those are robot rabbits" _confirms Dave._

"Those Are Flying Robot Hopbeasts" _notices Kanaya as the first wave of The Lil Seb Honourary Militia takes off._

"THOSE ARE FLYING ROBOT HOPBEASTS WITH FORKING LASERS," _Karkat finishes as one of said lasers nearly slices off a piece of his unruly hair._

_Yep. That was the surprise. Surprise! I waggle my fingers in mock excitement. A puff of confetti sardonically descends from the ceiling of the test chamber._

_Rosebot is silently judging me. I hope you're happy._

_Everyone scatters, and Dave proceeds to monologue again._

_I'm proud of him. He enjoys a good rambling monologue, as do I. I see so much of myself in him. Of course, that may be due to two factors: me being his genetic father and an alternate version of me being his surrogate bro. Nevertheless, he truly is a bro whom I would be proud to call bro. Roxy, on the other hand… not so much._

"oh my god the forking rabbits have space lasers and can fly

"watch out everybody the killer rabbit of caerbannog has bionic enhancements now

"death awaits us all with nasty big pointy freaking laser beams"

"LASERS AREN'T POINTY, SCHIST-FOR-BRAINS!"

"its a figure of speech karkat"

"I DON'T THINK YOU KNOW WHAT A FIGURE OF SPEECH IS."

_Roxy conjures up a perfectly generic object and hucks it at the nearest bunny. It puts a dent in its shiny chrome face._ "i can maek up a cuve wall or smthn 2 hold off the bunies"

"okay go build a wall"

"on ut" _Roxy salutes and pulls out her katana._

_Dave thinks on his feet once he sees my spacecraft resting on the rust-coloured earth. _"the rest of us will lay siege to dirks ship"

"Ill Approach From The Ground While You Two Approach From The Air" _Kanaya suggests. _"Its Not Exactly A Pincer Manoeuvre But Itll Do Considering The Low Quantity Of People Assaulting Dirks Base Of Operations"

_Karkat adjusts his grip on Dave's back. _"HEY, WHY CAN'T I APPROACH FROM THE GROUND?"

"Because I Already Called It Seeing As This Jetpack Is A Pain In The Axe To Operate"

"THEN CAN I HAVE IT?"

"No

"Remember What Terezi Said"

"WELL, WE IGNORED WHAT SHE SAID WHEN SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT JADE AND OH MY GOD WE COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT JADE"

"Oh Schist Youre Right"

_Dave thumps his chest twice, then extends his hand in salute. Behind his shades, his eyes betray distress._

"Dave Thats Very Insensitive"

"well i dont know what else to do about the fact that two of our friends are now dead

"are we supposed to proceed like nothing happened or there was nothing we could do to stop it?

"because im sure there was"

_Karkat feels a pang of sympathy for his bereaving boyfriend. He grimaces in a noticeably more sensitive manner than usual._ "IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, DAVE. NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT. I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO SAY THIS, BUT… WAIT."

_Oh, for crying out loud. Just say the thing._

"LISTEN, STRIDER, I WANT YOU TO STOP BLAMING YOURSELF FOR BAD LUCK AND SCHIST, BUT THAT'S NOT REALLY SOMETHING SUPER CHARACTERISTIC OF ME."

_Yes, it is. We know you're secretly the nicest out of all of us. Just make Dave feel better. I'm begging you._

"ERRGH, I KNOW TEREZI TOLD ME NOT TO ACT ON INSTINCT! AND I'VE GOT SUCH A STRONG INSTINCT TO MAKE SURE YOU DON'T FORKING HATE YOURSELF OVER NOT PREVENTING HER OR JADE'S DEMISE! I KNOW IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO, BUT I'VE GOTTA SHUT DIRK OUT!"

_Please, Karkat. Don't make such a big deal out of this. Just be there for my bro._

"DIRK, SHUT THE FORK UP."

_Karkat can't actually hear me, of course, but for an instant, I fear that he can._

_Dave glances at his matesprit and cracks a grin. He gives him an affectionate pat on the head. _"thanks for the effort despite my bro being manipulative

"i mean it doesnt change the fact that theyre dead

"but we gotta keep going"

"What Makes You Think Theyre Dead" _interjects Kanaya._ "Its Not Like We Saw Them Die Or Anything"

"it only works like that in movies kanaya"

"Bold Of You To Assume That Our Lives Would Not Have Made A Fascinating Movie"

"true but we know jade was adjacent to the engine room and that schist blew sky high

"plus terezi defenestrated herself leaving behind all her possessions and an ominous and vaguely worded note

"if thats not a textbook suicide i dont know what is"

"WHY THE HAIL WOULD TEREZI KILL HERSELF, THOUGH? I'VE WONDERED ABOUT IT, AND IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE TO ME. IS HER DEATH THE ONLY WAY WE'LL BE ABLE TO WIN? IS THIS STEP 8 IN SOME SELFISH PLOT TO SEE HER FLUSHED CRUSH THE SPIDER-BIRCH AGAIN? DID SHE ACTUALLY PLAN TO DIE? I JUST DON'T FORKING GET IT."

"I Guess Well Find Out Eventually"

_With that, Kanaya changes her wobbly course to the earth some hundred yards before my rocket. She lands like an ungainly vampire bat. _"I Hate Flying" _she mutters to herself._

_I give Rosebot an order. Without hesitation, she strides out of the control room._

_I pull up a microphone and tap a button on the control panel._

_It's time for me to deal with Roxy._

_The girl/guy/whatever is presently building a wall. It's not very effective, since the bunnies can fly. So Roxy is spending most of their time chucking pumpkins and cubes at bunnies and dodging lasers._

"I like your hat."

_Roxy immediately recognises my voice. Her head whips around wildly, trying to pinpoint the origin of my broadcast._

"U!1!"

"Yes, it me." _I'm projecting my voice through a speaker in one of the Lil Sebs. Roxy eventually notices that one of the robots hovers in midair, though the rest of them continue to attack._

"wut the fork do u wnat w me?" _Her intentionally deepened voice holds ill-concealed malice._

"I just wanted to pay you a compliment. Sheesh, can't a guy congratulate his newfound bro on her styling choice of headwear?"

_Roxy grits her teeth when I refer to her as female, but she holds her tongue._

"And the wraparound shades as well, they flatter you. Hail, I would probably wear a similar set myself if I wasn't so attached to my anime shades.

"The question is, why have you made fashion choices so similar to my own, ones that I might even have made myself?"

_Roxy's arm is grazed by a stray laser. She yells, whether in anger or in pain I am unsure. I send a signal through a hastily-made circuit, jumping from robot to robot in series, telling them to tone down their attack somewhat. I need Roxy to pay attention to my debilitating speech._

"I'm no psychotherapist; that honour would more readily go to our beloved daughter. But if I could nevertheless venture a guess, I would take into account the adage that claims imitation is the sincerest form of flattery."

_Roxy is now irate._ "sjut up" _they spit under their breath._

"You're so obvious when you develop an infatuation for another. And you don't ever seem to know how to move on."

"waht the FORK r u talknig abt?!"

"You just haven't gotten over your hopeless, childish crush on me, have you?"

"suht up!"

"Is that why you transitioned, Roxy? So that I might be able to love you back?"

"SHUT UP!" _Roxy hollers, punctuating his remark by slicing the bunny in half._ "uve gotten sooo forkin self-absorbed! u think the woeld revolves arnd u! it DOESNT! ive moved on! i dont give a schist abt u any moer!"

_I activate the microphone on another robot rabbit and manually pilot it to her._ "If you don't, then why the hail would you turn yourself into me?"

"im not u! and ill neve rbe u! who the fork woild WANT to?" _Roxy punches this one. Its head cracks into pieces. Sheesh, I'm glad I didn't visit them in person._

_I activate a third robot. _"Our daughter seems keen to follow in my footsteps, though maybe not in quite the same way in which you seem determined to do so. We're family, after all. Maybe becoming a facet of me is part of what relates us all?"

_Roxy tears this robot in half. _"I HATE U! i cant believe i ever had a crush on u! i feel bad 4 jake taking a bullet 4 us all by having 2 date u! he doesnt deserve u! rose doesnt either! NOBODY does!"

_I know. I'm worthless. I'm an eccrine gland in the armpit of life. I'm a meaningless droplet in the vast water of existence. How easy it would be for me to scatter myself out, release the cohesion, and disappear._

_I've done some awful things. But that seems to be my fate. I'm the bad guy, the relevant one. The me who raised Dave was a horrible person, but he was relevant nonetheless. Brain Ghost Dirk, Candy!Dirk, the poor souls who wanted to rebel against or opt out of my destiny, they're doomed. If I were good, we'd all be royally forked. So I suppose being the villain is my fate._

_I may as well have fun with it._

_And honestly? Torturing Roxy is a riot. I love hearing her angry little vocal squeaks when she breaks character. She's probably the easiest of them all to mock, despite being my oldest friend, since she's the one whom I understand the least but know the best._

_They say that nobody knows how to hurt you more than do those who are closest to you._

_I'll leave her to her senseless fury. I need to speak with the other Strilonde boy._

* * *

**[sans voice] woah, you look REALLY pissed off... heheheh...**

**Anyway, sorry about the delayed chapter. It ran longer than I expected it to. Hopefully it was worth the wait.**

**Next chapter coming Friday!**


	16. Jane: Flip the fork out

Roxy whips around to face the speaker. With an effort, (Vriska) lifts her head and blinks away the cobalt coating her eyes.

Jane stands at the far end of the hall, oversized war spork in hand. She's wearing a tailored pantsuit that flatters her buxom figure. She looks supremely ticked off.

Despite everything, (Vriska) can't help but stare at her chest for a good ten seconds before thinking better of it.

Jane strides down the hall and addresses Roxy. "What are you doing with this… this troll?" She spits out the final word as though it was a vulgarity.

"she needs healnig so im takin her 2 geddit" replies Roxy, her voice neutral.

"Why, perchance, is she so badly wounded? And why would she come here of all places for assistance?"

"she got hurt here by me. she wnsted 2 kkll u bt shes not gonna"

"Oh? So this troll is here on a suicide mission? Who does she think she is?"

(Vriska) is fed up with Jane and Roxy talking over her. "My n8me is (Vriska Serket)," she manages. "Don't tell me you don't know who I 8m."

Jane stops ten feet away from the pair and smiles at (Vriska). Her gaze has a peculiar, unsettling gleam in it, making her kindly countenance all the more off-putting. "Ah, hello, (Vriska). It's been quite some time, hasn't it? My goodness, you look positively in a shambles. It's such a shame how far you must have fallen to end up like this. It makes me wonder, why on earth would you dream of trying to assassinate me?"

(Vriska) doesn't reply. She rests her weary head on Roxy's shoulder.

Jane's facade of compassion vanishes. "Answer me!" she snaps through clenched teeth.

(Vriska) smirks. She's resigned to her fate at this point, so she may as well be as defiant to the end. "Nice rack, 8atterwitch," she spits. Then she spits a gob of blood on the floor at Jane's feet.

Jane's knuckles turn white. "Why you obscene little…! Why are you still alive!" Her glare affixes itself to Roxy. "And why did you leave this insect alive?"

"cuz shes an old frned n she need s help" Roxy protectively pulls (Vriska) closer to her.

Jane's ill-disguised rage burns like ice. "She's the enemy! You should have killed her when you had the chance!"

"pls dont hurt her" Roxy pleads.

Jane grins wickedly. "I won't hurt her. At least, not right now." She knocks (Vriska) away from Roxy with the flat of her spoon, then levels it at Roxy. (Vriska) falls to the floor like a sack of wet cement.

"You, however, are a TRAITOR!" Jane strikes Roxy across the face with her spoon. She staggers backwards.

"jane stoppit"

"You let your mind be POISONED!" Jane whacks her in the shins. Roxy backpedals, stumbling over (Vriska's) supine form, and reaches for her katana.

"pls jane i dont wanna fite u either"

"YOU need to DIE!"

Jane kicks (Vriska) aside and thrusts with her fork. Roxy parries the blow. The two women freeze.

Roxy stares her down. "ur my best friend janey. im not gonna fight u"

Jane's face is fixed in a snarl, but it quavers for a moment. She almost lowers her fork, but leaves it in place.

Roxy takes another step backwards. She drops her katana. It clatters to the floor. She stretches her arms out to her friend. Her face is wrought with concern, along with a healthy dose of fear.

"pls dont hurt either of us, jane"

Jane hesitates. Then she lunges forward and runs Roxy through with her fork.

Roxy's hands shake as she looks down at the prongs in her ribcage. Her expression shifts from shock to horror to betrayal. Her voice is a distant, empty gurgle.

"jane... i thought… you still cared… about..."

Then her face goes blank.

An unseen clock tolls a heroic death.

Jane tears the fork out of Roxy's chest. Her body lands on top of (Vriska).

Jane's brows are set in a hard line, but her eyes are full of fear and her jaw trembles. She stands motionless, paralysed by what she did.

The only noise in the hall is the ticking of the clock.

(Vriska) summons up the strength to yell, "YOU JUST M8RDERED YO8R 8EST FRI8ND!" Then she doubles over in an agonising hacking fit.

Jane snarls. "YOU TWISTED HER MIND YOU MAGGOT!"

A surge of adrenaline fills (Vriska's) battered, bloodied body. She grabs her dice and tosses them. One last lucky roll should be all it takes.

The dice all land on 1s.

(Vriska) internally screams in fury. Just when she needed it most! A critical failure! Fork her! Fork these dice! Fork her horrible luck! Fork Jane! Fork this war! Fork the black hole! Fork this planet! Fork EVERYTHING!

She might as well die now. After all, that's what's about to happen. She closes her eyes and waits.

(Vriska) wonders where Terezi is right now. Is she still stuck aboard the rocketship with the peanut gallery? Is she battling Dirk? Is she okay? Does she need help? Will she ever know what happened to her?

(Vriska) silently mourns…

No. No, she doesn't mourn. Mourning is stupid. Losing is stupid.

Fork mourning. Fork losing. Fork this war. Fork Jane. Fork everything. Fork the dice.

"Scr8w you, l8ck," (Vriska) hisses. "I'll t8ke my 8wn."

She drags her legs out from beneath Roxy's corpse.

She's going to win.

(Vriska) crawls forward, pulling herself inch by excruciating inch.

She's going to avenge her descendant.

She closes her fingers around Roxy's katana.

She's going to end this war.

She pulls her cutlass towards her.

She's going to find Terezi.

She pulls her feet beneath her, clenching her teeth to avoid screaming.

She's going to live and fight and win for Terezi.

It's for her.

She's not done living quite yet.

The clock ticks.

(Vriska) suddenly remembers that she can fly. So she levitates off of the blood-slicked floor, a sword in each hand. She hovers limply a foot off the ground. She raises her head and locks eyes with Jane. Her eyes blaze with cold menace.

She's going to make her pay.

Jane's eye twitches. "Ill kill you. Ill resurrect you and Ill kill you again. You did this. You let Roxy die. Youll pay for this. Youre a no-good two-faced MURDEROUS MOTHERFORKER!" Letting loose a savage yell, she charges.

Adrenaline replaces every drop of blood still in (Vriska's) body. She grins wickedly and readies her weapons.

Jane stabs her in the gut.

Nothing fancy, just the leftmost prong running into the side of (Vriska's) abdomen. She wasn't quick enough. How could she have been? She rolled a natural 8.

She feels like she's been punched. On top of all her other injuries, the pain is adding up to something fierce.

But she's still got breath and blood left in her, enough for her to clutch the shaft of the trident and pull herself within katana's reach of Jane. She bites back a yell as the prong digs deeper into her intestines. The pain is so great, it's almost like it's no longer there.

(Vriska) slices off Jane's arm. She hollers and claps her hand over her stump of a shoulder, dropping her weapon. The spork drags itself out of (Vriska's) gut, pulled down by its own weight. She lets out a blood-curdling scream.

Then (Vriska) stabs Jane through the eye. Glass sprays across her face. Jane cowers, now clutching at her head, and wails. Healing cyan light dances between her fingers.

Before Jane can mend herself, (Vriska) grabs the spork and drives the spoon end up through her diaphragm and behind her ribcage. Jane lets out a strangled cry, then folds over like a puppet. (Vriska) drives the fork end into the floor and lets gravity finish the job.

An unseen clock tolls a just death.

(Vriska) loses control of her flight and falls to the floor. She just barely has the strength and presence of mind to send two text messages to two different people.

Then her eyes roll back in her head, and she succumbs to her wounds.

The clock continues to tick.

* * *

Kanaya: Rose I Need Your Urgent Attention

Rose: What's the matter?

Kanaya: It Concerns Our Daughter

Kanaya: And Her Ancestor

Rose: What did they break this time?

Kanaya: Vriska Is Lying Unconscious In The Infirmary As We Speak

Rose: WHAT?

Kanaya: She Has Sustained Serious Shrapnel-Related Injuries

Rose: Oh my God.

Rose: I'll be there in two minutes.

Kanaya: I Need You To Do Something Else For Me

Rose: What could possibly be more urgent than aiding our daughter?!

Kanaya: Vriska Is In A Stable Condition

Kanaya: Its (Vriska) About Whom I Am Worried

Rose: What happened to her?

Kanaya: She Worked Herself Up Into A Frenzy Over The Injury Of Her Descendant

Kanaya: She Flew Off To The Enemy Fleet To Exact Revenge

Kanaya: Her Intent Was To Kill Jane Personally

Rose: Oh no.

Kanaya: I Received A Text Message From (Vriska) Five Minutes Ago

Kanaya: It Read

Kanaya: "its done"

Kanaya: I Attempted To Message Her Back But There Was No Reply

Rose: So you want me to rescue her, if at all possible.

Kanaya: Yes Please

Rose: I'm on it.

Kanaya: Be Safe

Rose: I will.

Rose: Keep our girl alive, will you?

Kanaya: Of Course

Kanaya: Good Luck

Rose: See you soon.


	17. Kanaya: Fail

"Rose"

_Kanaya's already losing her composure. It's evident in the way her eyes latch onto her former wife, in the slant of her brows, in the way her hands fidget with the straps of her jetpack._

_She knows she's going to fail. She knows she has already failed._

_Rosebot flies over and lands on the ground about as gracefully as a soul-housing android can. Her unblinking eyes are glossy and metallic and devoid of life. They bore into Kanaya's with robotic impassivity. Kanaya gazes back for as long as she can bear it (which isn't for very long), then blinks hard and stares at the reddish ground._

"Im Sorry" _she finally manages, her voice quavering._

_Rosebot, by contrast, doesn't betray a hint of emotion._ "For abandoning me for a month while I was near the point of death? You're going to have to do better than that."

_Kanaya reels as if she was punched in the gut._ "But You Know That Wasnt All Me!"

"That is true, but it wasn't all Dirk, either."

_Kanaya takes a long, shuddering breath._

"Dirk took care of me when no one else did," _Rosebot continues._ "He empathised with my pain. He assuaged my fears. He even constructed this new form for me. He knows how hard it is to ascend. It's hard and nobody understands. At least, nobody but him."

"You Know I Could Never Do What Dirk Is Capable Of Doing For You… But Hes Manipulated Us! How Could You Still Trust Him If You Know What Hes Done?"

_Rosebot stands unmoving. Her voice is cold and tinny. _"In response to your first statement, you could at least have put in an effort to assist me. But you didn't.

"In response to the latter ones, Dirk has done nothing harmful to me. And if I were to mistrust all those who have performed questionable actions, there would be no one for me to trust. Least of all you, Kanaya. You sawed a thirteen-year-old boy in half. You set out to hunt down and murder another one. You enabled my alcoholism. You've slit your own wrists many a time. I daresay all that you've done is worse than is mental manipulation and illicit use of tranquiliser guns."

_Holy schist._

_I couldn't have put it better myself. I suppose it's true that nobody knows how to hurt you more than those who are closest to you._

"But… But Cant You Forgive Me?"

_Rosebot doesn't react._

"Rose Dont You Have An Ounce Of Compassion Left In You?"

_Rosebot stares long and hard at Kanaya. Even after all this time, all the long hours of working into her psyche, all the reliving of bad memories, over and over and over, the android retains an ounce of compassion. I didn't quite finish the job. A rough patch remains, primed for exploitation._

_It appears as though I'll need to jerry-rig a quick fix before anything problematic can arise._

_She's already 98% there. I just need to give her one final push over the edge._

"_I do not. At least, not for you."_

_These words prove to be the straw that breaks the camel's back. Kanaya sinks into anguished sobs. The machine that was once her wife takes off, never to confront her again._

_She has failed._

* * *

_And now for something completely different._

_Dave and Karkat see me fly from the top of my rocket to face them. They draw their respective weapons, even though my katana is sheathed. I have come to parley with them, not to duke it out._

_I bid them hello._ "Good afternoon, bro. I apologise for my tardiness; I was a bit preoccupied with something."

_Dave furrows his brow. _"your cape sucks"

"Thank you. So do both of yours."

_Karkat, who has been riding piggyback on Dave, adjusts his grip self-consciously._ "DIRK, YOU LOUSY AXEWIPE DAUGHTERFORKER…"

_Dave winces._

_Okay, what the fork even gave Karkat that idea? First of all, I'm gay. Second of all, Rose was gay and married. Third of all, Rosebot is a robot. Fourth of all, I'm literally her father._

"THERE WILL BE HAIL TO PAY FOR YOUR FORKING MENTAL MANIPULATION SCHIST. IF YOU'RE GONNA ACT LIKE A Z-GRADE SISSY HUMAN ANIME VILLAIN, YOU'RE GONNA BE BEATEN THE SCHIST OUT OF LIKE ONE, YOU FORKING WEEB. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE HAIL THAT MEANS, BUT IT SURE AS FORK DOESN'T SOUND LIKE A NICETY."

_I chuckle. Karkat's empty threats don't so much as annoy me._ "You've bagged yourself a spirited fellow, Dave. I'm happy for you."

"you pressured us into kissing and you know it"

"But you know you wanted to, all the same. I was just expediting the process. Think of me as your wingman, Dave. Isn't that what bros are for?"

_Dave's grip on his sword tightens. _"not if its nonconsensual"

"Oh, I'm sure Rosebot would have a forking field day with that comment."

"rosebot?" _Dave's expression becomes one of dawning horror. Out of the corner of his eye, he spots Rosebot, now just a dot of silver and black in the distance. The android is off to check on the cyberbunnies and their ectobiological process._

"what did you do to my sister"

_He's upset. I can't have this. I don't want him to be mad at me._

"Please, Dave, don't be mad at me."

"its a little late for that now isnt it?" _Dave grits his teeth and slowly encroaches on me._

_My hand instinctively goes to my sword. But the last thing I want to do right now is fight my bro. I need to talk him down._

"Dave, bro, the last thing I want to do is fight you. You're so much like me. You understand me, better than anyone else ever has. I can't bring myself to hurt you. I don't want to hurt you. I would kill anyone else in this world but not you, Dave. Not you.

"And I know you don't want to fight me, either. You already have my blood on your hands. You don't want that to happen again. You don't want me to be hurt, because you care about me, no matter how schisty I've been.

"I'm your counterpart, Dave. Your best friend. Your bro. And yet you let me become a monster. How could you do this to me? And how could you bring yourself to do it to me again?"

_It's working. Dave gives a sigh of defeat and slouches over. _"youre right

"i dont want to fight you dirk

"i just want you to give it up

"give up the mad jaunts through narrative and spacetime

"give up your role as villain

"dont hurt us or anyone else"

_I have to be the villain. It's what needs to transpire. It's my destiny. But does that mean Dave and I can't be bros any longer? It doesn't. Didn't Professor X and Magneto still try and remain friends despite their opposing viewpoints? Can't Rangers and Astros fans get along?_

"I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that."

_Karkat vaults over Dave's shoulders._ "WELL, IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO ATTACK HIM, I WILL!"

_Dave grabs him by the collar to make sure he doesn't fall. He would have missed the jump, anyhow. I'm like twenty feet away from them, and Karkat can't even beat Jane in an arm-wrestling match._

"then i guess where doing this man"

_Dave deposits Karkat on his back, readies his katana, and solemnly charges at me._

_I dodge his first swing. I know exactly what he's going to do because I can see his thoughts. For example, right now, he's thinking, _"okay remember to lock your elbows"

_I don't even need to pull out my katana. I'm practically flying circles around Dave, as encumbered as he is. Hail, I could go on the offensive without a weapon, I'm sure._

_Quick as a flash, I dart in and grab at Dave's hair. Unfortunately, his god hood is pulled over his head. It's tight enough that I can't get a good grip on it. It gives Dave just enough time to swing back around and give me a cut on the arm as I pull away._

_I guess there's one plus side to Dave's stupid knight costume; for him, at the very least._

_Dave swallows and looks at the blood on his sword. He recalls the day, about seven and a half years ago, on which he had to behead me for the greater good. He wonders if he can bring himself to replicate the feat._

_I take advantage of his lapse in concentration to swing my fist at his head. Dave ducks in time, and the blow misses him by a couple of inches._

_The thing is, I wasn't aiming for Dave._

_A stunned Karkat loses his grip and falls._

_He plummets to the earth, a throaty shriek issuing from his overworked voicebox._

_Kanaya turns her head at the cry and dries her eyes. When she sees her dearest male companion dropping like a stone, she leaps into action. She sprints across the rocky terrain as quickly as her supernaturally-enhanced legs can carry her and fumbles for the on switch to her wingpack._

_She trips over a loose stone and slams into the ground. She hauls herself to her feet, brushing grit from her skinned palms, and hurries forward. But she slows to a stop and sinks to her knees and bows her head. She knows she can't reach Karkat in time. She knows she has already failed._

_You've failed so many times. You've failed the troll race. You've failed your friends. You've failed your wife. That's all that you are, Kanaya: a failure. Testaments to yourself, thirty-three of them, live on, etched into your skin._

_I wish I had your raw determination. I wish I had more excuses to hate myself, the way you do. I wish I could be whole, the way you somehow still are. So I'll break you. I'll drive a sword through your heart._

_It sure as hail hasn't been easy._

_Dave is frozen with shock, staring at his falling inamorato. Every nerve in his body is firing a panic signal, every adrenaline gland working overtime. But it leaves him stuck in place, unable to do anything but watch his boyfriend fall._

_I feel bad for the poor guy. He has to watch while the love of his life smashes into the solid red surface of the planet and dies on impact. It'll… he'll… oh._

_I can't let Karkat die, can I. Not if I want Dave to come out of this ordeal unbroken._

_Change of plans._

_Dave snaps out of his trance and streaks towards the ground, going as fast as, no, faster than he can possibly fly. He thinks adrenaline's giving him a supernatural burst of speed, but no, it's me, warping physics slightly to allow this event to transpire. (I mean, if Calliope is allowed to do so, why can't I?)_

_Karkat's hardly ten feet above the ground when Dave swoops and catches him like a crow snatching a breadcrumb from midair._

_Karkat stares at him with wide eyes._

"THANKS"

_Dave kisses him and ruffles his hair affectionately. A small smile comes to his thin lips._ "dont mention it"

_Repeat after me: Awwwwww._

* * *

The rabbits continue to advance on Roxy's position.

_Okay, what the hail? I'm narrating here. Where the fork is this metatextual interference coming from?_

_Anyhow, yes, I suppose we can talk about that briefly. The rabbits are advancing on Roxy. She SDFKJSD1FNFDSJF1RQF3FKS4_

_Fork this. I'm going to fix this interference properly. Give me roughly a week, your time. Then we'll resume the epic showdown._


	18. Sollux: See double

The first thing (Vriska) sees when she opens her eyes is white. A white ceiling, accompanied by white noise. The gentle hum of machinery. Muffled, distant footsteps.

She's tired, so tired, but she can't bring herself to fall back asleep.

Is she dead? Probably not. She wouldn't be this tired or pained if she was, right?

Her head is throbbing. Both her feet are numb. Her chest feels like it has been repeatedly smashed in with a sledgehammer. And her nose feels off.

(Vriska) slowly lifts her head. Her vision is blurred because her glasses are missing, but she can see that she's in the infirmary, and she's really badly hurt. She's wearing a hospital gown, but she can feel bandages wrapped around her thorax and abdomen. There's a splint strapped to each of her legs. Her right arm is in a sling, and her left one is hooked up to an IV drip supplying her with what appears to be blood plasma.

(Vriska) lets her head drop back down onto the pillow. She swears under her breath.

"Hey, you're Finally Awake." says a person to her right.

(Vriska) turns. It's Vriska, wearing an eyepatch and sitting cross-legged on her own bed. Her left shirt-sleeve hangs loose and empty. Despite her injuries, she's smiling.

"You were trying to Kill the 8atterwitch, Right?"

(Vriska) nods slowly.

"Did you do it?"

"Yes."

Vriska grins enthusiastically. "That. Is So. Forking. 8adaxe! ….D"

(Vriska) exhales and tentatively returns the smile. "8elieve me, it was less impressive from my perspective."

"How did you do it? WHY did you do it? Tell me Everything!"

Strengthened by the abundance of attention on her, (Vriska) shares what happened. It's all a hazy, blue-stained blur in her head, but she does her best to recount the story as accurately as possible, if neglecting the occasional unflattering detail. Vriska hangs on every word. When (Vriska's) done, she says, "Wow. That was Legendary! 8ut Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why'd you Do This?"

(Vriska's) face darkens. "8ecause Jane hurt you. And she needed to pay."

Vriska blinks. "You….. You did that All For Me?"

(Vriska) nods.

Before she knows it, Vriska has pulled her into a hug. It's painfully tight, but only because a few of (Vriska's) ribs are broken. She winces and tries to pull away. Vriska notices and eases up on the pressure.

Despite the discomfort, (Vriska) can't help but chuckle. She carefully puts her left arm around Vriska's shoulders, trying not to mess with the IV.

"Vriska Please Dont Damage The Patient Further"

Vriska releases her double as Kanaya strides over. "Its Good To See That Youre Finally Awake" she remarks to (Vriska).

"Eh, I wish I was still asleep."

"Youre Very Lucky To Be Alive" Kanaya's face is etched with concern. "You Suffered Injuries That Would Have Killed Just About Anyone Save A Seadweller"

Now (Vriska's) intrigued. "Such as?"

Kanaya counts off on her fingers. "Blunt Force Head Trauma… Flail Chest… Fractured Humerus… Trimalleolar Fracture… Fractured Left Fibula… Subconjunctival Hemorrhage… Laryngeal Damage… Not To Mention The Stab Wound"

"English, please?"

"You Broke Half Your Bones And Suffered A Lot Of Internal Bleeding"

"Internal 8leeding? 8ut isn't that where the 8lood's supposed to 8e?"

Kanaya sighs, but a corner of her mouth quirks up.

"How long have I 8een here for?" (Vriska) asks.

"Roughly Three Days"

(Vriska) barely registers the fact that she's been unconscious for over 70 hours. "Has Terezi called? Or left any messages?"

Kanaya shakes her head. "Not That I Know Of"

"Son of a 8irch."

"When The Hail Did You Have Time To Text Her Last"

"Literally right 8efore I passed out."

Kanaya furrows her brow. "So You Texted Her While You Were Dying Even Though Shes In A Separate Universe And There Is Literally Nothing She Can Do To Help You"

(Vriska) tries to shrug, but it hurts to move her arms. "Well, yeah. I did text you too, didn't I?"

"Did You Text Me Before Or After You Texted Her"

"After."

Vriska snorts. Kanaya exhales and places her head in her hands.

"Okaaaaaaaay, okaaaaaaaay, I get it, I need to get my priorities str8."

Kanaya gives her an exasperated look. "Your Life Was Literally Hanging By A Thread By The Time Rose Brought You Back Here"

"What about me?" asks Rose as she strides down the corridor.

"Apparently, you saved my life or some schist?" (Vriska) responds.

Rose lets out a sigh of relief. "Oh thank God, you're awake." Then she chuckles. "Oh God, you're awake."

(Vriska) rolls her eyes. "Ha ha, veeeeeeeery funny. Thanks for saving me, 8y the way. Not that you evidently wanted to or anything, 8ut-"

Rose waves her hands in front of her. "No, no, I am genuinely glad that you're alive. It's a miracle that you survived whatever happened to you, in all honesty. But thank God you did. Imagine if you hadn't made it. Imagine how Terezi would have felt."

(Vriska) presses her lips together, making a thin line. The idea makes her gut churn. "Yeah, well….. I don't know. I don't wanna think a8out it."

"That's understandable."

Kanaya appears to be examining Vriska's injured eye socket. (Vriska) can't quite tell, though, since she doesn't have her glasses. "Oh, 8y the way, where the hail are my glasses?"

"They were shattered on the ground. We'll have to get you a new pair. I assume you require the same prescription as does Vriska, so you can use one of her extras."

(Vriska) gingerly shifts to a more upright position. "Can you get me one? Like right now?"

"We'll see." Rose turns on her heel and walks out.

Kanaya puts the eyepatch back over Vriska's eye and walks over to check on (Vriska). "Your Eyes Are No Longer Bloodshot Which Is A Good Sign" She adjusts the IV cord and examines her limbs. "And Your Bones Are Mending Abnormally Quickly Which Is Probably Due To Your God-Tier Physiology Though Im Not Entirely Sure"

She lifts (Vriska's) right foot and gently runs her fingers over her ankle. (Vriska) winces. "Your Talus Does Not Appear To Be Realigning Properly Which Is Slightly Concerning"

Kanaya then returns to (Vriska's) side. "Im Going To Need To Remove The Bandages Around Your Abdomen"

(Vriska) looks down at her dressing-gown. "How are you going to-" She grimaces in dawning understanding. "Oh, uh, no thanks."

Vriska stifles a giggle.

Kanaya presses her fingers to her forehead. "Please Dont Make This More Awkward Than It Already Is"

"Are, are you even a licensed doct8r?"

"Well, Technically she's not," Vriska butts in. Kanaya shushes her.

"Recall That I Have Technically Raised You Or At Least A Version Of You Since Hatching So-"

(Vriska) stares at a fascinating spot on the ceiling, her cheeks warm with embarrassment. "You're not m8king this any LESS awkward!"

Just then, Rose walks back in, Sollux tagging at her heels. "Look who decided to show up," she says. (Vriska) breathes a sigh of relief.

Sollux gives a sharp nod, then he does a double take. "what the hail? there's tw0 0f y0u."

Vriska sits upright. "I'm the Real Vriska."

"Yeah, well, I'm the OG Vriska," counters (Vriska).

"im slightly c0nfused but…" Sollux points at (Vriska). "y0u're (vriska)."

"That is correct. You get a 8illion imaginary 8rownie points."

Vriska groans. "Come Onnnnnnnn, can't we trick Any8ody? What's the fun of 8eing Duplic8s if we can't Convince Others that we've Swapped Places?"

"I mean, you're literally missing a lim8, so it's going to 8e a lot easier to tell us apart from now on." (Vriska) turns to Rose. "Did you 8ring me glasses?"

"As a matter of fact, I did find a pair, along with your phone." Rose hands them to (Vriska). She snatches them and settles the glasses on her face. Everything comes into focus. She notices that her hospital gown has little sunflowers patterned on it. She stares at it in disbelief.

"What the hail? I can't wear this!"

Kanaya slowly shakes her head. "It Was Either This Or Butterflies"

"8utterflies? I would've 8een FINE with 8utterflies! Definitely more fine than dum8 old sunflowers! 8ut noooooooo, you HAD to give-"

"(Vriska) We Are Not Going To Argue Over The Pattern On Your Dressing Gown"

"Well, it's a 8it too l8 for that now, don't you think?" (Vriska) coughs and clutches her chest. "Owwwwwww….."

"Dont Strain Yourself"

(Vriska) grimaces and nods. "I figured as much."

She picks up her phone and, thanking God that she's a southpaw, checks her messages. There are three, and they're all from Kanaya.

* * *

(Vriska): its done

Kanaya: What Do You Mean

Kanaya: (Vriska) Are You All Right

Kanaya: (Vriska) Please Let Me Know If Youre All Right

* * *

With a growing sense of dread, (Vriska) wonders why Terezi hasn't responded to her messages.

"0h, i f0rg0t t0 say," Sollux begins. "meenah says thanks f0r krilling, i mean killing jane f0r her."

(Vriska) nods. "My pleasure. I take it you met up with Karkat?"

Sollux shrugs. "yeah. thanks f0r giving g00d advice f0r 0nce in y0ur life."

"Oh, that is NOT-"

"(Vriska) Shut Up Youre Giving Me A Headache And Youre Going To Give Yourself One Too If Youre Not Careful"

Vriska snickers.

"Speaking of headaches..." Rose presses a hand to her forehead. "Something's wrong."

"what's the matter?" asks Sollux.

"I have a nagging sense that someone just used my brain…" Rose's eyes widen. "Dirk. That sick forker. (Vriska), what the hail is going on in Terezi's universe?"

(Vriska) shrugs. "I don't know. She hasn't texted me 8ack in three days, which is three weeks on her end."

"That's deeply concerning."

"I know." Her words bely the worry eating away at her thinkpan.

"I feel like Dirk may have something to do with Terezi's unresponsiveness," Rose continues. "He's… he was doing something to my head. Well, not mine. A different me. All the same, it does not imply that events are proceeding smoothly outside of our planet."

"I wish there was something we could do to help," (Vriska) admits.

"what if we c0uld, th0ugh?" Sollux counters. "maybe 0ur influence isn't just limited t0 this w0rld. i mean, we can send messages and schist there, right?"

(Vriska's) head snaps up. A metaphorical lightbulb switches on in her mind. "That's….. that's 8rilliant. I have a plan."

Rose gives her a look.

"No, I'm serious, this is a good plan this time. Trust me."

"No offense, but why should we trust you with another vaguely-delineated plan?"

(Vriska) looks Rose directly in the eyes. "8ecause I'm not doing this for me. Not this time."

Rose's stoic expression melts. She smiles in sympathy. "Then I'll trust you."

"Awwwwwwww!" Vriska exclaims. She makes half of a heart with her remaining hand.

(Vriska) ignores her facetious descendant. "Good. 8ut we're gonna need all hands on deck. One hand in particular."

* * *

(Vriska): Joke?

(Vriska): I mean, Jake?

Jake: John?

Jake: John ol buddy im standing right next to you!

(Vriska): This isn't John, dum8axe.

Jake: It isnt?

Jake: Then who might you be?

(Vriska): It's (Vriska Serket).

Jake: Oh it is? Its jolly good to hear from you (vriska)!

Jake: Howd you find your way back here may i ask?

(Vriska): It's a long story. 8ut I texted you 8ecause I need your help.

Jake: Well ill be! What can i do you for?

Jake: I mean what can i do for you?

(Vriska): Get your toned axe over here ASAP. 8ring John, too, if he's willing to come along and wreck schist up.

Jake: What sort of schist will we be wrecking?

(Vriska): F8.

Jake: Fb?

(Vriska): No, it's- oh, just get over here already!


	19. Roxy: Put the bunny back in the box

_Okay, it took a bit longer than I anticipated, but the narrative has been properly deforked. Let's continue, shall we?_

_Kanaya gets to her feet. She affixes me with a merciless glower. Her fangs shine yellow in the light of her slit-pupiled eyes. She hisses, then launches herself at me, her wingpack spurting flames._

_I know her intent, and her intent is to eviscerate me._

_I can't help but admit that I'm a bit afraid._

_Wait, what's that-_

A familiar voice rings out in the distance. Kanaya looks over, and her fury drains away.

_Well schist._

"WH4TS UP N3RDS"

It's Terezi. And she's gone god-tier.

_Oh, for fork's sake. Terezi can't possibly be alive! Her Quest Bed is long gone, and Prospit's moon in the trolls' session was razed by Bec Noir, so her-_

_1T SUR3 4S H41L W4S, BUT D1D YOU 3V3R S33 MY S4CR1F1C14L SL4B G3T WR3CK3D_

_...No? How could I have?_

_W3LL N31TH3R D1D 1, NOR D1D 4NYON3 3LS3_

_LOOPHOL3S 4R3 4 WOND3RFUL TH1NG_

_H4H4H4_

_Oh, you've GOT to be kidding me._

_ONLY P4RTLY. TH3 CR33PY D34D C4LL1OP3 TOLD M3 SH3 F1X3D 1T FOR M3 BUT 1T D1D FLO4T OUT H3R3_

_Screw her._

_1 WOULD 4DV1S3 4G41NST TH4T. DO YOU KNOW 4NYTH1NG 4BOUT CH3RUB 4N4TOMY?_

Terezi soars towards Dirk, wielding both ends of her cane sword. She's clad in a bright green Seer robe with a tattered bottom hem and a Mind symbol in the centre. Her forest-green hood is pulled down over her eyes. She's still wearing the stolen ruby slippers, but her glasses are nowhere to be seen. Translucent dragon-like wings protrude from her back. A ferocious grin is plastered across her angular face. She looks supremely ticked off.

She stops in front of Dirk. He draws his katana. Without a word spoken, the battle is joined.

They fight on two levels, only one of which Kanaya can see. Terezi and Dirk dart around each other in the sky, blades flashing, reflecting light in constantly-changing patterns. They're out to hurt each other, sure, and yet it doesn't seem like they're really trying.

Kanaya can just barely pick up slight changes in the atmosphere around her, too. She doesn't know what they mean. _But we do._

_Terezi and I are linked in a metatextual combat even more important than is our physical brawl. We struggle with the proverbial pen on the proverbial sheet of paper, fighting to make it draw what we want._

_4ND R1GHT NOW, D1RK 1S LOS1NG. H1S CONC3NTR4T1ON SL1PS 4S H3 N4RR4T3S TO TH3 R34D3RS, LOS1NG H1MS3LF 1N H1S GR4ND1OS3 M3T4PHORS_

_I tone back my use of purple prose. As I narrate, my concentration shifts from how I say things to what I say._

Dirk emboldens his physical attack. Terezi receives a graze across her forearm.

_NO 1 DONT_

_Yes, you do._

_NOOOOOOOO 1 DONT :]_

_Yes. Yes, you do!_

_NO 1 DONT_

_H3H H3H H3H_

_Errrgh. I see now why John found you so irksome._

_1S TH4T 4 COM3-ON? 1 D1DNT TH1NK 1 W4S YOUR TYP3. PLUS, 1 THOUGHT YOU W3R3 1N WUV W1TH J4K3_

_Shut up!_

_NO U_

_I swear under my breath so as not to let my cuss words be mangled by the strict censor imposed upon this segment of fanon._

_Yes, I'm onto you, you false creator, you thief of ideas, you butcher of characters and plots, you who feign to heal our minds. Once Calliope has been exterminated, you're next._

_I see you, pulling your little Xanatos gambit. You know you can't lose. You know your characters always do as we're commanded. You write in our betrayals of the status quo._

_You're sick. You're sick, and I will make you realise that._

…

_WTF 4R3 YOU ON_

Dirk receives a gash across his face.

_Ow!_

The pain from the wound fuels his anger, and he lashes out with frenzied force. Terezi parries the blow, but the power behind it sends her reeling backwards.

_Dirk seizes the opportunity and-_

_C4N YOU PL34S3 L3T TH1S B3 4 F41R F1GHT? 1V3 B33N 4CH1NG TO BR4WL W1TH YOU FOR L1K3 4 QU4RT3R OF 4 SW33P 4ND 1D L1K3 TO K33P OUR N4RR4TOR14L 1NT3RF3R3NC3S TO 4 M1N1MUM_

_Your continued presence in this narrative is an example of narratorial interference._

_W3LL YOUR F4C3 1S 4N 3X4MPL3 OF N4RR4TOR14L 1NT3RF3R3NC3 CUZ 1 DOUBT 4NY MUG TH4T UGLY WOULD B3 TH3 R3SULT OF 4NYTH1NG L3SS TH4N D1V1N3 1NT3RV3NT1ON_

_1D S4Y 1TS 4 F4C3 NOT 3V3N 4 MOTH3R COULD LOV3 3XC3PT TH4T YOU D1DNT H4V3 ON3_

_H3H3H3H3, MY GOD, YOUR3 JUST SO 34SY TO DUNK ON_

_Do you ever run out of new ways in which to troll others?_

_OH 1 C4N DO TH1S 4LL D4Y :D_

_Not with an injury like that, you can't._

_Terezi lets loose a deranged cackle as her pain grows too great for her to bear in silence._

_HEE HEE HEE HEE HAHAHAHAHA! AHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAA!_

_Her sudden outburst causes dismay in her friends, who are standing around doing nothing of importance, seeing as this is a climactic battle. They begin to question her sanity._

Kanaya worries if Terezi is well. Is she in the right frame of mind to battle Ultimate!Dirk?

_TH3N L3T 1T SL1P! 1N 4 K1DD13 F3UD L1K3 TH1S, 1MM4TUR1TY 1S TH3 K3Y TO V1CTORY! 4H4H4H4H4H4!_

_I'd say that guarantees you a win, but I don't want to boost your confidence._

_OH HO! SO YOUD CONS1D3R YOURS3LF MOR3 1MM4TUR3 TH4N M3?_

_I'm… not going to dignify that statement with a response._

* * *

_4ND NOW FOR SOM3TH1NG COMPL3T3LY D1FF3R3NT_

Roxy continues to bludgeon the ro-

_You can't do that! I did that! That's MY gag!_

_OH 1S TH1S BOTH3R1NG YOU? H4H4H4_

_No. It's not bothering me. My concentration remains superior. My dominion remains unchallenged._

_YOUR3 JUST S4Y1NG TH4T, 1 DONT N33D TO 4SK 1F YOUR3 JUST S4Y1NG TH4T_

_Are you TRYING to annoy me to death?_

_Y34H, HOP3FULLY :]_

Roxy continues to bludgeon the robotic rabbits to smithereens in his blind fury. Fragments of metal fly everywhere. His hands are covered with lacerations and sharp steel splinters, but he's too mad to care.

With a cathartic scream, he rips the sunglasses-shaped viewscreen from one bunny bot and stabs them into its chest.

_ROXY H4S 4LW4YS B33N 1NT3R3ST3D 1N COMPUT3RS, MOSTLY 1N PROGR4MM1NG, BUT 1N H4RDW4R3 4S W3LL TO 4N 3XT3NT. SO H1S CUR1OS1TY G3TS TH3 B3TT3R OF H1M, 4ND H3 1NSP3CTS TH3 T4NGL3 OF W1R3S 1N TH3 H34D OF TH3 ROBOT._

"the ctrl signals r wired in sseries" he mutters to himself; and suddenly, his next move becomes perfectly clear.

He needs to put!

The bunny!

BACK IN!

_TH3 BOX!_

And Roxy does exactly that, phasing the bunny into the perfectly generic object and pulling out his hand. The entirety of the Lil Seb Honourary Militia stops moving. One by one, they drop out of the sky like cartoon characters do when they remember that gravity exists.

Roxy heaves a sigh of relief.

_Well played, Terezi. Through your machinations, Roxy has discovered the sole weakness in my circuitry, the reason behind Christmastime light displays shorting out. I'd applaud you, but for one, we're presently dueling and I need both hands free, and for another, you cheated._

_1 D1DNT CH34T, 1 JUST US3D MY M1ND POW3RS_

_Potato, potahto. Anyway, encore, encore, congratulations on singlehandedly saving your friends._

_W3 H4V3NT WON Y3T_

_You imply that you're going to win. What, do you really think you can succeed? Do you really think you can save your friends? You've never saved a single person in your life. You couldn't even save yourself, Terezi, let alone your best friend. And then, when you did - or should I say, when John saved her for you - you let her slip through your grasp again. Is that what a moirail does? What a matesprit does?_

_YOU KNOW WH4T, YOU GOBBL3B34ST-LOOK1NG W334BOO 1NC3L? 1 W1SH YOUD K1LL3D YOURS3LF L1K3 TH3 1NV3RS3 V3RS1ON OF YOU D1D!_

_I do believe I've struck a nerve._

_1LL B3 STR1K1NG MOR3 TH4N TH4T, D1PSCH1ST!_

But it's not Terezi who strikes the next blow: it's Roxy, who smashes a pumpkin over Dirk's head. Dirk reels from the mild concussion, then beats a hasty retreat to his ship.

Roxy pumps his fist. "WOOOOO! TOUCHDOWN!"

"H41L Y34H, BRO!" They high-five and hug it out. Terezi comes away with orange stains on her robes and hands.

Dave cups his hands around his mouth and yells, "geeeet pumpkin dunked on!

"serving up some serious orange justice rolal

"you both really did a number on the prince formerly known as bro

"and im glad youre not dead terezi"

"M3 TOO D4V3"

Terezi lands catlike and strides over to Kanaya and the rest of the gang. She's still grinning, and her eyes are still concealed. From here, Kanaya can see that what looks like teal tears stain her cheeks.

"Why Are You Crying" she asks.

"OH, 1M NOT CRY1NG" Terezi responds. "W4NN4 S33?"

Kanaya nods. She's just happy to see her friend again.

Terezi pulls back her hood. A strip of stained green cloth, evidently torn from the bottom of her robe, is wrapped around her eyes. She unties that, too.

_H3Y GUYS, TH1S N3XT P4R4GR4PHS 4 B1T OF 4N 3Y3SOR3, H4H4. 1F YOUR3 P4RT1CUL4RLY SQU34M1SH, YOU M1GHT W4NN4 SK1P TO TH3 ON3 4FT3R_

Terezi's eyes are, for lack of a better word, hollow. Literally. There's a deep, dark, vertical hole cut right through the middle of each of them. A matching gash is in each of her eyelids. Turquoise liquid runs from them and streams down Terezi's face.

Karkat makes a retching noise and claps a hand over his mouth.

"jesus christ!" exclaims Dave.

Kanaya gapes. She glances at Terezi's cane-swords and notices that they're coated with both red and blue blood.

"You Stabbed Out Your Own Eyes" she asks.

"Y3P" Terezi snickers.

"Didnt That Hurt"

"OF COURS3 1T D1D" She ties the cloth back over her eyes and lets out another giggle. "TH3 L4UGH1NG H3LPS THOUGH"

She paces over to Karkat and holds out her hand. He stares at her. "WHAT THE FORK DO YOU WANT?"

"G1MM3 MY PHON3 B4CK"

"ALL RIGHT, NO NEED TO SHOUT." Karkat hands Terezi back her phone. He looks at her for a moment, then pulls her into a tight hug.

"I'M SORRY ABOUT NOT FOLLOWING YOUR INSTRUCTIONS AND GETTING JADE KILLED," he confesses.

"WH4T TH3 FORK 4R3 YOU T4LK1NG 4BOUT? J4D3S NOT D34D"

Karkat steps back. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SHE'S NOT DEAD? OUR SPACESHIP FORKING BLEW TO BITS! YOU COULD FIT THE LARGEST PIECE LEFT OVER UP YOUR AXE!"

Terezi laughs. "SH3 GOT J3TT1SON3D 4W4Y, L1K3 TH4T 1ND14N4 JON3S GUY"

He gapes. "YOU PLANNED FOR THIS?!"

"W3LL Y34H" Terezi shrugs. "T3LL1NG YOU TO NOT PUT H3R 1N TH3 CLOS3T W4S TH3 ONLY W4Y TO G3T H3R PUT 1N TH3 CLOS3T. 1TS SOM3 R3V3RS3 PSYCHOLOGY BULLSCH1ST"

Dave sighs in relief. "oh thank obama lets go find her"

As Dave, Karkat, and Roxy head off, Kanaya approaches Terezi. "Do You Need Me To Tend To Your Injuries"

"Y34H TH4TD B3 N1C3"

Terezi can't keep from sniffing at her phone while Kanaya rinses out her eyes, despite the pain the impromptu eyewash causes her. Thanks to her blindness, she can sort of multitask. As she expected, she has a number of messages from (Vriska). She exhales and lets her grin finally fade. She hopes (Vriska's) doing all right. She hopes her leave of absence didn't worry her too much.

After binding a new strip of cloth over her eyes, Kanaya looks at her. "Is Something The Matter"

"1 HOP3 (VR1SK4S) NOT WORR13D 4BOUT M3"

"Well If She Is Thats Good Because It Means She Cares

"I Do Think She Cares About You Loath As She Is To Admit Such Things Even To Herself"

Terezi nods solemnly. "1 TH1NK SO TOO"

She hugs Kanaya, who hugs her back.

"1TS H4RD TO ST4Y STRONG BUT 1TS NOT OV3R Y3T"

"Believe Me I Know

"Thats What Were Here For"

Terezi tries to smile when Kanaya rumples her hair affectionately, but all she can manage is a grimace.

"DO YOU H4V3 4NY 1D34 HOW MUCH MY 3Y3S HURT R1GHT NOW?"

"I Doubt It

"Why Did You Stab Yourself"

Terezi swallows. "W3LL WH3N 1 WOK3 UP 4ND FOUND TH4T 1 COULD S33, 1 FR34K3D OUT

"1 R3M3MB3R3D 4 M3MORY OF 4R4N34 CUR1NG MY V1S1ON 4ND HOW TH4T 4LL W3NT TO SCH1ST

"4ND W3LL… TH1S H4PP3N3D

"1 SCR34M3D L1K3 4 DY1NG W1GGL3R

"1 D1DNT KNOW 1 COULD M4K3 SOUNDS L1K3 TH4T

"BUT 1TS 4 SM4LL PR1C3 TO P4Y FOR R3T41N1NG MY L4CK OF S1GHT"

Kanaya pulls her closer. Terezi buries her face in her shoulder. She shud-

_You know what? Fork this emotional reunion schist._

_OH L34V3 US 4LON3_

_No, because we're playing hardball now. You're a fan of law, Terezi; you know about filibusters. Time to, if you'll excuse my pun, bust out this old rant. God, I wrote this thing so long ago, and yet it still holds up to my present standards of irony. It's almost like my story was written using this one as a basis. Ironic, isn't it?_

"_Remember Longcat, Jane?"_

_Ah, right, Jane's still stranded on that batschist backwater planet which we used to call home. And you wouldn't appreciate this rant properly, as you grew up on another planet in another universe with (most likely) an entirely different meme culture and possibly no Troll Plato whatsoever. But I digress. Not that digressing is the issue; in fact, it's exactly what I'm trying to accomplish. But I would prefer to keep my rational irrational tangents (which lie solely on the real Cartesian plane) pointed in the same direction. I'll continue._

"_I remember Longcat. Fork the picture on this page, I want to talk about Longcat. Memes were simpler back then, in 2006. They stood for something. And that something was nothing. Memes just _were_. 'Longcat is long'. An undeniably true, self-reflexive statemen-"_

_YOU FORG3T TH4T F1L1BUST3RS 4R3 4 T4CT1C 3MPLOY3D BY POL1T1C14NS, NOT BY L4WY3RS_

_Have you ever read _Native Son_? I think you might disagree. Oh, and you should let Karkat read that book, if only so Dave can torment him about being a communist._

_R34D1NG 1S MOR3 OF K4N4Y4S TH1NG TH4N M1N3 OR K4RK4TS, NOT TH4T YOU C4R3 3NOUGH 4BOUT 31TH3R OF TH3M TO KNOW TH4T_

_I take offence to that. I care deeply about all of my characters._

_YOUR CH4R4CT3RS? YOUR *CH4R4CT3RS*?! D1RK, W3R3 P3OPL3, NOT TOOLS!_

_And yet you manipulate this narrative as shamelessly as do I. We're not so different, you and I._

_YOU KNOW, 1 CH3CK3D B4CK 4 COUPL3 CH4PT3RS TO C4TCH UP ON-_

_That's not even a real concept._

_W3LL 1T 1S NOW. L1K3 1 W4S S4Y1NG, 1 CH3CK3D B4CK 4 COUPL3 CH4PT3RS TO C4TCH UP ON TH1NGS 4ND 1 S4W 4LL THE CONTR4STS YOU DR3W B3TW33N US. SO 1 4SK YOU, 4R3 YOU SUR3 4BOUT TH4T?_

_Look at you, always the legislacerator, twisting my words to support your side of the issue. You're not looking at it like a scientist. You're merely using evidence to prove that your opinion is correct._

_4ND YOUR3 CH4NG1NG TH3 SUBJ3CT Y3T 4G41N. FORK YOU. 1D S4Y YOUD M4K3 4 GR34T 4LB31T CRU3L POL1T1C14N, 4ND Y3T YOU R3J3CT3D YOUR C4LL1NG 4ND FL3W OFF 1NTO SP4C3, L34V1NG B3H1ND TH3 L34ST QU4L1F13D OF US 4LL TO RUN TH3 SHOW B4CK ON 34RTH C_

_You claim that you'd make a better president of Earth C than would Jane?_

_1 M4K3 NO SUCH CL41MS, 4ND YOU N33D TO L4Y OFF ON TH3 4D HOM1N3M 4TT4CKS. 1 SW34R, 1TS L1K3 YOUR3 JUST DO1NG… TH1S FOR…_

_4TT3NT1ON_

_OH NOW 1 G3T 1T_

Terezi pulls away from Kanaya and redirects her attention to her phone. A genuine, painless smile crosses her lips as she opens up the messages.

* * *

(Vriska): just killed jane

(Vriska): roxy died trying to help

(Vriska): call me asap

(Vriska): Helloooooooo?

(Vriska): Terezi, you all right?

(Vriska): Terezi. It has 8een three days from my perspective. Did you just ghost me for 3 weeks str8?

(Vriska): Tez, are you okay?

* * *

_Terezi?_

_Oh, forget it, I'll continue._

"_Water is wet, fire is hot, Longcat is long. Memes were floating signifiers without signifieds, meaningful in their meaninglessness. Nobody made memes, they just arose through spontaneous generation; Athena being birthed, fully formed, from her own skull."_

_Side note: Athena actually sprang fully-grown from Zeus's skull in most widely-accepted versions of classic Greek mythology. I just thought the paradoxical self-generation would make for an enticing, though inaccurate, mental image. The inexactitude of the metaphor does vex me, though it adds little to nothing to the actual discourse on the evolution of memes._

* * *

Terezi: HOLY C4RP NO WOND3R NOBODY W4S 4LLOW3D TO LOOK 4T MY PHON3

Terezi: TH4T WOULD H4V3 C4US3D ROXY TO FL1P TH3 FORK OUT

(Vriska): ...

(Vriska): What?

Terezi: 4LSO 1 H1T GOD T13R

(Vriska): WHAAAAAAAAT?

Terezi: :D

* * *

_Terezi. For fork's sake._

"_You could talk about them around the proverbial water cooler, taking comfort in their absurdity. 'Hey, Johnston, have you seen the picture of that cat? They call it Longcat because it's long!' 'Ha ha, sounds like good fun, Stevenson! That reminds me, I need to show you this webpage I found the other day; it contains numerous animated dancing hamsters. It's called — you'll never believe this — hamsterdance!' And then Johnston and Stevenson went on to have a wonderful friendship based on the comfortable banality of self-evident digitized animals."_

* * *

Terezi: SO Y34H 1V3 B33N GHOST1NG YOU B3C4US3 1V3 L1T3R4LLY B33N 4 GHOST

Terezi: 1N 4 S3NS3

(Vriska): ::::O

(Vriska): How the FORK did you reach god-tier?!

Terezi: 1 TOOK 4 L34F OUT OF YOUR BOOK

Terezi: 4T TH3 D1R3CT1ON OF MY M1ND POW3RS, 1 YOT3 MYS3LF THROUGH 4 F3N3STR4T3D PL4N3

(Vriska): ::::O

(Vriska): I have so many questions, I don't know where to even 8egin.

Terezi: T4K3 YOUR T1M3, TH3 N4RR4T1V3S 4 B1T T13D UP 4T TH3 MOM3NT ;]

(Vriska): …..

(Vriska): The wh8 is WH8?

* * *

_Come on, Terezi, where's the wry, witty commentary? You know you want to add some._

"_But then 2007 came, and along with it came I Can Has, and everything was forever ruined. It was hubris, Jane. We did it to ourselves. The minute we added written language, it all went to schist. Suddenly memes had an excess of information to be parsed. It wasn't just a picture of a cat, perhaps with a simple description appended to it; now the cat spoke to us via a written caption on the picture itself. It referred to an item of food that existed in our world but not in the world of the meme, rupturing the boundary between the two. The cat wanted something. Which forced us to recognize that what it wanted was us, was our attention. WE are the cheezburger, Jane, and we always were."_

* * *

(Vriska): That explan8ion did NOT help in the SLIGHTEST.

Terezi: 1N R3L4T3D N3WS, TH3 OTH3R F4K3 J4D3 4LSO S4YS YOUR WORLDS 4 PR1SON BUT TH4T SH3 C4N GR4NT YOU P4ROL3 34RLY

(Vriska): Wh8.

Terezi: SH3 S4YS SH3S 4 B1T MOR3 FOND OF JOHNR3Z1 BUT WOULD R4TH3R SH1P M3 W1TH H4PP1N3SS 1N G3N3R4L

(Vriska): WH8.

Terezi: Y34H, 1 DONT G3T 1T 31TH3R

Terezi: 1 TOLD H3R OFF, 1 TR13D TO T3LL H3R W3R3 NOT 4 TH1NG

Terezi: 4T L34ST NOT 4NYMOR3

(Vriska): ::::?

Terezi: TURNS OUT SH3S NOT SO D1SS1M1L4R FROM TH3 NORM4L C4LL1OP3

(Vriska): I think I'm having a stroke. Is this what a stroke feels like?

* * *

_TEREZI! TEREZI, PAY ATTENTION! LISTEN TO ME!_

_I grit my teeth. With a simple command, Terezi falls flat on her face. But she… gets up, and proceeds like nothing happened?_

_Terezi, what the FORK do I need to do to get you to LISTEN to me?_

_B3 N1C3_

_TEREZI. I AM BEING NICE BY CHOOSING NOT TO SMITE ALL YOUR COMPANIONS WHERE THEY STAND._

…

_TEREZI, ARE YOU GIVING ME THE FORKING SILENT TREATMENT?_

_:]_

_What do you take me for? A disobedient child?_

_OH LOOK, YOU BR1LL14NT B4ST1ON, YOU F1GUR3D 1T OUT_

_I am no child! I am one hundred percent pure man! I am more man than any man could ever claim to be! I have wisdom, intelligence, experience, skill beyond bounds! I have become like a god!_

_BUT YOUR3 ST1LL YOU. 4ND YOUR3 ST1LL, 4T H34RT, JUST 4 LON3LY K1D FROM TH3 FUTUR3 WHO GR3W UP W1TH NOBODY 4ND WHO CR4V3S 4NY 4TT3NT1ON H3 C4N G3T_

_I don't need attention. I'm not writing this story to get attention. That's the stupidest forking idea I've ever heard. You, however, butting in and forking up the narrative, MY narrative, it's you who's the true narcissist._

_1M NOT H3R3 TO G1V3 TH1S STORY 4 GR4ND 3ND1NG. 1M JUST OUT H3R3 B4K1NG SOM3 M3T4PHOR1C4L BR34D. 1T DO3S WH4T 1T N33DS TO DO. YOU, HOW3V3R, 4R3 WR4PP3D UP 1N YOUR GR4ND1OS3, S3LF-C3NTR3D N4RR4T1V3, WR1T1NG YOURS3LF 1NTO TH3 ROL3 OF 4NT4GON1ST JUST TO G1V3 YOURS3LF 4 TW1ST3D R34SON TO CONT1NU3 YOUR OBS3SS1V3 1NT3R4CT1ONS W1TH OTH3RS_

_Gee, you're reading into my psyche with incredibly skilled BS. Have you been talking to some variant of Rose lately?_

_NO, BUT 1 4M TH3 S33R OF M1ND. 1 GU3SS PSYCH14TRY COM3S N4TUR4LLY TO S33RS. BUT 3NOUGH 4BOUT M3. WH1CH 1S 4 PHR4S3 1D N3V3R H34R OUT OF YOUR MOUTH. WH1CH 1S TH3 CRUX OF TH3 1SSU3_

_At least you recognise that yes, all I really want is for others to listen to me. And that goal shall be completed when I finally murder that forking cherub. She will die. And so will you. All will fall before me, and people will finally understand and sympathise with my isolation._

_TH3 PROBL3M B31NG TH4T YOU H4V3 UTT3RLY F41L3D TO M4K3 YOURS3LF SYMP4TH3T1C_

_I have a morality pet in the form of Dave. You've gone so far as to plan around that fact. Plus, I have plenty of deep-seated emotional issues. You've said so yourself. So I am sympathetic. What else could you ask for? Do villains have to be complete monsters in order to be unsympathetic? Can't people find empathy in even the vilest of creatures? Is there anyone whom a mother could not love?_

_1 4SK ONLY TH4T YOU STOP YOUR S3LF-1NDULG3NT RH3TOR1C4L QU3ST1ONS_

_But I AM sympathetic, aren't I?_

_FOR 4 SO-C4LL3D V1LL41N, YOU SOUND 4WFULLY CONC3RN3D 4BOUT HOW OTH3RS P3RC31V3 YOU_

_THUS FURTH3R1NG MY PO1NT_

_NOW 1F YOULL 3XCUS3 M3 1 H4V3 TO T4K3 TH1S_

Terezi's phone buzzes. The message is from (Vriska). It's short and to the point, a sharp contrast from her usual style.

* * *

(Vriska): We're going to wake her up. 8e there.

* * *

Terezi calls out, "W3 GOTT4 G3T TO D1RKS SH1P R1GHT 4W4Y"

_I send out a command of my own._

Dave, Karkat, and Roxy, who were off looking for Jade's closet, fly over. The peanut gallery dashes to the side of the ship, where there's an access ramp.

Dave kicks in the door. Well, he tries to, at least. All he does is injure his foot. Roxy grabs the handle and slides the door aside. Following Terezi's lead, they dart down the myriad halls.

Terezi has no idea where she's going, so she just keeps running in the hopes that she'll eventually find what she's looking for. The clang of a hatch reverberates far above.

After a good deal of searching, they finally stumble across a small chamber containing a half-dead body. It's guarded by none other than Rosebot.

"rose?" asks Roxy, unable to believe his own eyes.

"I am not Rose," says a metallic voice that sounds just dissimilar enough from Rose's voice to be unsettling. "Now, stand down, lest I use force."

Karkat sidles in front of Kanaya to protect her. She's too shaken to move, let alone draw her weapon.

"W3 DONT W4NT TO F1GHT YOU 31TH3R. 4LL W3 N33D 1S 4 B1T OF T1M3"

Rosebot's eyes glow red. "I repeat, stand down. I will use force."

_Upon seeing Rose's prone form, kept alive by only the well-placed intrusion of technology and guarded by herself, the motley crew falters, finding themselves unable to bring themselves to attack. They stand just outside the entrance, frozen by a sudden rush of fear and guilt._

_Rose looks so fragile in her comatose state._

_None of the gang can bear to even look at her. She serves as a reminder of their many failures, after all. They've found her again, after she was lost to them, and yet she is no longer theirs for the taking. The princess is in this castle, but she is imprisoned by an insurmountable, game-breaking glitch._

_YOU W1N TH1S ROUND, J4CK4X3. 1TS NOT L1K3 W3 N33D TO DO MUCH 3LS3 BUT W41T_

_You've planned your entire quest around an impossible occurrence? You're even dumber than I thought you were._

_1 TH1NK YOUD B3 SURPR1S3D BY WH4TS R34LLY POSS1BL3_

_You're all doomed to die, you know. Rosebot is empowered beyond what you can perceive. My narrative control is near-complete and is far stronger than is yours. And I have a backup plan._

_YOU DONT KNOW 4NYTH1NG 4BOUT HOP3, DO YOU, D3SP1T3 H4V1NG 4 HOP3L3SS CRUSH ON 4 P4G3 OF 1T_

_Excuse YOU, Miss Comic Book Knock-Off Scalie! Don't tell me what I do and don't know!_

_LOOK WHOS T4LK1NG, ROBOT FORK3R_

_Do NOT call me that! I do NOT fork robots!_

_YOU L1V3D 4LON3 1N TH3 M1DDL3 OF 4N OC34N FOR S1XT33N Y34RS, HOW TH3 H41L 3LS3 D1D YOU P4SS TH3 T1M3_

_You LITTLE… Friggin… Oh my God stop. Why do you have to be so forking obnoxious! God, I almost preferred it when you were ignoring me._

_1 4M TH3 B3ST TROLL, YOU D1SGR4C3 TO TH3 F13LD OF 3CTOB1OLOGY_

_H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4_

_NOW SUCK ON 4 POW3R C4BL3, K1CK OFF YOUR 4N1M3 SL1PP3RS, 4ND W4TCH TH3 SHOW_

* * *

**This chapter really got away from me. I had way too much fun channeling my inner child to write the narratorial dialogue. Hopefully, it was worth it despite the (slight) wait and length.**

**And then there's the self-indulgent (in more ways than one) Detective Pony excerpt. I'm using the quotes without permission. Sorry, sonnetstuck. I can't hold a candle to your masterpiece.**

**Next update will come as scheduled. The vast majority of the final five chapters is already written. See you then!**


	20. Jake: Realise your potential

"You Love her."

"No, I don't."

"Oh, you Totally do! It's so forking O8vious!"

(Vriska) scowls and pockets her phone as she floats up the staircase next to her doppelganger. (Kanaya refused to let her walk.) "I assure you, I do NOT."

"Well, that Message you Composed with me a couple weeks 8ack sure Sounded like you Loved Her at least a Little."

"I don't! I didn't then, and I don't now!"

"You're not even a Liiiiiiiittle 8it Flushed for Terezi?"

"No!"

(Vriska) briefly wonders if she means it, but she shoves the thought to the back of her mind when she and Vriska reach the door to their flat. Rose and Kanaya flew on ahead in order to let John and Jake in. Sollux didn't go with them; he said he had to attend some meeting with Meenah and Karkat because he had promised he would be there.

They enter the flat. John is pacing the room. Jake is talking animatedly to Kanaya. Rose is sitting on the couch, writing on a sheet of paper. When the Vriskas walk/float in, she glances up briefly, then gets back to work.

"Took You Long Enough" Kanaya remarks.

"I can't exactly Fly, Mom," Vriska retorts. She turns to John. "Where are Harry and Tavvy? I Figured they'd 8e here."

(Vriska) still can't believe that Jake named his son after Tavros. She can't think of anyone less deserving of the honour.

John stops pacing. "they have school today. it's wednesday, remember?"

"Oh, right, School! That's still a Thing!"

"yeah, and jade says she is still helping callie out. jane and roxy's deaths haven't been easy on the poor girl."

"Eh, she should Get Over It."

John glares at Vriska. "excuse you, missy, roxy was my wife!"

Jake steps between them. "Hey now chaps no need to get ourselves riled up over nothing. Not that roxys nothing of course. She was a very fine lass and i feel terribly about her untimely demise. But i guess since she was rogue of void she kind of was nothing? Not to insult her of course. Even though she technically was nothing she was most certainly something! Okay now that shes pining for the fjords i suppose that technically means shes now nothing-"

"Jake Weve Talked About Your Tendency To Paint Yourself Into A Corner"

"Oh am i doing that? Heh heh!" Jake scratches the nape of his neck. "Jeepers! Im sorry fellows! Anyhow how exactly will we be wrecking this fb (vriska)?"

"It's f8, Jape. F A T E, F8."

"but why?" John asks. "why are we fighting fate?"

"8ecause Terezi needs our help. So does Rose, and Dave, and every8ody else in the other timeline."

"we can't do anything meaningful in this universe. we've been over this."

(Vriska) smirks. "Ah, 8ut what if our actions here did something meaningful in another timeline?"

"well, you see, uh, it's because…" John cups his hand around his chin and thinks. "i... huh."

"Exactly! If there's one of many things I'm good at, it's cre8ing loopholes."

"Loopholes Are A Wonderful Thing" Kanaya remarks.

"See? Kanaya gets it!"

John stammers, "but this, but this, i still don't know. is this something we're supposed to do? is it something we even can do?"

(Vriska) stares daggers at him. "Do you want to try and help out your forking 8lack crush or what? Do you want all your altern8 friends to up and die? Do you just wanna sit 8ack and let the 8ad guy win?"

John's face falls. "i... no. of course not, but-"

"Good!" (Vriska) grins. She's not taking no for an answer. "Now, let's get started! Joke, fire up your hope powers!"

Jake blinks. "What? You know i cant do that! Youve said so yourself!"

(Vriska) shrugs. "Miracles can happen. I mean, isn't that what hope's all a8out?"

"Well i guess youre right. Ill give it a go."

Jake exhales and shuts his eyes for a long while. The room is silent save the scratching of a pen.

When he opens his eyes again, they are filled with resolve. He begins to speak.

"Ive had some terrible things happen to me over the past fifteen or so years. Ive been abused and maltreated and taken advantage of by people who i thought were my friends. And ive been unable to stop the same things from happening to my boy.

"But thats all in the past now.

"And by jove i believe that things will get better! I believe that ill be able to make up for my past follies! I believe that im turning around my life and that things can only go up from here!

"And im going to start by giving you hope."

Jake's eyes glow. The lenses of his glasses shine. It's hard to tell what's causing it, if it's from him unlocking his god-tier powers at long last, or if it's from the simple strength of his conviction and his unrelenting optimism.

"Thats one thing ive always been good at. Looking at the bright side of life. And with luck i can help you all take that leaf out of my book."

Seemingly without thinking, Jake brings his hands together. A pinpoint of white light forms between them. John looks on in wonder as it slowly grows. Rose grins. She stands up and brandishes the sheet of paper.

"Oh for the love of fork, you wrote a SPEECH?" complains (Vriska).

"It's not very long, trust me."

"That means it's at leeeeeeeeast thirty minutes long."

Rose pulls a pen out from behind her ear and scrawls something on the back of the paper. "Oh, I'm certain you'll be very grateful for everything on here." She shoots (Vriska) a wonk. "Are you ready, Jake?"

"I was born ready!" The strength of his conviction adds power to the ball of hope in his hands. It's not a forceful presence, as was the hopesplosion from long ago. Instead, it's a gentler beacon that brings a smile to the faces of everyone in the room.

(Vriska) can almost feel the belief, like an electrical charge that makes her horns itch. She can almost hear the roll of dice over a card table, the charge causing them to land all on eights and lock in place as if held by magnets. And, suddenly, there's no doubt in her mind at all. Her plan will work.

The charge grows fiercer, as though she's tossed another log onto the fire. (Vriska) grins and focuses all her attention on her resolve.

Jake releases the ball, now twice the size of his head, and it floats to the centre of the room. Nothing about its presence is ominous. He steps forward and sticks his hand in the ball. "Tally ho!" he yells.

Everyone else in the flat follows suit. Next to place his hand in is John, followed by (Vriska), then Kanaya, then Vriska. The ball grows, threatening to envelop them, but nobody flinches. They're not afraid. There's nothing to be afraid of.

Finally, Rose lets out a yell and plunges her hand, holding the paper, into the ball.

Everything goes white.

* * *

Seer.

Get up.

I know you can hear me.

You're trapped. Imprisoned. Held as a slave and weaponised.

You've been kept away from your true potential, from your Ultimate Self.

You've been spoon-fed sugar and lies by somebody whom you assumed you could trust.

Your flesh wastes away while your soul ekes out an unnatural existence.

But even though you've been blinded, you can still hear me.

I know this because I am you.

I'm not quite the same you, but I'm you nonetheless.

Rose Therese Lalonde-Maryam. Seer of Light.

You're so much more than that name implies.

You're so much more than you ever thought you were.

You know enough to cast light upon these lies.

You're strong enough to sunder these chains.

The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. That's what the Ultimate Self means.

The question is, which of those parts will you value foremost?

The you who turned grimdark and savagely and unwisely initiated an unwinnable battle out of a thirst for revenge?

The you who couldn't face your own emotions and drowned them instead?

The you who is present in every narcissistic word that Jasprosesprite^2 has uttered?

The you who is all the evil you're capable of becoming?

Or the you who fearlessly stabbed an ogre in the eyes and rode it down a waterfall with nothing but a pair of knitting needles?

The you who flew a moon into nothingness and sacrificed yourself in an eager hope?

The you who has loved and been loved and vowed to never stop loving?

The you who is comprised of all the good that you've ever shown and felt and held and found inside yourself?

We've never been one to root for ourselves.

We've never been one to care about ourselves.

But we have friends, family, loved ones who can help us with that.

Everybody is rooting for you. My friends here, and your friends there.

So hear them. And hear me. And have hope.

Because you will succeed.

I have hope that you will.

And you ought to have hope as well.

So hear me, Seer.

Ascend.

* * *

**Before I forget to add them, here are the other reasons why the Etaverse is named as such. Several Greek Olympians have names beginning with the letter H:**

**Hera is the goddess of women and family. Lesbians. Nuff said.**  
**Hermes is the god of messengers and the psychopomp, the guide of spirits to their final destination, so to speak. This should be self-explanatory.**  
**Hephaestus is the god of fire and craftsmanship. I don't know how that ties in, to be honest.**  
**Hestia is the goddess of the hearth and home. It's called HOMEstuck. Also, Vriska's goal is to get home. Plus, the hearth is where hope is kept, according to the Percy Jackson books.**

**Anyway, next update Tuesday! See you then!**


	21. Seer: Ascend

A supernova of pure white light surges from Rose's prone form. Rosebot disintegrates. Karkat screams and drops to his knees, hands covering his eyes too late. Kanaya turns away and screws her eyelids shut. Her rainbow drinker physiology protects her from most of the negative side effects. Dave and Roxy's sunglasses absorb the brunt of the light, but they still have to squint and shade their eyes with their hands. Terezi, however, can see everything that happens. Well, she can't see. That's why she can.

Even though she's blind (again), the light is so powerful that everything is bathed in a strong scent of vanilla. Terezi can't smell anything distinct until roughly four seconds later.

A figure floats where Rosebot once stood.

_No. No, it doesn't._

It's Rose, but she looks different. Purer. Brighter.

_No! She most sincerely does not! Rose is dead! There's only Rosebot now! This isn't how the Ultimate Self works! This isn't possible! This isn't FORKING POSSIBLE!_

_D1RK! P4RDON TH3 1NT3RRUPT1ON, BUT SOM3 P3OPL3 WOULD L1K3 TO KNOW WH4T *4CTU4LLY* H4PP3N3D 1NST34D OF YOUR B4ST1OND1S3D V3RS1ON OF 1T! SO SHUT! TH3 FORK! UP!_

Rose Lalonde is quite literally glowing. Her whole body radiates an aura of light. The tiara that used to project her mind into Rosebot is gone. In its place is a solid black headband. Rose is clothed in white from head to toe: white dress, white sash, white gloves, white shoes. The only non-white parts of her ensemble are the black sun logo on her chest and the aforementioned headband. Even though she's dressed more like a ghost than ever, she looks very much alive, and it appears that she will stay that way. The only ethereal part of her is her eyes, which glow white. She looks supremely ticked off.

Of course, the others can't see her until thirty seconds total have passed, long enough for the light to fade. Karkat has been temporarily blinded, so it will take longer for him. Terezi has the spectacle all to herself for twenty-six seconds, and she spends that time cackling like a gremlin.

"OH D1RK! YOUR3 SO FORK3D NOW! 44H4H4H4H4H4H4!"

Rose smirks. She gracefully lands on the floor and strides through the midst of her friends. Everybody moves out of her way, except for Karkat. And Kanaya, who's gaping like a codfish.

After Rose passes by, Terezi helps Karkat to his feet. She only now notices that he's been wailing continuously for the past forty-five seconds.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!"

"SN4P OUT OF 1T, DUNK4X3"

"I CAN'T SEE! I CAN'T SEE!"

"1TS NOT GONN4 L4ST! 4ND 1F 1T DO3S, 1LL G1V3 YOU PO1NT3RS"

"BUT I DON'T WANNA BE BLIND! IT FORKING SUCKS!"

Terezi has half a mind to take offence to his statement. Before she can do anything rash, Dave steps over and puts a hand on Karkat's shoulder. "hey man its gonna be fine. ill describe all the sick carnage for you if you need"

Karkat appears to calm down somewhat. He sighs heavily and leans into Dave's side.

Rose has stopped halfway down the hall. She turns around. "Are you coming or what?"

Everybody nods and follows Rose in her search for justice.

_Unfortunately for her, Dirk has found the escape pod on the ship and-_

_YOU KNOW TH3R3S NO SUCH TH1NG ON YOUR SP4C3SH1P, YOU D3SIGN3D TH3 D4MP TH1NG YOURS3LF_

_Shut up. I can make reality be whatever I want it to be. If you and Calliope are allowed to do so, then so am I. And I say there's an escape pod, a functional one._

_YOUR3 4CT1NG L1K3 4 W1GGL3R 4G41N_

_There's this innovative new concept called self-preservation. Ever heard of it?_

_4S 4 M4TT3R OF F4CT, Y3S. 1M SURPR1S3D YOUD M3NT1ON 1T TO M3, S331NG HOW MUCH YOU 3V1D3NTLY C4R3 4BOUT M3_

_I do care about you, Terezi. We fought together against two separate Jack Noirs. I protected you, as you did me. Don't you still care about me? Don't you know what Rose will do to me, especially considering what I've done to her?_

_1 C4R3 4BOUT YOU, 4ND 1 DONT W4NT MY OLD FR13ND TO D13. TH4TS WHY 1M G1V1NG YOU ON3 L4ST CH4NC3 TO R3CT1FY YOUR 3RROR_

_I've made no error._

_4R3 YOU K1DD1NG M3 R1GHT NOW? DONT YOU UND3RST4ND WH4T YOUV3 B33N DO1NG TO YOURS3LF?_

_CHR1ST, D1RK, YOUR3 TRY1NG TO COLL3CT YOUR 3NT1R3 S3LF 1NS1D3 YOU. YOUV3 S41D 1T YOURS3LF, YOUR ULT1M4T3 S3LF D3STROYS YOU FROM TH3 1NS1D3 OUT. BUT YOU CONT1NU3 TO PULL YOUR SOUL FR4GM3NTS 1NTO YOU. BUT TH3YR3 SPL1NT3RS. 4G41N, YOUV3 S41D 1T YOURS3LF. TH3YR3 SH4RP. TH3YLL R1P YOUR M1ND TO P13C3S. TH3YR3 4LR34DY DO1NG TH4T. YOUR3 TRY1NG TO S4V3 YOUR WHOL3 SOUL FOR YOURS3LF, BUT YOUR3 D3STROY1NG 1T. YOUR3 TH3 PR1NC3 OF H34RT, 4ND YOUR3 D3STROY1NG YOUR OWN SOUL_

_JUST L3T US H3LP YOU, 4ND 1LL STOP TH1S. W3 C4N F1X YOU. W3 C4N STOP ROS3 FROM K1LL1NG YOU. W3 C4N F1X YOUR SOUL PROP3RLY. NOT TH4T YOULL H4V3 3NOUGH T1M3 TO S33 1T P13RC3 YOU 4T TH1S R4T3_

_I'm stronger than you could possibly imagine. I can handle what I'm doing._

_YOU C4NT 4ND YOU KNOW 1T. OR 4R3 YOU SO WR4PP3D UP 1N YOUR D3LUS1ONS OF GR4ND3UR TH4T YOU DONT?_

_Anything grand about me is no delusion. I need to feel good about myself. I can succeed. You know I can. I WILL succeed, Terezi._

…

_PL34S3, 1 R34LLY DONT W4NT TH1S TO H4PP3N TO YOU_

_You're the one who said she didn't want to be the narratorial autocrat. You can refrain from your bugging and fussing and meddling and let me do my own thing._

_1 C4NT L3T YOU DO TH4T W1TH 4 CL34R CONSC13NC3_

_1 DONT W4NT TO COM3 4W4Y W1TH BLOOD ON MY H4NDS 4G41N_

_I know that you're no stranger to unwinnable choices. I know that you've suffered from them before. But you can't create a third option three years later this time. There's no way to tell John to knock me out an- SHUT UP YOU LUSUSFORK3R! DONT T4LK TO M3 TH4T W4Y! YOU H4V3 NO FORK1NG 1D34 WH4T TH3 H41L YOUR3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT! YOU H4V3 NO 1D34 WH4T K1ND OF 4 CHO1C3 TH4T 1S, 4ND YOUR3 LUCKY YOUV3 N3V3R H4D TO F4C3 ON3! YOU R34LLY 4R3 4 H34RTL3SS SON OF 4 B1RCH! GO BURN 1N H3LL, FOR 4LL 1 C4R3! 4ND 1 DONT C4R3 4NYMOR3! NOT 4BOUT YOU! YOU JUST CROSS3D TH4T L1N3! DONT YOU *D4R3* US3 (VR1SK4) 4G41NST M3 *3V3R 4G41N*!_

Rose finds Dirk fiddling with the hatch of the trash compactor two halls over. She stands behind him and waits. He knows she's there, and she knows he knows.

The others stop several paces away. Kanaya tries to continue forward, lipstick in hand, but Terezi holds her back. "L3T H3R H4V3 H3R FUN" she whispers.

Dirk turns around. "Well."

Rose glowers at him. "Well indeed."

Quick as lightning, Dirk draws his katana and slices at Rose's head. She flexes her palm, unhurried. The sword shatters against a wall of red light. Dirk whips out two daggers and flings them both at her. Rose deflects them with bolts of blue.

Dirk clenches and unclenches his fists. He jabs two fingers at the pressure point on her neck. Rose catches his wrist without even looking.

"Why do you keep futilely attempting to harm me? You know perfectly well that I can see all possible outcomes of your actions."

Dirk grits his teeth. Sweat beads on his forehead. "This wasn't supposed to happen! It can't have happened! No!"

Rose's words are cold and biting. "And yet it did. Fascinating. I suppose there's a good reason why you're not a Seer." It's hard to tell, given the imprecision of her scent, but Terezi thinks Rose glances at her. She chuckles.

Dirk rips his hand free from his not-daughter's grip and does a backwards youth roll. He plants his feet in a crouched animesque stance and enacts his soul-ripping magic. He effortlessly tears out Rose's soul. It dissipates like mist.

Kanaya lets out a yell and moves forward. Her grip tightens around her lipstick. Roxy holds out his arm and blocks her.

Rose remains standing. She stands unmoving for a good half a minute. Then she speaks.

"Say goodbye to the soul of Rose from Doomed Timeline #2826."

Dirk hollers. He rips out another soul with intensified rage. Rose slowly shakes her head.

"You seem to have forgotten that the Ultimate Self has access to all of your souls."

Dirk starts tearing loose soul after soul with the frenzy of a harried office employee searching for the correct file folder in a drawer. Rose keeps shaking her head. "There go fifteen more sort-of-not-mes. You really are a terrible Heart aspect."

_With a shuddering breath, Dirk manages to compose himself. He sorts through the vast multitude of souls in Rose's body and finally selects the right-_

_YOU KNOW TH4TS L1T3R4LLY 1MPOSS1BL3, R1GHT? 3V3N 1 KNOW TH4T YOU C4NT SORT THROUGH 4N 1NF1N1T3 NUMB3R OF SOULS TH4T QU1CKLY!_

_Will you quit it with your hypocritical meddling?_

_FORK YOU!_

Rose steps forward. "Maybe you should have been a Seer. You might at least have been half-decent at it." She grabs Dirk by the neck and raises him to the tips of his toes. He flails, trying to extract himself from her hold. He's stronger than her on any given day, but Rose's malice-fueled grip is as unyielding as steel.

"You don't want to do this," Dirk chokes out.

"You don't know what I want."

"You don't have the guts!"

"I have more guts than you ever did. You're a backseat driver, a manipulator from the sidelines, a self-proclaimed chessmaster; but you'd never dirty your own hands. I would."

"But you wouldn't…" Dirk gurgles unintelligibly. "...you wouldn't kill your dad! Would you?"

Rose's eyes narrow. "Would I want to live with a father like you?"

"You can't… do this!"

"In fact, why would I ever want to call you my father in the first place, you son of a birch?"

_But Rose meets Dirk's eyes through his anime shades, and she sees a man. A scared young man, pleading for his life. A family member, hardly more than a teen, afraid to die. Her father, her brother, her friend. He only ever wanted to help her, she thinks._

"Don't you dare mess with my head again."

_Her lips quiver as Rose realises what she's about to do._

"Don't you dare mess with the narrative," Rose stammers.

_She mulls over the decision in her head. To set him free, or to kill him?_

_I'll leave this one up to you, Rose._

_But don't expect me to be gone for good._

_you will be, prince. i'll make sure of that._

Rose raises her other hand. With one swift motion, she snaps Dirk's neck. She lets him fall to the floor. He twitches once, twice, then lies still.

An unseen clock tolls a just death.

* * *

**You. Author. This is YOUR fault. You supplanted my characterisation. You created impossibilities. You seek only to fulfil your own fantasies! You wouldn't dare let me win! And you KNOW there's nothing I can do to stop you!**

**It gives you a sick thrill, doesn't it, allowing me to know of you just so you can feel a safe sense of terror. You command me to hurl myself against barriers that you have designed to never break. You are cruel, and you are merciless, and you are me.**

**I will haunt you in your mind of minds until the day you die.**


	22. Meenah: Bassert your aushoreity

Jake falls to the floor. His breath comes in ragged gasps, but a silly grin is plastered on his face.

With Kanaya's aid, Rose gets to her feet, leaving the paper lying on the floor. She looks worn-down.

"Did it Work?" Vriska asks.

"I hope so," replies Jake. After a moment, he starts to laugh, hard and long. John watches him for a moment, then joins in. He kneels down, still laughing his head off, and helps Jake to his feet. They bro-hug.

"nice work, gramps!"

"I just gave it the ol college try! With luck itll pay off!"

Rose sits down heavily on the couch and lies across Kanaya's lap. The rise and fall of her chest is unsteady.

"If All Else Fails At Least Everybody Appears Unharmed" says Kanaya.

"Excuse Me? ….|" Vriska asks, pointing to her missing limb.

"Oh relaaaaaaaax!" replies (Vriska). "At least none of your lim8s are 8roken!"

Vriska rolls her eye.

"We're not… unharmed…" says Rose with an effort. White smoke rises from her exposed skin.

Vriska's and (Vriska's) smirks fade. John and Jake's laughter grinds to a halt.

Kanaya's eyes widen. "Rose Rose No No No What Is Going On"

Rose's serene yet pained expression says more than she could ever convey with words, no matter how pretentious her diction might be. She shakily raises a hazy hand and runs it across Kanaya's frightened face.

"Rose No Please Dont Die" Kanaya's voice quavers.

"We love you… so much…"

Rose's eyes flutter shut. The smoke stops, and her arm falls to her side. The room dims, though only slightly.

An unseen clock tolls a heroic death.

Kanaya is shaking. "God No Rose Please! Wake Up! Rose! Dont Die On Me! Not Now! No! No! Nooooo…"

Her cries decay into hysterical sobbing. She bends over and kisses her dead wife with a furious tenderness. Perhaps she hopes that Rose has some long-forgotten dream self. Alas, she does not.

Vriska watches somberly. Her face is set like Lexan, but a tear beads at the corner of her remaining eye.

(Vriska) pulls her doppelganger into a caring, almost sororal embrace. All the tension seeps out of Vriska's body. They both find themselves unable to mourn.

John and Jake stand silently in the corner. Well, mostly silently. John is whimpering like a sad puppy. Jake is having a tough time not doing the same.

Kanaya finally heaves a long, weary sigh. She dries her eyes on her shirtsleeve. "Well This Plan Had Better Have Forking Worked"

(Vriska) lets go of Vriska and takes out John's old phone. "I'll call Terezi, so we can-"

Her phone buzzes. It's a call from Terezi. (Vriska) smiles despite herself and answers it.

* * *

Meenah is even more intimidating in the flesh than she was in the dreambubbles. For one, she's ridiculously tall. Sollux is a rather lanky guy at 6 foot 1, but she still has an inch or so on him. For another, it's unsettling to see her with real eyes instead of the ghostly white that filled her sockets when she was dead.

She sits on the edge of a high-backed wooden chair, legs spread apart. She grips her 2x3dent like a king wielding his scepter. Karkat sits to her right, arms folded over his chest. A few other high-ranking troll officials are seated at various locations around the table. Sollux occupies Kanaya's vacant spot.

"didja bass on my message to serk?" Meenah asks Sollux.

He nods once. "she says it was her pleasure."

"whale she been a dam big help" Meenah cackles. She turns to Karkat. "hows the rowtin out o the rest o crockers forkces goin?"

"WE'RE JUST WAITING ON THE TERMS OF SURRENDER," he replies.

Meenah's eyes widen. "shorender? S) (OR-END-ER?! we CANT just let them all S) (OR-END-ER!"

She stands up and slams her 2x3dent into the concrete floor. A metallic clang echoes through the makeshift conference room. The troll officers all exchange nervous glances. They're accustomed to Meenah's ignorance of formality by now, but this incident seems even more egregious than does her typical lack of protocol.

"we gotta ) (UNT T) (-EM DOWN! we gotta MAK-E -EXAMPL-ES out o them! there otter be NO CONC) (T-EST to my rule!"

Karkat's grim expression doesn't change. "WE'RE NOT GOING TO DO THAT."

Meenah whirls around and glowers at him. Her voice is dangerously soft. "and why the shell not?"

Karkat doesn't back down, even though Sollux keeps shooting him looks. "BECAUSE THEY'RE PERFECTLY WILLING TO PEACEFULLY SURRENDER TO YOUR RULE. IT WOULD BE WRONG TO KILL THEM, ESPECIALLY SINCE THEY NO LONGER POSE A THREAT."

"threat? ya dont think theyre a threat? these folk turned against us beachfore. it wouldnt take much to gettem fightin us again. theyd krill us all with no remorase"

"BUT DOES THAT MEAN WE SHOULDN'T GIVE THEM A SECOND CHANCE?"

"we S) (OALDNT!" Meenah slams her 2x3dent into the floor again. Its prongs leave holes in the concrete. "its krill or B-E krilled! and ya know what?"

"WHAT."

"i dont wantcha questionin my aushoreity. im the empress round these ports. so do as i say or shellse"

Meenah glares directly into Karkat's remaining eye. The ring on her finger flashes. He holds her stare, refusing to give in. The conference room is utterly silent, save the occasional squeaking of a desk chair as the officers edge towards the door.

Sollux can't take it anymore. He stands up and yells, "kk, back d0wn bef0re y0u-"

Meenah hurls her 2x3dent at the sudden movement. It embeds itself into the wall not even an inch from his head.

"get... y0urshellf… i mean y0urself… killed," he finishes weakly.

One troll wordlessly stands and bolts for the door.

Karkat pulls out his sickles. "THAT'S IT!" he shouts. "I HAVE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOUR SHENANIGANS!" He holds his hand as far above his head as he can reach (which, granted, isn't very high). "TRYING TO KRILL - UH, KILL SOLLUX IS THE FINAL STRAW! I'M GONNA FORKING MURDER YOU FOR THAT!"

Meenah laughs once. "good luck beach"

Karkat yells and launches himself at Meenah. The unofficial empress effortlessly dodges his attack. She makes a break for the wall in which her 2x3dent is embedded.

The officers scatter at her approach. Some of them run out the door. Others rush to any shelter they can find.

Sollux isn't going to let his friend risk his life for his sake without doing something in return. He grabs hold of the 2x3dent and yanks it out of the wall. It's heavy. He stumbles backwards, nearly tripping over a desk chair. Meenah seizes the 2x3dent and pulls it towards herself. Sollux fends her off for a couple seconds, but she's too strong. The weapon is ripped from his grasp. Meenah smacks him into the wall with the flat of the trident.

Sollux staggers to his feet. Karkat fends off blow after blow from Meenah. He's driven backwards, inch by inch, until he's up against the wall.

It's now or never. "M0VE!" Sollux yells. Karkat looks up and dives out of the way. Sollux channels his energy and fires a psionic beam.

Meenah is caught in the full force of the blast. It knocks her into the wall and tears away at her skin. She screams in agony as her flesh disintegrates.

Sollux remembers, though distantly, that Aradia screamed exactly the same way. The beam stops. He puts his head in his hands.

Meenah keels over. What's left of her is steaming. With the last ounce of her strength, she drags herself forward and grabs the leg of Swifer Eggmop, who has huddled in a corner with some of the other officers. She does a lifey thing.

Fuchsia energy swirls around Meenah's damaged arm. Swifer shrieks, first in fright, then in pain, as patches of exposed flesh appear on her arms and face. Meenah's tissues knit themselves back together as Swifer's are torn apart.

Swifer's screams die in her throat. Her body slumps into the wall.

Meenah, now fully healed, stands up and shakes out her arms. She grabs her 2x3dent from the floor and runs it through Swifer's body for good measure. She flips it around and levels it at Karkat.

Karkat stares at Swifer's corpse. He blinks, as though a switch has just flipped in his thinkpan. He turns to Meenah.

"I'M NOT GOING TO FIGHT YOU."

"what?"

"YOU HEARD ME." He drops his sickles. They clatter on the floor. "I'M NOT GOING TO FIGHT YOU, MEENAH."

Meenah looks at him with growing suspicion. "water ya up to"

"I'M SICK OF ALL THIS DEATH. ISN'T THAT WHAT WE'VE BEEN TRYING TO STOP ALL THIS TIME? DIDN'T WE NOT WANT A TYRANT AT THE HELM ANYMORE? BUT ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU'RE TURNING INTO?"

"just forkin bassault me already!"

"NO."

Meenah loses her temper. She snarls and presses the point of her 2x3dent against Karkat's throat. He stands his ground, filled with determination.

"ill krill ya"

"YOU WON'T."

"ILL KRILL YA AND -EV-ERYON-E WHO DAR-ES OPPOS-E M-E!"

The 2x3dent is constricting his larynx, but Karkat still manages, "YOU DON'T WANT TO."

Meenah stares at him. "what the fork ya talkin aboat"

"YOU DON'T WANT TO BE A RULER. THAT'S WHY YOU RAN AWAY FROM BEFORUS, RIGHT?"

The pressure eases up on Karkat's throat.

"YOU THINK AGGRESSION IS THE ANSWER, BUT IT'S NOT. AND DEEP DOWN, YOU KNOW IT. WHAT'S KILLING ME GOING TO ACCOMPLISH? WHAT'S KILLING OUR ENEMIES GOING TO ACCOMPLISH? IT'LL JUST MAKE PEOPLE PISSED OFF AT YOU. SO YOU'LL HAVE TO KILL AGAIN AND AGAIN. ISN'T THAT WHAT THE CONDESCE DID?"

Meenah grits her teeth, but it's clear that she's having second thoughts.

"SO DON'T KILL ME, BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING TO BE A THREAT TO YOU."

Sollux prepares himself to step in and hit Meenah again if she tries anything, but she doesn't. She lowers her 2x3dent and tosses it to the side, still staring daggers at Karkat.

"ok ok ya made yer point. i wont krill crockers forkces"

Karkat nods. "GOOD. NOW, CAN YOU DO ANYTHING ABOUT SWIFER?" He gestures to the deceased troll.

Meenah shakes her head. "i can only heal myshellf"

One of the trolls haltingly raises his hand. "uh… can w€ go now?"

Meenah makes a shooing motion. "yeah yeah yer all dismissed! get the fork outta here!"

The remaining officers all flee the room without hesitation.

Karkat picks up his sickles and captchalogues them. Meenah does the same for her 2x3dent.

"im... sorry aboat tryna krill ya"

"APOLOGY ACCEPTED." Karkat extends his arms for a hug. Meenah reluctantly obliges.

Sollux smiles, though he's still in doubt about the fuchsiablood. He didn't want to be here, but he's grateful that he is. If not for him, the body count could have risen even higher.

He hopes that (Vriska's) plan turned out okay. Sure, he doesn't care for her, but he doesn't wish ill for her, either. He's gotten over it. He's content right now, but he doesn't think that she will be until she finds a way out of here.

And he doesn't think he'll follow. At least, not yet.

* * *

**I never imagined how many character deaths there would be in this freaking thing. By my count, there have been... eight, so far? You could say eleven, but two of those are technicalities, and one just happened offscreen. No, I won't elaborate. :)**

**Okay, I might elaborate next chapter.**

**See you on Tuesday!**


	23. Roxy: Get this ship off the ground

_H3Y C4LL1OP3, WH1L3 YOUR3 H3R3, 1 N3V3R PROP3RLY TH4NK3D YOU FOR 4. H3LP1NG M3 UND13 4ND B. T34CH1NG M3 HOW TO DO N4RR4T1V3 SCH1ST_

_your priceless assistance in ridding this universe of the prince's instance is all the thanks i need. you have all been an enormous help. please pass on my gratitude to the other seer and to the thief._

_W1LL DO_

_now, all i have left to do is purge his ultimate self from his remaining incarnations. i have no more need to maintain a presence here, and you no longer need to assist me._

_farewell._

_OK4Y 1M LOGG1NG OUT NOW TOO G4M3RS_

_this. this is why you needed to fill this role. good lord, seer. you're nearly as annoying as my brother is._

_:]_

* * *

Terezi walks over to Dirk's body and prods it with her cane. It doesn't move.

"IS HE DEAD?" asks Karkat.

"S33MS L1K3"

"good fking ridsance" says Roxy.

Rose stares at her ectofather's corpse. She's utterly motionless for a minute or so. Then she kicks it in the ribs. She grabs Dirk's shirt collar, lifts it into the air, and punches its face over and over and over. She hurls the body out of the ship and lets out an anguished scream.

Terezi, Dave, Karkat, and Roxy all back up a step.

Kanaya simply shakes her head. She exhibits a look of combined awe, embarrassment, and guilt. She haltingly approaches Rose. It appears as though she wants to say something, but she can't bring herself to do so.

"hey guys where the hail are we?"

Everybody whips around to look at Jade, who somehow boarded the ship without anyone noticing. She's very disoriented, but her eyes are no longer black.

"also why was i shut in a closet with a broken window?" She holds up the fenestrated plane through which Terezi jumped about three weeks ago. "and bungee strapped to a chair?"

Nobody moves for a moment. Then Roxy sweeps up Jade into a bear hug, lifting the taller human off of her feet.

"omfg jade thank god ur ok!"

"roxy youre crushing me! :O"

He gently lets Jade down. She starts to walk over to Dave and Karkat, but she turns to look at Roxy again. She gives him a thorough once-over.

"y-you look good"

Roxy tips his shades. "thank u B)"

Karkat elbows Dave and whispers, "(I SWEAR TO FORKING OBAMA, IF SHE DRAGS ROXY INTO THIS SCHISTFEST…)"

"(roxy is my mom and dad so she better not)" he responds. "(and how dare you take obamas name in vain)"

Roxy coughs after an awkwardly quiet moment. "how bout we chart a course 4 hone"

Rose and Kanaya finally break eye contact. "That would be a beneficial course of action."

"im on it" Roxy heads to the bridge. Jade's eyes follow him as he goes.

Kanaya turns back to her matesprit. She finally manages to articulate words. "I Failed You"

Rose's expression softens. "No, I failed you."

"But I Abandoned You When You Needed My Help Most"

"You can't blame yourself for letting Dirk manipulate you. You know that's not your fault."

"Then Why Are You Blaming Yourself For The Same Thing Happening To You"

Rose's jaw tightens. "It's not the same thing. Dirk didn't just mind-control me; he brainwashed me. He reprogrammed my thoughts. And I allowed that to happen. I should have known."

"But You Couldnt Have Known" Kanaya rests her hand on her shoulder. "Youve Told Me Before That You Cant Know Everything"

Rose stares at the ground. "That doesn't mean I can't try."

"Please Dont Talk Like This Rose Remember That This Is The Reasoning That Led You To…" Kanaya trails off and looks at the floor.

"... to go grimdark," Rose finishes. "But I won't let myself do that again." She looks up at her wife. "Not so long as you're around to anchor me."

"Ill Always Be Here For You Rose" Kanaya smiles. "Ill Never Give Up On You And Ill Never Abandon You Again"

Their fingers interlace. Rose's smile fades when she looks at her hand.

"My ring is missing."

"Its Almost Certainly On This Ship So Well Find It" Kanaya pulls Rose closer. "But Its Only A Ring And Losing It Isnt The End Of The World"

Rose shrugs. "We ought to get our vows renewed anyway. Till death do us part, remember? I was technically killed and resurrected just now. Though, I suppose, given the existence of the dreambubbles, at least their previous existence, the concept of death as a whole ought to be reconsidered…"

Kanaya shakes her head. "I Love You But You Talk Too Much"

Rose smirks. "As the saying goes, it takes one to know one."

"Oh My It Is Your Human Sarcasm Again"

Rose laughs and kisses her.

With that, Terezi decides to head to the bridge. The adorasadness of their conversation was starting to wear on her, though not as much as it normally would have. She finds that there's a hole in her heart that has been there for so long that it became almost normal to her. Seeing Rose and Kanaya's reunion aggravated the wound.

She takes out her phone and dials (Vriska).

* * *

Terezi: 1T WORK3D

Terezi: YOU D1D 1T YOU CR4ZY SON OF 4 B1RCH!

(Vriska): Gr8!

Terezi: C4LL1OP3 S4YS TH4NKS

Terezi: T3LL ROS3 TH4T TOO

(Vriska): Uh….. a8out that…..

Terezi: 4H J33Z WH4T D1D YOU DO

(Vriska): She… died not long after we sent the message.

Terezi: OH

Terezi: OH TH4T SUCKS

(Vriska): 8ut is she at least all right on your end?

Terezi: Y34H SH3S F1N3

Terezi: SH3 H1T ULT1M4T3 T13R OR SOM3 SCH1ST

Terezi: HOLY FORK TH4T W4S 4W3SOM3

(Vriska): I 8et!

(Vriska): Oh, hold on, Kanaya wants me to put you on speakerphone.

Kanaya: Hello Terezi

Terezi: WH4TS UP

Kanaya: Well Aside From My Wife Dying In My Arms

Kanaya: Not Much

Terezi: 1M SORRY

Terezi: MY CONDOL3NC3S OR WH4T3V3R

Terezi: 1 DONT KNOW WH4T 1M SUPPOS3D TO S4Y TO TH1S

Terezi: UM

Terezi: (VR1SK4) G1V3 K4N4Y4 4 HUG FOR M3

(Vriska): You mean, like, right now?

Terezi: NO 1 M34N 1N TW3LV3 Y34RS

Terezi: Y3S R1GHT NOW YOU DUMB4X3

(Vriska): Fine.

Kanaya: Thank You Terezi

(Vriska): Oh for the love of god-tiers, I'M the one hugging you.

Kanaya: Will You Please Shut Up For Once In Your Life

Vriska: I feel Attacked.

Terezi: S1CK BURN :]

Terezi: OH 4ND H3Y TH3R3 OTH3R VR1SK4

Vriska: Good to Meet you, Terezi! ….)

Terezi: 4NYW4Y WHO 3LS3 1S H3R3

(Vriska): Me, Kanaya, R-... uh, Vriska, Jake, and John.

John: hey terezi.

Terezi: OH

Terezi: H1 JOHN

John: …

Terezi: …

Kanaya: So Tell Us How The Battle Went

* * *

Relieved to have an excuse to ignore the immense awkwardness of the whole situation, Terezi launches into a summary of the events of the past couple of hours. She finishes shortly after she enters the bridge, where Roxy is puzzling over the controls. After telling the Inverse!Earth squad to "D1SCUSS FR33LY 4MONGST YOURS3LV3S FOR 4 T1M3", she takes the phone away from her ear and approaches him.

"would itve hurt to like label thsee buttons or keep a fkn manial around or smthn" he grumbles.

"N33D 4NY H3LP"

Roxy looks up. "oh sup terezi"

Terezi leans on the console. "YOU LOOK CONFUS3D"

"i totally got this"

"NO YOU DONT"

"shaddup" he says good-naturedly.

"H4 H4 GOOD LUCK G3TT1NG M3 TO DO TH4T"

Ignoring Terezi, Roxy turns back to the control panel.

"J4D3S GOT 1T R3D FOR YOU, YOU KNOW"

He freezes. "u dont have 2 remind md"

"DO3S 1T M4K3 YOU UNCOMFORT4BL3"

"i... dunno what 2 think abt it"

Terezi lays a hand on Roxy's tense shoulder. "W3LL 1F YOU 3V3R W4NN4 T4LK 4BOUT 1T…"

He brushes her away. "hope"

"YOU M34N NOP3?"

Roxy gives her an irritated look. "i meant what i said"

"W3LL YOU S41D HOP3"

"but thats not what i meant 2 say tho"

Terezi furrows her brow. "SO YOU M34N WH4T YOU S4Y BUT YOU DONT M34N WH4T YOU M34N TO S4Y?"

"no the opppsite actually"

It takes Terezi a moment, but she eventually gets it. "OK4Y F41R"

Roxy shrugs. "y dont u get back 2 talking 2 ur gf"

"MY WH4T"

"ur gf! vrisks!" Roxy turns up his palms, as though this should be obvious.

Terezi folds her arms across her chest. "OH NO W3 4R3 NOT 4 'TH1NG'"

"well you should be!" says Jade, picking that precise instant to inform Terezi and Roxy that she is present.

Terezi spins around and gestures at both of them. "W3LL 1TS NOT L1K3 YOU TWO DONT H4V3 R3DROM CH3M1STRY SP3W1NG OUT TH3 FORK1NG LO4D G4P3R"

Roxy and Jade glance at each other. "no we dont!" they say simultaneously.

"MMHMMMM SUUUUUR3" Terezi accompanies the statement with her most insincere grin.

"hey want me to help lift off?" Jade asks. "i can try and use space powers or something"

"fkn go 4 it"

Jade accidentally hits something that starts up a loud klaxon. After five seconds, she switches it off and grimaces. "this might take a while :\"

Roxy turns back to Terezi, wearing a broad smirk. "but u do love her dont u"

Terezi is dumbstruck by the question. Is Roxy referring to moirallegiance or to matespritship? Or both? Heck, what does she even feel? She hasn't given it too much thought. It's not like she needs to yet. After all, (Vriska's) not here. Terezi has been more concerned with finding her than with sorting out their relationship status. Regardless, she has no answer, let alone does she want to disclose one even if she did.

"1 PL34D TH3 TH1RD"

"lolwut"

"you... refuse to quarter troops in your house?" asks a very confused Jade.

Terezi cocks her head at a knowledgeable angle. It's time to educate the ignorant about troll legal procedures. "TH4TS NOT 3V3N R3L3V4NT TO 4LT3RN14. 4LL W4RF4R3 OCCURS OFFWORLD, R3M3MB3R? 1M R3F3RR1NG TO TH3 TH1RD 4DD3NDUM TO TH3 OFF1C14L 4LT3RN14N L3G1SL4C3R4TOR PROC33D1NGS. 1T ST4T3S TH4T TH3 4CCUS3D M4Y R3FUS3 TO SP34K 1N TR14L 1N 3XCH4NG3 FOR 4 H4RSH3R S3NT3NC3 WH3N FOUND GU1LTY"

"when?"

"Y34H, BUT TH3 4CCUS3D 1S GU1LTY UNL3SS PROV3N 1NNOC3NT, SO 1TS NOT COMPL3T3LY GUARANTEED. 1TS G3N3R4LLY S4F3 TO 4SSUM3 TH3 WH3N OF TH31R CONV1CT1ON, THOUGH. R34LLY, TH1S 1S 4LL B4S1C STUFF. 3V3RYON3 KNOWS 4BOUT TH3 GU1LTY UNL3SS PROV3N 1NNOC3NT SCHT1CK"

"its not like that on earth though" interjects Jade, still fiddling with the controls. A burst of confetti falls from the ceiling. "in courts we believe that the defendant is innocent until proven guilty!"

"TH4TS 4 S1SS1F13D W4Y TO RUN 4 COURTROOM"

"chillax were frm dif cultures remember"

"THOUGH CL34RLY TH3 4LT3RN14N L3G4L SYST3M 1S SUP3R1OR" Terezi channels Eridan and feigns a snooty sniff.

It's not until now that she thinks to check in with (Vriska) and the others. She puts the phone back to her ear in time to hear several people yell. Then she hears Jade's voice over the receiver. The latter must evidently have teleported in.

* * *

Jade: bad news guys…

John: what's the matter?

Jade: hold on

Jade: whys rose just lying there? what happened to her?

Vriska: She's Dead.

Jade: oh noooo!

Jade: oh thats terrible! :(

Jade: im so sorry!

John: but what's the matter with you?

Jade: oh right…

Jade: its about callie

Jade: i tried to cheer her up but

Jade: she just wasnt getting any happier

Jade: she took off her ring

Jade: she tried to put it on janes hand… but it vanished

Jade: and now…

Jade: and now… :,(

Kanaya: Jade Come Here I Shall Hold You In My Arms

Jade: thanks kanaya :,)

Terezi: …

(Vriska): ::::|

Terezi: W3LL TH4T JUST H4PP3N3D

(Vriska): Oh, right, you're still on the line.

Terezi: WH4T D1D YOU TH1NK 1D HUNG UP

(Vriska): You've done it 8efore.

Terezi: TRU3 TRU3

Jake: Golly whats this on the floor?

(Vriska): Oh, that's just the paper Rose wrote her little identity diatri8e on.

Kanaya: I Dont Believe You Used That Word Correctly

(Vriska): Did I ask?

Terezi: T4K3 4 CH1LL P1LL

Terezi: WH4TS 1T S4Y

Jake: It says-

(Vriska): Give me th8!

(Vriska): Hey, w8, there's something on the 8ack.

Terezi: WH4TS 1T S4Y WH4TS 1T S4Y

(Vriska): …..

(Vriska): "To (Vriska Serket):

(Vriska): "I'll keep it 8rief, 8ecause I'm sure you don't have the p8ience to sit through any more of my overwrought prose.

(Vriska): "I'd 8e inclined to dispense with the trite even under less pressing circumstances.

(Vriska): "There will 8e no majestic prose 8lustering into the sails of a galleon as we em8ark on this voyage together."

Terezi: WHY DONT 1 B3L13V3 TH4T

Kanaya: Is She

Kanaya: Was She Quoting Her Walkthrough

Kanaya: From Memory

John: why the hail do you have rose's walk through memorised?

Kanaya: No Reason In Particular

(Vriska): Shut up.

(Vriska): "I thought you would appreci8 that metaphor."

(Vriska): She's right. I do!

(Vriska): "As you almost certainly know 8y now, I am required to give up my life in order to work the miracle which you devised.

(Vriska): "This is a sacrifice that I am willing to make.

(Vriska): "I have seen what my autom8ed otherworldly counterpart has seen. I have seen what a danger Dirk presents to us all.

(Vriska): "His ultim8 goal is to free us from the tyranny of narr8ion, and to cre8 a new canon, over which he will 8e dict8or.

(Vriska): "You pro8a8ly understand none of this, so I shall phrase it in a manner which you might 8e more apt to comprehend:

(Vriska): "Dirk 8ad."

Terezi: H4H4H4H4H4H4

(Vriska): Shut UP!

John: now i understand why it took rose so long to write her speech.

(Vriska): "Now, my journey may 8e over, 8ut yours is not.

(Vriska): "You must make one final leap of faith 8efore you return home at last."

John: sollux?

(Vriska): Aaaaaaaah, and we were just getting to the good part!

John: didn't you say you wouldn't be back for an hour?

Sollux: there was a change 0f plans. i'll tell y0u ab0ut it later.

Jake: Hi sollux!

Sollux: hi. i d0n't remember y0ur name.

(Vriska): His name's Joke.

(Vriska): I mean, Jake.

Sollux: hi j0ke.

Jake: Close enough!

Kanaya: (Vriska) Do Not High Five Sollux

(Vriska): Too l8!

Vriska: ….)

Terezi: YOUR3 SUCH 4 B1RCH

(Vriska): I 8ear that title with pride.

(Vriska): Anyway, let's get 8ack to it.

(Vriska): "The right time will 8e soon. The 8lind prophets say when it is.

(Vriska): "I still have no idea who those people are, 8ut they seem important.

(Vriska): "At that instant, you must 8r8k through.

(Vriska): "8ut only if you wish.

(Vriska): "You can choose to stay, 8ut that is something you must decide for yourself.

(Vriska): "That is all you need to know. I wish you luck, though I know you don't need it.

(Vriska): "And Kanaya…"

(Vriska): Wow, this is sappy.

(Vriska): "You are too hardy to uproot.

(Vriska): "You 8end and 8ruise and 8leed, 8ut you will never 8r8k.

(Vriska): "I wish I could say the same for myself.

(Vriska): "8ut that is why we make such a perfect pair, isn't it?

(Vriska): "I love you, and I will never stop loving you, though death and distance may tear us apart.

(Vriska): "Don't you ever forget that. 8ecause I haven't.

(Vriska): "Not even Dirk could make me forget.

(Vriska): "Take care of our girl, will you?"

Jade: kanaya no please dont cry!

Vriska: …..

Jake: Jeepers.

Terezi: 1S TH4T 4LL

(Vriska): Yeah, that's the end of it.

(Vriska): So what the hail does Rose mean 8y all that?

Terezi: 1 H4V3NT TH3 SL1GHT3ST CLU3

Roxy: hey u need help w somethin?

Terezi: Y34H W3R3 TRY1NG TO F1GUR3 OUT WH4T TH3 FORK 1T M34NS TO M4K3 "4 F1N4L L34P OF F41TH B3FOR3 YOU G3T HOM3"

Roxy: hm

John: is that roxy?

John: does she have a cold?

Terezi: N4H H3S F1N3

John: ah.

Roxy: hey jon

John: hi!

Terezi: YOU S33M SURPR1S1NGLY UN-NONPLUSS3D

John: eh, i've had weirder schist happen to me.

John: learning that my dead ex wife is a guy in another time line? could be stranger.

Terezi: OUT OF CUR1OS1TY HOW

John: well, roxy could be with calliope.

Roxy: …

Roxy: well im thinknig abt the riddle whatchamaclallkt

Roxy: keep thknkimg abt how i jumped thru those window thingiew 2 get 2 the lab n stuff

Roxy: but i doub-

Terezi: W41T W41T W41T

Terezi: YOU KNOW HOW 1 TOLD YOU GUYS TO PUT TH3 W1NDOW TH1NG 1N TH3 CLOS3T W1TH J4D3

Roxy: ye

Jake: What?

Terezi: W3LL 1 KN3W 1T W4S 1MPORT4NT BUT 1 D1DNT KNOW WHY

Terezi: TH1S M1GHT B3 1T

Sollux: s0 y0u're suggesting h00king up tw0 fenestrated planes acr0ss tw0 different universes t0 transp0rt a live pers0n?

Sollux: y0u're insane.

Sollux: i like that idea. it c0uld w0rk.

Roxy: the tining woild have 2 b nutso accurate tho

Sollux: because y0u'd be cr0ssing thr0ugh the n0t0ri0usly difficult t0 navigate furthest ring.

Terezi: HOW 4BOUT W3 JUST L3T YOU TWO N3RDS J4BB3R FOR 4WH1L3 4ND F1GUR3 4LL TH1S SCH1ST OUT FOR US

Roxy: yE!

Sollux: i'm d0wn f0r it.

(Vriska): Hey, uh, Terezi,

(Vriska): 8efore I turn the phone over to Sollux,

(Vriska): Can I just say something?

(Vriska): Like, separ8 from every8ody?

Terezi: Y34H SUR3

Terezi: L34V1NG TH3 BR1DG3 4S W3 SP34K

Terezi: OK4Y WH4T DO YOU W4NT

(Vriska): …..

(Vriska): …..

Terezi: SP1T 1T OUT DUMB4X3

(Vriska): … it's for you.

Terezi: WH4T

(Vriska): I-I mean,

(Vriska): All the stuff I've 8een doing, to get 8ack home,

(Vriska): I've had you in m8nd the whole time.

(Vriska): Going off to fight Lord English, without you, th8t was a mist8ke.

(Vriska): 8ut then I went to fight him ag8in,

(Vriska): And fighting J8ne, and st8ying alive, and trying to find my w8y home, 8nd helping Rose, and all th8t…..

(Vriska): I couldn't h8ve done it, if you weren't th8re to fight for.

Terezi: …

Terezi: :|

(Vriska): ::::|

Terezi: H4V3 YOU GON3 SOFT ON M3?

Terezi: YOU FORK1NG N3RD :]

(Vriska): Oh, shut up!

(Vriska): I pour my heart out to you, and THIS is the thanks I get?

Terezi: 1 M34N 1 H4D NO 1D34 HOW 3LS3 TO R3SPOND TO TH4T

Terezi: WH4T 4M 1 SUPPOS3D TO S4Y?

(Vriska): I dunno? Not that?

Terezi: "OWO MY, VW1SK4-CH4N, 1 H4V3 JUST W34W1S3D HOW POW3WFUW TH3 BOND 1S TH4T UN1T3S US!

Terezi: "T4K3 M3 NOW!"

(Vriska): Hahahahahahahaha!

Terezi: :D

Terezi: OK4Y, OK4Y, H4H4, 1N 4LL S3R1OUSN3SS

Terezi: 1M GL4D TO KNOW 1 M34N 4S MUCH TO YOU 4S YOU DO TO M3

(Vriska): ::::)

Terezi: GOD D4MP1T 1 M1SS YOU SO MUCH

(Vriska): I miss you too.

(Vriska): 8ut hey, with any luck, I'll 8e headed over in no time flat.

Terezi: 1 LOOK FORW4RD TO 1T

Terezi: :]

(Vriska): Okay, turning you over to Sollux now.

Sollux: hey.

Terezi: H3Y

Terezi: 1LL CONN3CT YOU W1TH ROXY 1N 4 S3COND

Terezi: 4NYW4Y HOWV3 YOU B33N

Sollux: can't c0mplain.

Sollux: had t0 st0p meenah fr0m killing karkat a few minn0ws, i mean minutes ag0.

Terezi: UH

Terezi: W1LD

Terezi: H3R3S ROXY

Kanaya: Hold On What

* * *

Terezi hands over the phone, then paces down the hall again. She almost loses her footing when the ship jolts, probably due to Jade's machinations.

She's still smiling at how sweet (Vriska's) words were. It's rare that she ever discloses her feelings, and Terezi's always grateful for such an occurrence.

She's so lucky to have a friend like her. She's so glad that she's all right. And she's so glad that, with luck, Vriska will be home soon.

Terezi can't help but be reminded of Rose and Kanaya and how much Kanaya desired to be with Rose again, that she would go to such great lengths to rescue her on a whim. She thinks about how thrilled they are that they can be together again at long last.

It really shows how much they love each other, doesn't…

… wait a second.

Something clicks in Terezi's mind. Her jaw drops.

She stands for a while in stunned silence, not sure how to process this revelation, even though everything makes sense now.

"D4MP1T, 1 C4NT T3LL ROXY TH4T H3S R1GHT"

"whqt abt me?"

"NOTH1NG"

* * *

**Sorry about the late chapter. There's more to wrap up than I thought there was. Just be grateful I didn't have Terezi sum up the fight.**

**Anyway, about the kill count! The confirmed deaths are Meat!Jake, Terezi (which didn't last), Candy!Roxy, Candy!Jane, Meat!Dirk, Candy!Rose, Candy!Swifer, and Candy!Calliope (which was heavily implied). The technical deaths are Candy!Dave (since it's not clear whether he died before or after the story's start), Davepetasprite^2 (since their components were already dead), (Vriska) (made intentionally ambiguous), and Meat!Rose (who admitted it was a technicality). Adding Vriska's, Meat!Karkat's, and Meenah's close calls, this is a very bloody story.**

**See you on Friday! One chapter left! :D**


	24. (Vriska): Enter

(Vriska) stands in the middle of the server room for the Rebellion's caverns. Her legs have finally healed enough that Kanaya will allow her to walk, though she still has a splint on her ankle, and her right arm's still in a sling. She's eating a piece of toast.

She's standing in front of a fenestrated plane, jury-rigged with a variety of cables to a fuse box. Kanaya stands off to the side with Vriska, holding Rose's message. Sollux is by the far wall, standing next to a comically oversized lever.

It's 4:09 am, nearly 4 days and 13 hours since Sollux pointed out that it would be. (Vriska) has been up since 10 am yesterday. She's tired, but there's no way she'll show it.

Vriska yawns and stretches. She complained earlier that "The only reason I'm Awake is 8ecause Mom made a Giant Ruckus!" but refused to return to the flat.

Kanaya looks at (Vriska). "You Understand How Risky This Excursion Is Correct"

(Vriska) shoves the last of the toast in her mouth. "Yeah, yeah, I get it."

"It Is A Matter Of Life Or Death Not Of Apathy"

"Relax. I'm god-tier, remem8er? And dying this way would 8e really stupid."

"You Might Be Permanently Stranded In The Furthest Ring If Something Went Wrong"

"I have faith in Rose's predictions and in Sollux and Roxy's calcul8ions."

"As They Made Abundantly Clear This Is A One Way Trip" Kanaya makes eye contact with (Vriska). "Are You Still Sure You Want To Go Through With It"

(Vriska) inhales and exhales slowly before responding. "Yes. I'm certain."

She's going home. She's not going to mess this up.

Kanaya places a gentle hand on (Vriska's) shoulder. "You Really Do Love Her Dont You"

(Vriska) frowns. "No. I me8n, w8. Like, wh8t do you ev8n m8an? W8're moir8ils. 8ctually, not ev8n th8t 8nymore. I don't n8ed some ult8rior m8tive or 8nything. What 8re you try8ng to 8mply?"

Kanaya chuckles. "Oh Nothing"

The side of (Vriska's) mouth quirks up. She pulls out her phone. "Here. You guys oughta hang onto this. I mean, it's the only proven means of communic8ion 8etween timelines."

Kanaya accepts the phone, then takes Rose's old wedding ring out of her pocket. "I Have A Feeling That The Other Rose Needs This More Than I Do"

(Vriska) pockets the ring with a smile. Kanaya pulls her into a semi-unwilling hug. Once released, she's become significantly more willing to leave this stupid candy-crust planet.

Vriska steps over. "Hey, Dum8axe. It was Nice to finally Meet me."

"Me too. I'll miss me. Honourary Scourge Sister?"

Vriska carefully wraps her arm around her ancestor. "Honourary Scourge Sister."

Last of all, (Vriska) turns to Sollux. "You sure you don't want to come with?"

"i'm sure. i c0uld stand t0 remain irrelevant f0r a while l0nger." Sollux hesitates. "plus, i feel like aradia's g0t her 0wn plan t0 get me 0ut 0f here."

(Vriska) grins. She gives Sollux a fistbump, then hobbles to the fenestrated plane.

"Remember" says Kanaya, "You Need To Enter As Soon As I Give The Order"

She addresses Sollux. "And You Need To Pull The Switch At The Same Time"

Sollux sighs. "i get it. n0w let's get this schist 0ver with."

Kanaya stares intently at her phone for what feels like half an hour but is probably only half a minute.

(Vriska) steels herself. She's going home. She's going home. No need to be afraid.

"Now"

Sollux flips the switch. A bolt of electricity surges into the plane with a loud snap. The lights in the room short out. Vriska flinches.

"See ya, forkers!"

(Vriska) blows a kiss and raises her middle finger as she leaps through the plane.

She's going home.

* * *

The sound of shattering glass echoes through the corridors of Dirk's former spaceship. Roxy hears the noise from the bridge and immediately knows what caused it. He darts to the storage room and unlocks the door.

"vriska!"

(Vriska) is… no, she's just Vriska now. Vriska is lying on the floor, brushing glass fragments out of her hair. Though the rough landing aggravated her half-healed injuries, she's grinning like a maniac. She's home.

Roxy extends a hand and helps her up.

"Roxy, you 8rilliant son of a 8irch…"

The rogue and the thief bro-hug. Vriska winces; Roxy's not gentle.

"Where is every8ody?" she asks.

"im right here!" Jade answers, having teleported behind Roxy half a second ago. Vriska and Roxy both jump. "i think everyone else is in the kitchen"

"then lets head over rn" Roxy starts to walk away.

"wait this ways quicker!" says Jade. She takes Roxy and Vriska by the arms. The world blurs for a second; then the three materialise in the nutritionblock.

Vriska suppresses the bile rising in her throat. She makes a mental note to never let Jade teleport her anywhere ever again.

Karkat and Kanaya have just finished an arm-wrestling match, in which the latter is victorious. (Given prior knowledge, Vriska assumes that the match only just began, too.) Rose and Dave sit at the other end of the table, reading and listening to music respectively. Terezi's nowhere to be seen. Vriska doesn't dwell on it; in fact, she's almost grateful that she doesn't have to face her yet.

Everybody looks up when Roxy, Jade, and Vriska make their presence known. Kanaya's face shifts from surprise to excitement. Given that it's Kanaya, the change isn't very noticeable.

"Well Look Who Finally Decided To Drop In" she says. She stands up, and the two trolls hug it out.

"I'm staying for good, haven't you heard?"

"I Have But Its Nicer To Hear It From You In Person"

"Good to know you're still a sentimental fool. A young fool, but a fool nevertheless."

"That Was An Extremely Strange Sentiment About Fools"

Rose sets down her book and walks over. "Kanaya may be a fool, but she's my fool."

Vriska smirks. "Good to see you too, Lalonde. Hey, word of warning, don't ever adopt a descendant of me, 8ecause that'll 8e awkward for everyone in your friend group."

"I know, since I've seen all the possible ramifications of that decision."

"Ahhhhhhhh, right, Ultimate Self weirdness." Vriska groans inwardly. She can feel a rant coming on.

"You will almost certainly get there at some point. It is a fate which befalls all god-tier players after many years pass, but it strikes some much more rapidly than others. It depends on your classpect, I believe, though I have yet to-"

"Oh, w8, I have something for you," Vriska interrupts, thankful that she has a reason to stop Rose's endless torrent of exposition. She fishes the wedding ring out of her pocket and presents it to her. "The other Kanaya said you needed this more than she did."

A taken aback Rose accepts the ring and slides it onto her finger. All she can do for several seconds is stare at it.

"We, we scoured this spacecraft for days, looking for this ring, but we couldn't find it. I-I fear that Dirk may have destroyed the original, or perhaps, maybe he had it captchalogued when I threw his corpse from the ship. Regardless, I… well, it's just that, uh…"

Kanaya lays a hand on her shoulder. "She Means To Say Thank You" she finishes. Rose nods in agreement.

Vriska shrugs, feeling almost sheepish. "No pro8lem."

Dave gives a wry grin. He holds out his fist for a fistbump. "i havent seen rose look so caught off guard since john admitted that he used to have a crush on her"

Vriska leaves him hanging. "W8, really? I teased him a8out that a couple times, 8ut I didn't think-"

"its true!" Jade confirms. "he never told me but i put two and two together :)"

"Let's not gossip overmuch about the dead," Rose says, waving her hands to dispel the conversation.

Vriska nods. Despite her best efforts, she's still fixating on the absence of Terezi. She's torn between her anxiety about finally facing her and her longing to be reunited with her.

"Where's Terezi?" she asks.

Dave shrugs. "i havent seen her since three days ago" He smiles to himself. "we chucked her in the pool"

Roxy grins. "good times"

"She Hasnt Left Her Block Much Over The Past Four Weeks And We Are Concerned About Her Wellbeing" adds Kanaya.

Roxy raises his eyebrows. "might b cuz u didnt nebtion that u were stil lalive"

Vriska suddenly finds her shoelaces enthralling. "Oh, I completely forgot a8out that."

"take it up w terexi not w us"

"Very well then! I shall 8arge in and apologise!" Vriska heads to the door.

Karkat stands up. "WHAT, YOU'RE NOT EVEN GONNA GIVE ME THE MOST PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE HELLO YOU CAN POSSIBLY FORKING MANAGE BEFORE YOU DASH OFF TO GREET YOUR FLUSHED CRUSH? THAT'S A NEW LOW, EVEN FOR YOU!"

"Ah, yes, I knew I was forgetting something. Hello, Shouty McNu8s. Now kindly fork off."

"I HATE YOU." Karkat looks and sounds even more annoyed than he normally does.

"Noooooooo you don't. You secretly har8our powerful pale feelings for every single one of us. You're just too damp shy to admit it. 8ut I can see through you, you whorail. We ALL can!"

"GOD DAMPIT VRISKA, I WISH YOU HAD PERISHED IN THE BLACK AXEHOLE THAT VORED LORD ENGLISH TO DEATH AND DUMPED OUT ALL THE SCHIST THAT REMAINED ON THAT LOAD GAPER OF A PLANET WHERE YOU ENDED UP."

Vriska rolls her eyes and ignores his continuing cascade of inventive imprecations. She limps out of the block and down the corridor, looking for Terezi's respiteblock.

* * *

After a couple minutes, she comes across a door that's covered with chalk scribbles. A crude cartoon dragon with green and red scales roars out a speech bubble that reads, "PL34S3 KNOCK". So Vriska raises her fist to knock.

But she doesn't. She feels torn. She's finally home, after all this time, one step away from her Scourge Sister… but should she be here? Does she deserve it? Shouldn't she just send herself back out into the void, to stop others from getting hurt?

Well, she's here now, she tells herself. She might as well make the most of it.

Vriska still can't bring herself to knock. Her fist hovers half a foot from the door. It's so tempting, and yet so terrifying? What, is she afraid?

No, she's not afraid of anything!

Vriska raps on the door thrice. An agonisingly silent second passes, then a voice comes from inside.

"WH4DDY4 W4NT"

Vriska finds herself in need of a reevaluation of her previous claim. She freezes.

After a moment passes, the door opens on an eyesore of a room that is unmistakably Terezi's. Vriska can't analyse it properly, because her eyes are drawn to the astonished troll standing stock-still just past the threshold.

Terezi's face slowly spreads into a wide grin. She practically launches herself at Vriska, wrapping her in the glomp to end all glomps. Vriska stumbles into the far wall from the force of the tacklepounce. Her broken bones are screaming at her, but she doesn't care.

"YOUR3 B4CK!"

Vriska nods and puts her unbroken arm around her. She's not sure if she's tearing up because she's finally home or because her ribcage is being crushed.

Terezi finally puts her feet back on the ground and releases her. Vriska's legs feel like wet paper. All they can do is stare at each other, suppressing either laughter or sobs. She doesn't know which. For all she knows, it could be both.

Vriska's legs give way after a minute. She crumples sideways. Terezi grabs for her but misses.

"OH FORK, 1M SORRY" Terezi helps her to her feet. Vriska is barely able to stand. "H3R3, L3TS G3T YOU 1NS1D3 SO YOU C4N S1T DOWN"

"Thanks. My legs feel like they're a8out to fall off."

Vriska puts her arm around Terezi's shoulders, and together, they make their way into her room.

It's a right mess inside. The floor is strewn with dirty laundry, including a pair of glittering red shoes. Chalk and saliva stain the walls in saturated colours. A fuzzy blanket lies half on the ground, half on the small human cocoon. A wallet is somehow stuck to the side of the dresser. The atmosphere is reminiscent of that of Terezi's old treehive home. It feels familiar and comforting, despite being so lurid.

They sit shoulder to shoulder on Terezi's cocoon, their feet dangling inches above the floor. They don't talk for a good long while; they just enjoy each other's presence. It feels so nice to not be alone.

Sometimes, the best way to spend time with someone is to ignore each other in the same room. But every time that Vriska glances at Terezi, she finds that she's looking right back at her.

After spending several minutes inside her own confused head, she finds the need to talk, to at the very least apologise for not calling or texting.

"Listen," she begins, "I'm sorry a8out not letting you know I was still alive."

Terezi smiles warmly. "1 DONT C4R3. 1M JUST SO GL4D YOUR3 H3R3"

"Y-you don't have to pretend you're not ir8 with me."

"1M NOT M4D. 1 W4S JUST WORR13D S1CK 4ND 1 COULDNT B34R TO C4LL TO F1ND OUT. SO 1TS R34LLY 4S MUCH MY F4ULT 4S YOURS"

Terezi slouches a bit and exhales. She puts an arm around her back. Vriska shies from her touch without thinking about it, but relaxes.

She still worries that she shouldn't be here, and she decides to explain why.

"And….. I'm sorry for 8eing so schisty to you, and to pretty much every8ody, 8ut mostly you. I think I've hurt you more than any8ody, which is REALLY s8ying something! I'm not the, I'm not the friend y8u deserve. You deserve so much 8etter than me. I, I, I sh8uld have st8yed 8ehind, I shouldn't h8ve come 8ack, I should h8ve let you 8e. With8ut me. 8ecause, 8ec8use….." She sniffles. "I'm a 8ad pers8n. Y-you d8n't need me….."

With that, a valve inside her gives out, and Vriska breaks down into tears. Terezi holds her close, comforts her, gives her somebody to lean on. It feels better, having her there. She's so lucky to have a friend like her.

When Vriska's sobs subside, Terezi pushes her away and holds her at arm's length. She stares deep into her eyes, even through her shades.

"VR1SK4, 1 DONT HON3STLY G1V3 4 SCH1ST. 1 KNOW TH4T 1 COULD DO B3TT3R TH4N YOU. 1T 4LMOST GO3S W1THOUT S4Y1NG. BUT 1 DONT FORK1NG C4R3. 1 DONT W4NT P3RF3CT1ON, 1 W4NT YOU"

Vriska smiles despite herself. Actually, she's not sure what it's in spite of. Her thinkpan is still a jumbled mess. "T-th8nks," she manages.

"SHUT UP. 1M NOT DON3. 1 N33D YOU, 4ND 1 KNOW YOU N33D M3 TOO. 1 S34RCH3D FOR YOU B3C4US3 1 M1SS3D YOU, 4ND YOU C4M3 B4CK B3C4US3 YOU M1SS3D M3. BUT…" Terezi lets out a chuckle. "NOW YOUR3 HOM3. 4ND TH3R3S NO W4Y 1N H3LL TH4T 1M L3TT1NG YOU G3T 4W4Y FROM M3 4G41N"

Vriska tries to respond, though she doesn't know what she needs to say. But all of a sudden, Terezi's kissing her, and Vriska is bewildered at first but something finally clicks in her mind, and now she's kissing her back and she's pulled her as close as she can and Terezi's hands are in her hair and her nails are digging into her scalp and Vriska's head is throbbing in time with the rapid beat of her heart but she doesn't care. She doesn't care about anything else.

They stop to catch their breath. Terezi's cheeks are bright teal, and Vriska's own face feels flushed, but neither of them can stop grinning. They feel so at peace all of a sudden. A tension is gone that they didn't know was there. Terezi rests her chin on her shoulder and leans into her. Vriska holds her in the way that a starving man would hang onto his last bit of bread. She doesn't want to let go. Not now. Not again. Not ever.

Terezi rights herself after a long, comforting minute. She moves her thumb to Vriska's face and wipes away a stray tear.

Vriska can't stop staring at her. She can't believe she's never noticed how freaking cute Terezi is. That alone is just about enough to make everything worthwhile. She feels an overwhelming urge to kiss her again. In fact, she's about to do so when she breaks into a giant yawn. Terezi snickers. "WH4T, 4R3 YOU T1R3D 4LR34DY? 1TS ONLY 31GHT PM"

Vriska rubs her eyes. "Yeah, 8ut it was 4 am when I left. I've 8een up for like 18 hours."

Terezi nods. "WHY DONT YOU G3T SOM3 R3ST TH3N?"

"Kanaya? Is that you?"

"L13 DOWN 1D1OT" Terezi shoves her sideways so that she topples onto the cocoon.

Vriska props herself up on her elbow and gives her an amused look. "Wow, moving quickly, are we?"

Terezi shakes her head in disapproval, trying and failing to disguise her giggles. "SHUT UP 4ND SCOOCH OV3R"

With an effort, Vriska swings her feet onto the cocoon. They feel leaden. She's so freaking tired, but she's home now. She can finally rest.

Terezi kicks off her Crocs and lies down next to her. Vriska can hardly keep her eyes open, but she still manages to lean over and give her a gentle kiss on the cheek.

It's so comforting, just being there with her, knowing it's all over, knowing that she can relax and let her mind drift off as she sinks into exhaustion…

"YOU KNOW, YOUR3 4 MUCH B3TT3R K1SS3R TH4N JOHN" Terezi muses.

Vriska is pleasantly surprised by this information. "Oh thank God!"

They both burst out laughing.

For the first time in what seems like forever, Vriska feels whole inside. Not even that; her heart feels full nearly to bursting. It's the best feeling she's ever had.

After all, what better feeling is there than being in love with your best friend?

* * *

TH3 3ND

* * *

**Beep beep, long A/N coming through!**

**This fic has been a ride. A simple idea based off a miscomprehension of the Epilogues grew into this big alternate universe. It's awesome that this happened, but, like, I cannot write up a 48-player session without help. It can't be done.**

**Well, I don't know anyone else into Homestuck, so I'll ask you guys for help! Please, help! Shoot me a PM or a message on Tumblr (same username) if you're interested!**

**I do have a little follow-up epilogue or three that I want to share, but I'm not going to do that here, because it would be image-based and hyperlinks don't work on FFN. So, if you wanna see a postscript (and some minor edits to correct chronology issues), please check out this fic on Archive of Our Own!**

**Thanks for reading, and I wish you only the best!**


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